What am I talking about? It’s not the end of December. Nor is it nearing the end of various non-civil calendars, religious, or lunar calendars from other cultures.
But for me the year is drawing to a close, since tomorrow May 23 will mark the 71st anniversary of my appearance as an independent creature, or at least, separate from my mother’s womb.
This past night was difficult, although not because of that. Between an allergic reaction and a painful condition, it was very difficult to sleep, and I have had less than 3 hours of rest, which should make teaching today an interesting challenge!
Having returned from a 33 minute walk in a light rain, and with nothing in the papers about which I feel strongly moved to write, not even good columns by Charles M. Blow and Paul Krugman, I begin to reflect back on this past year as I sip a cup of black coffee.
For much more half of the past year I was without employment and thus largely without income. That was partially a result of a health issue — when I discovered I had to undergo surgery and then recovery for an aortic aneurysm, I lost several possible positions that had opened up in the first few months of the school year. This community and others to whom I reached out were generous in offering financial support to help with bills and get me through that patch, for which I remain grateful. I was able to obtain employment in mid-March at a school for emotionally disturbed teens, where I will remain until the end of next month, and have good possibilities of employment for the Fall.
The combination of unemployment, health issues, and the political situation which we have jointly experienced has led me to reflect seriously on what may be left of my life.
I share a few thoughts below.
On Thursday i head to Haverford College for the 50th reunion of the graduation of my original class, although I did not receive my degree until 6 years later, having dropped out twice. Some of my classmates there have enjoyed great success, as is true of some of my classmates from high school. Financially I certainly do not stack up with some of them, but that was never my motivation, and I would be hard put to name an occasion when I took one position over another merely because it paid more. Others have received great recognition for their achievements, and here I certainly cannot complain. I have my share of teaching awards, and the thoughts I have offered on education, here and elsewhere, have reached an audience that gives me some sense of satisfaction.
During the time when I did not have employment, that 8+ months being the longest period of involuntary unemployment I have ever undergone, I often wondered whether I would still seek a teaching job if we had not incurred the debts we did from health issues, primarily those of my wife but mine as well. I wondered if I could be happy being able to get up in the morning, take a walk or jog, read, write (perhaps about what I had read), listen to music,play music, maybe do some yoga.
I came to accept that while if I could financially work less than full-time, I would still want to be in a classroom with young people in some fashion. It is when I come alive.
My age has been something of a barrier in finding a teaching gig. It is not just the number of recent jobs since I tried retiring in 2012, at least one teaching job for each academic year, although that certainly plays a part. It is also the question of how much longer I will be able to teach effectively. At my age, health issues can arise suddenly. It does not matter that I could visually pass for being in my late 50s or at worst early 60s. I am competing for jobs with people not only young enough to be my children but now young enough to be their children, my grandchildren.
I can feel the difference of energy — it was down before my surgery in November, and has not yet fully returned. I need more rest, notwithstanding last night. It is one reason the level of my participation here has been much less that was true a year ago. Besides, there are so many more cogent voices now participating here than when I began more than 13 years ago. Then there were just over 4,000 registered. Now???? Then I was one of the few writing on education, and many people did not know the work of Eugene Robinson or Bob Herbert, to name just two whose columns I was in the habit of sharing before the Abbreviated Pundit Roundup began.
My wife still lives with the reality of a cancer that is not yet curable, although it is manageable. She too can do far less than before, but is grateful for the fullness of living that is available to her.
We are still together, after more than 42 years, with more than 31 of that married. We have hopes it might last!!!!
I have no idea what the future may hold, how much longer I will have to my life. I do not fret about it. I realize that I am on my downward slope. Perhaps I will have 20+ years as did my father’s older brother. Perhaps it will be much less. I do not worry about that. Each day that I do have is an opportunity to do something positive, whether in a classroom, in my writing, or even in casual encounters in ordinary places — supermarkets, in traffic, and so on.
I have a school day in front of me. Then tomorrow another. But tomorrow will include my wife taking me to dinner, probably tons of Facebook messages — from former students, from colleagues, and so on. That will be a day to step back and simply enjoy the day, as much as I can.
I live in Virginia. We have heated primaries for Governor and Lt. Governor. So far I have kept my decisions (which I have now made) to myself, because in general I have no problem supporting which ever candidate wins each of those contests. As a teacher who hopes to again be back in a public school classroom, I have concerns about Federal education policy as this administration is trying to redefine it — or should I say destroy public schooling as we know it. There are other serious issues that concern me.
I will continue to speak out / write about issues when I think I have something that may be of value to others.
I know there is more that I can do, that my journey continues.
I am now completing my 71st year. That is far longer than my mother, who was not yet 48 when she died shortly after I graduated from high school, had to her life. I have been lucky. I know it.
I have in many ways had a lot given to me, which is why I feel as if I must continue to try to make a difference, as long as I can.
That will include my participation here, so long as I believe I have something of value to offer.
Thanks for reading.
Peace.