From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
People & Things That Got Under Trump's Skin in February:
Sweden
Witches
Light switches
Attorneys general
Saturday Night Live
”So-called” federal judges
The Speaker of Britain’s Parliament
His own Supreme Court nominee
Former acting Attorney General Sally Yates
Stephen Curry
Veterans
Bathrobes
al Qaeda
The FBI
Nordstrom
It kinda looks like Lady Liberty’s torch. I thought that image might get under his skin, too.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Note: If you were injured by a plastic baby in a king's cake yesterday, don’t take the law into your own hands! I'm Bill in Portland Maine, attorney at law, and I'll get you the biggest settlement possible. Call now!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the special election in Georgia's 6th District to replace Tom Price: 48
Days 'til SXSW in Austin: 9
Days it took for Trump and his aides to rack up 100 lies since taking office, according to Huffington Post: 36
Percent chance that Trump is flying down to Mar-A-Lago again this weekend (his fourth jaunt in 6 weeks): 100%
Number of private citizens SpaceX plans to send on a trip to the moon and back next year: 2
Number of cities still vying to host the 2024 Olympics: 2 (LA and Paris)
Age of Judge Wapner when he died over the weekend: 97
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Mid-week Rapture Index:
180 (including 3 Wild Weathers and a coven of witches casting spells against Trump). Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Multi-talented pooch…
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CHEERS to March! Highlights of the month that will soon erupt into madness: Coming in like a lion, Daylight Saving Time, Peanut Month (Caution: may contain peanuts or peanut products), Women's History Month, Caffeine Awareness Month (I'm aware! I'm aware! I'm aware!!!), St.Patrick's Day, Girl Scout Day, Worship of Tools Day (not sure if they mean the screwdriver or the Paul Ryan variety), Something-on-a-Stick Day, International Women's Day, the infamous Ides, some potentially decent movies (Captain Underpants! Kong: Skull Island!), spring arrives…and then, lord willing, it'll go out like a lamb. I also believe March is one of the months of the year in which Republicans in the House and Senate act like total reality-denying jerks, the others being January, February, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November and December. Plus: as of today we've made it through one-sixth of 2017. Slap another gold star on your tuchus and...Forward!
JEERS to “the speech.” I'm going out on a huge limb here, because it's still Tuesday morning and yet I'm already writing my summary of Trump's speech to a joint session of Congress: it sucked. A bunch of hokum and bullshit wrapped up in nationalistic language that might as well have come from the Aryan Mad Libs for Dummies. It was stilted, stunted, uninspired, woodenly delivered, and pointless. On top of that, no one shouted "You lie!", meaning the slur has only been shouted at one president---the black one. Now folks on both sides will go back to their respective corners and continue proving that the United States is a failed experiment in representative democracy for the foreseeable future. On the other hand, this was great…
And this…
We now return you to our regularly-scheduled resistance.
CHEERS to going two for three. Got some results from the trio of special elections in Connecticut yesterday:
Connecticut Results
2nd District state senate race: Democrat Doug McCrory beat Republican Michael W. McDonald and two write-in candidates by a bruising margin.
32nd District state senate race: Republican state Rep. Eric Berthel defeated Democrat Greg Cava in a district Trump won by 60%.
115th District House race: Democrat Dorinda Borer crushed Republican Edward R. Granfield.
Turnout was only 18 percent.
Net result: the state Senate remains tied at 18 Ds and 18 Rs. And how nice to see a McCrory in office who's not evil.
CHEERS to the swingiest swing state in all of Swingdom. I was hatched at Mercy Hospital in Mount Vernon, Ohio in August of 1964, and that makes me a dyed-in-the-wool Buckeye. So it goes without saying that today I'm wishing a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my home state---214 years young. Seven mostly-crappy presidents from Ohio were elected, and you all wisely stopped nominating us after Harding kicked the bucket. It's the only state whose flag is a pennant. And we're the proud birthplace of Steven Spielberg, Neil Armstrong, John Glenn, Orville Wright,Clark Gable, Gloria Steinem and one or two others.
Oh, and in the interest of fairness I should also mention that some people say Nebraska was admitted to the union on this date in 1867. Can't say I'm familiar with it, but I'll take 'em at their word.
CHEERS to justice. Hey, kids! Some racist assholes who thought it'd be hilarious to terrorize some black kids during a birthday party by waving confederate traitor flags and threatening to shoot them are actually going to prison. For a long time, too…
They will serve 13 years and six years in prison respectively, local media report.
Superior Court Judge William McClain said the two were "motivated by racial hatred." They are part of a group of at least 15 people charged over the incident in which cars were driven along the street flying the Confederate battle flag in Douglasville, west of Atlanta, in July 2015. The crime occurred shortly after a mass shooting inside an African-American church in Charleston, South Carolina by a white supremacist gunman. […]
Torres and Norton were found guilty of threatening to kill some of those attending the child's party while shouting racial slurs at children. Torres was said to have been carrying a shotgun, according to prosecutors.
The two radical Christian terrorists cried when they were sentenced. And no one knows how the hell they did it, but their tears came out shaped like Jefferson Davis's head.
CHEERS to helping hands. Happy Peace Corps Week! The organization that Kennedy built turns 56 today, and it's still crankin' out the good works. This year they gave a shout-out to the top schools that have contributed the most Corps volunteers:
For the first time in three years, the University of Wisconsin–Madison reclaims the top spot among Peace Corps’ Top Volunteer-Producing Colleges and Universities list.
There are currently 87 Badgers serving in 40 countries around the world. For years, UW-Madison has consistently sent some of the largest cohorts of volunteers overseas and has maintained its place as the No. 2 all-time volunteer producer with 3,239 alumni having served since 1961.
Among small schools, Denison University tops the list, making significant strides this year by jumping 13 spots from No. 14 in 2016. American University finally nabs the No. 1 medium volunteer-producing university title, having been just shy of the top spot for the past two years.
See the full list here. Fifty-six years later, it's still "the toughest job you'll ever love." Especially if you bring a few cases of Bacardi along. And limes. Without limes it's intolerable.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 1, 2007
CHEERS to...Marryland!!! Today's the day Governor Martin O'Malley puts pen to parchment in the Old Line State:
The legislation, making Maryland the eighth U.S. state to legalize gay and lesbian nuptials, heads to Governor Martin O'Malley's desk for his signature at a ceremony at 5 p.m. on Thursday, his office said. The Democratic governor has supported the measure and promised to sign it once it was passed by lawmakers. The state Senate voted in favor of the bill last week after it was passed by the House of Delegates.
Of course, the crowd for whom equality is a four-letter word in Maryland is already swarming to try and put a referendum on the November ballot to overturn the law. Their bumper sticker slogan: "Over My Dead Divorce Papers!"
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And just one more…
CHEERS to anticipation. All eyes are on Harpursville, New York, where April the giraffe is fixin’ to give birth again---her fourth calf. It's your turn to monitor the livestream for us…
We'll relieve you tomorrow morning at this same time. Please don’t blink.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Yes, I don’t like Cheers and Jeers. Nobody likes that."
---George W. Bush
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