From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Child President
[Adjusts cold compress on head, washes down six aspirin with Scotch whiskey]
Jesus.
At next week's NATO summit, world leaders are---says a source to Vanity Fair---"preparing to deal with a child---someone with a short attention span and mood who has no knowledge of NATO, no interest in in-depth policy issues, nothing.” Apparently remarks are being limited to two minutes, and to keep his attention they've been told to sprinkle "Trump," "boobs," "pussy" and "golf" among the more complex words like "agreement," "defense" and"protocols."
To give you an idea what kind of challenge NATO will be dealing with, here's a look---via The President Show---at Trump's recent visit to Great Falls Country Day School:
And whatever you do, NATO, keep him away from blinking buttons.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, May 18, 2017
Note: How time flies during a between-chemo-sessions week (aka the "good week"). It’s Thursday already and session #4 is Monday. So consider this your heads-up that C&J will be abbreviated next week: Wednesday thru Friday. As always, we'll toss the lost days on the back end, thus fulfilling our contractual obligations with you, our 1.5 million readers. Thanks for your patience. ---The Patient
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the start of the Memorial Day Weekend: 8
Days 'til the Brattleboro Brewers Festival in Vermont: 9
Percent of voters who say it's time to impeach Trump, according to a new PPP poll, versus 41% who say it isn't: 48%
Percent of voters in the same poll who say they are more likely and less likely, respectively, to support a congress member who voted for Trumpcare: 27%, 47%
Estimated percent of the global workforce Ford plans to cut in the near future: 10%
Factor by which the rate at which the U.S. sends people to prison is higher than the world average: 4x
Percent chance that Roseanne is returning as a series reboot with the original cast next year: 100%
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Meanwhile, further proof that the entire party is cuckoo comes to us with the passage of another $70 billion tax cut for the rich.
The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities says the average middle-income household will get a $20 tax cut, while those making more than $1 million a year will get nearly $42,000. …
Both President Bush and Veep Cheney are still going around claiming if you cut taxes, your tax revenues increase. No, they don't. Now we're just in whackoville. It's not true. Their own economists tell them it's not true, but they go about claiming it is with the same desperate tenacity they clung to false tales of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. How pathetic.
---May, 2006
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Cool casts…
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JEERS to scorn in the USA. So…after going 24 hours without a gigantic White House clusterfuck, we can take a moment to catch our breath and review just what the hell has been going on over there:
>> Trump spilled secrets, provided by Israel, to the Russians that are so secret that even movie makers stay from them because audiences wouldn't be able to suspend their disbelief. Trump admitted it happened, but not before his national security staff and communications team said it didn't happen.
>> Because of the above, foreign governments are now afraid to share their intel with us because they're reasonably confident it'll end up on the cover of The National Enquirer.
>> Members of next week's NATO summit have been politely asked to keep their speeches and remarks to under 15 seconds because “It’s like they’re preparing to deal with a child---someone with a short attention span and mood who has no knowledge of NATO, no interest in in-depth policy issues, nothing.”
>> Trump asked James Comey, back when he was still FBI director, if he'd pretty please with sugar on top drop his investigation into confirmed Russian sympathizer and traitor to his uniform Michael Flynn---a little maneuver known as "obstruction of justice."
All of which points to a White House "in a tailspin" with a mob of ever-more-conservative congressmembers forming at the gates with torches and pitchforks---like, REAL torches, not the wimpy citronella tiki torches those penny-loafer Nazis used in Chancellorsville over the weekend. "Oh, this is working out beautifully," said "Mother" Pence from the shadows of a D.C. parking garage as she prepared to spill another bean.
P.S. Oh, Look! We got ourselves a special counsel! It’s old FBI warhorse Robert Mueller. We look forward to seeing him chasing the bad guys down Pennsylvania Avenue in an up-armored snowplow yelling, “Let’s do some good!”
CHEERS to more Moore. Yay yay yay yay yay!!! Michael Moore is in an undisclosed location working on a sequel (of sorts) to his Palm d'Or-winning, $222 million-grossing Fahrenheit 9/11. (Remember those round-the-block lines…for a documentary?) Only this time, in an unbelievably convenient reversal of dates, he's calling it Fahrenheit 11/9, and instead of George W. Bush his target is Lord Dampnut:
The “11/9” in the new project’s title refers to the day Trump was declared President of the United States, at 2:29 AM ET on November 9, 2016. Moore has reunited on this with his production team from Fahrenheit 9/11---directors-producers Meghan O’Hara, Tia Lessin and Carl Deal.
Also like Fahrenheit 9/11, the Weinsteins will use their own indie label the Fellowship Adventure Group to release 11/9. No release date has been set for the new pic, which Moore hopes will shine a new light on a lightning-rod subject---in this case the Trump presidency that he has been warning about, with a “storyline unlike any that is currently being told” according to the Weinsteins.
“No matter what you throw at him, it hasn’t worked,” Moore said of Trump in a release announcing the deal. “No matter what is revealed, he remains standing. Facts, reality, brains cannot defeat him. Even when he commits a self-inflicted wound, he gets up the next morning and keeps going and tweeting. That all ends with this movie.”
That sounds wonderful. But I believe I speak for two-thirds of America when I say to Democrats: keep your foot on the impeachment accelerator.
CHEERS to knowing where "there" is. The 28th annual National Geography Bee ended last night in Washington, D.C. and the winner is Pranay Varada, an 8th grader from Carrollton, Texas's Dewitt Perry Middle School and the sixth Indian-American in a row to win. He gets a cool $50,000 in scholarship money and a free trip to the Galapagos Islands. So here's the final question:
What large mountain system that stretches more than 1,200 miles separates the Taklimakan Desert from the Tibetan Plateau?
The winning answer is “the Kunlun Mountains.” Unless, of course, you're a Republican, in which case your winning answer is always, always "Benghazi."
CHEERS to happy outcomes. Speaking of educated young'uns, 165 years ago today Massachusetts ruled that all school-age children must attend school, and that turned out okay. Thirteen years ago yesterday, same-sex couples started getting married there, and that's turned out okay, too. And last year I read that Massachusetts still has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country. I think I've figured it out: red states don’t really hate "liberal" Massachusetts---they're just jealous.
CHEERS to making a strong case for yourself. Two new ads from Jon Ossoff's campaign down Georgia-6th-a'way reveal a marketing staff that knows what it's doing. This one goes positive with a strong economic message backed by sharp production values:
Meanwhile, here's an ad that goes directly after the enemy, Karen (Boo! Hiss!) Handel, with a strong testimonial backed by sharp elbows:
Ouch---that’s gonna leave a mark. If you or a fellow Democrat you know lives in GA-6 and you're not registered yet, you have until Sunday to git 'er done. And if you're not a resident in GA-6, you can still help Jon get more of these ads on the air by tossing a few bucks in the hopper. Election day is June 20th---33 days away. And when he wins…peaches for everyone. (Have a bucket handy---they’re being dropped from a helicopter. Oh, and probably also a sturdy umbrella.)
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 18, 2007
JEERS to learnin' your Gay BC's. The grandparents of a 12 year-old student sued the Chicago Board of Education after a substitute teacher showed Brokeback Mountain in class. The reason: exposing children to Randy Quaid at such an early age can traumatize 'em for life.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to another opportunity to knot your stomach up in suspense. Keep one eye cast Iran tomorrow. They're doin' the purple finger-dippy thing, also known as votin' for a new preznit…
[Current president] Rouhani's biggest opponent is voter apathy; if young people don't come out and vote then it can tip the scales in favor of the hardliners, Rouhani knows this and that's why he has spoken so harshly about his opponents.
All of this appeals to Iran's large and growing youth population, as well as the West-looking middle class who mostly live in big cities. The nuclear deal didn't yield the results they expected but for the most part they don't blame Rouhani. Instead they hold Trump's America culpable for trying to undermine the process. In this sense, this election is a battle fought across two Irans: young, secular modernizers; and religious conservatives who are suspicious of outside meddling.
Of course, the real power in Iran is still iron-fistedly wielded by Grand Poobah Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, much the same as the real power in this country is still wielded by our multi-tentacled gelatinous Glorpian overlord Hzzzz-pook-taaaaaahk from Area 51. Oops…I've said too much. Gotta run! [ker-SLAM!]
Have a nice Thursday. Try not to obstruct any justice today, 'k? Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"At base, Bill in Portland Maine is an infantalist. There are three tasks that most mature adults have sort of figured out by the time they hit 25. Billeh has mastered none of them."
---David Brooks
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