In the movie, Bruce Willis played the hero who sacrificed his life to save the world from Armageddon in the form of an asteroid on a collision-course with Earth.
In the restaurant, Hao Wu played the hero who sacrificed his lunch to save the world from Republicans who sent him text messages critically asking how he can support the Democrats.
Our group of about twenty were eating lunch following our March in downtown Greenville, SC to get- out-the-vote, which followed our Tuesday resistance rally against Trump, Brett Kavanaugh, Lindsey Graham, and other Republicans who are unwittingly hell-bent on destroying our democracy.
Although Hao Wu, who unsuccessfully lost his bid for political office in the primary, is usually a great conversationalist; yesterday he eschewed both calories and conversation, obsessed with his cell phone text messages. Like many millennials, Hao has PCP addiction (Personal Cell Phone addiction.)
Finally, conscious he had been ignoring the rest of us, Hao explained that he is trying to convince his Republican friends to vote Democratic. He insisted we shouldn’t discount them as deplorable unreachable brainwashed bad people. He had just sent a message praising his friend for early voting and sharing a patriotic concern for the country, even if he voted early for McMaster for Governor, (who makes Nikki Haley look like a liberal by comparison.) Although I conceded that being a Trump supporter doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, it indicates you are politically ignorant and stupid.
Hao asked, “Isn’t it at least good he voted?”
“No,” I replied, keenly aware our get-out-the-vote march strove to be non-partisan. “If someone is stupid enough to vote Republican, they should do their patriotic duty by staying home and not voting at all! Suppose you lived in Germany before WWII. Would you be doing your patriotic duty to the Fatherland and vote, if this meant you were voting for Hitler?”
Hao argued he was simply diplomatically seeking common ground to engage the opposition in discourse. I told him I respected his intensions, but wondered if his efforts to sway Republicans was futile. In the words of the comedian Ron White, “You can’t fix stupid.”
But maybe, just maybe, there is a way to convince Republicans to vote democratic in the mid-terms. Tell them you have a great idea for re-making the Bruce Willis movie Armageddon. Tell them this is the plot:
-
All the major scientists of the world are convinced a huge asteroid is on a collision-course with Earth.
-
The plan is simple: while the asteroid is still a safe distance from Earth, two years away from impact, detonate a nuclear explosion on the surface of the asteroid, on the side closest to Earth.
-
This blast won’t destroy the asteroid, but will alter its path enough for the asteroid to harmlessly head for the surface of the sun where it will safely be destroyed.
-
Scientists are convinced this solution will work, providing the asteroid can be reached before it gets too close to earth.
-
The technology for this mission already exists. No one will have to land on the asteroid. No one will have to shoot heavy drilling rigs into space. In fact, the explosion will be so far away, it will only be visible using a telescope.
-
The only country that has the money and the technology to prevent this catastrophe is the United States.
So far, this sounds like a boring movie. But the plot thickens:
-
The government of the United States is controlled by Republicans, and the President is an egotistical ignorant fool.
-
He doesn’t think it is fair that the United States has to pay the lion’s share of the expenses to stop an asteroid to save the rest of the world.
-
He convinces himself and his base that the whole thing is a hoax, and the scientists don’t know what they are talking about.
-
Many of his evangelical followers devoutly believe that even if the asteroid is real, and is heading for Earth, then this is God’s will, and man should do nothing to stop it.
-
Millions around the world protest the President’s failure to act properly.
-
The President condemns the protestors as enemies of our country, who are perpetuating the evil hoax only to create a one-world globalist government run by the Illuminati and Jewish bankers.
-
Soon protesters are either dispersed or arrested by the police, or beat up by thugs who the President praises for simply trying to preserve law and order.
-
All government employees are forbidden by executive order to talk about the asteroid or the plan to interfere with its course of direction.
-
A Democratic senator speaks out anyway, claiming the human race will face extinction if the asteroid hits because the President does nothing.
-
The Senator is arrested for violating the President’s edict to maintain silence. The case goes to the Supreme Court.
-
The Supreme Court rules five-to-four in favor of the President’s edict to stifle any discussion of the asteroid, claiming freedom of speech must be curtailed in the case of a national emergency— and the state of emergency applies, since the scientists and Democratic politicians say an asteroid heading for the Earth is a state of emergency.
-
The Supreme Court ruling stands, even though one of the justices appeared drunk and was drinking beer on the bench.
-
The asteroid finally reaches the point where it is too late to stop it. For dramatic effect, as the asteroid looms closer and closer, the unusual gravitational field produces earthquakes, volcanos, and tsunamis.
-
The asteroid, as big as Kansas, hits Kansas. The whole planet goes kablooie.
-
Final scene: close-up on a cockroach which has survived the impact. Life lives on, even if humans don’t.
-
The End.
As your Republican friend may have trouble seeing what this awful movie plot has to do with voting for Democrats, simply point out the analogy that the asteroid is symbolic of climate change. The only difference is climate change is already killing people. When your dumb GOP friend asks how, say there is another deadlier-than-ever hurricane named Michael killing people in Florida. Then reassure your friend not to worry too much. Once Florida is permanently underwater, no one in Florida will die from Hurricanes again, because no one will be able to live in Florida.
I figure it might be worth a shot. Maybe this plot would make a good disaster movie. I doubt it. No one could believe that a President and his followers could be so stupid.