White House spokesman Sean Spicer had to apologize to the British government last night for falsely accusing British intelligence services of wiretapping Donald Trump during the 2016 presidential campaign at the behest of President Obama.
The full transcript of Spicer’s apology is below. Spicer used the same apology he used the time his three-year-old son, Sean, Jr., went on a mini-rampage at Jimmy T’s Place, a noted D.C. pancake haunt, one morning during breakfast:
Dear Jimmy T British government,
I am so sorry for the mess my son our president made the other day. I am doing my best to control him, but he has severe behavioral issues. If you can imagine dealing with a three-year-old prone to wild temper tantrums, then you can imagine what my life is like dealing with my son the president.
Usually, we can soothe him by streaming one of his favorite programs like “Dinosaur Train” or “Bob the Builder” “Morning Joe” “Fox and Friends” or “Sean Hannity,” but he would have none if it. He was hell-bent on wreaking havoc and that’s what he proceeded to do, despite my best efforts.
I apologize for not doing more to stop his recklessness. I am in the unenviable position of dealing with this deranged toddler president on a daily basis. It can be both exhausting and depressing. Please know that I am not making excuses for him sticking his syrup-covered pancakes to another patron’s face, hurling his apple juice at you and stabbing Lucille the waitress with his fork trying to embroil you in his latest lie-induced mess.
Again, my sincerest apologies. I hope you are willing to forgive the awful mess Sean, Jr. President Trump made. You have my word that this sort of destructiveness will not be repeated. I hope.
Give my regards to Lucille Prime Minister May, and tell her I hope the fork wounds hard feelings heal over time.
Thanks for your understanding,
Sean Spicer