I vote this the best satire of the day, perhaps of the week. Talk about a clickbait title (double entre intended). Dana Milbank (about him) is a WaPo columnist who usually writes serious pieces but regularly interjects a satire into the mix of his columns.
Unfortunately, the two websites which have the many of best opinion columnists are the New York Times and The Washington Post, and they are fee-based. I think they allow 10 free clicks a month.
If you have some free clicks left here's a sample so you can decide if you want to read the satire after considering my review.
Milbank begins his article as if he’s a nature or science writer describing the literal rodent problem in Washington, the “ fifth ‘rattiest’ metropolitan area in the United States.”
Then he gets to the meat (or cheese) of the subject.
I have a different theory. The capital has, since Jan. 20, 2017 (give or take), been overrun by another species: Rattus lutreolus, the swamp rat. This species feeds mostly on political action committee contributions, and though native to Australia, was recently spotted living in a lobbyist’s condo at below-market rates.
He goes on to explain the taxonomy of various species inhabiting Washington. For example, starting at the top:
At the top of this animal kingdom is an extremely large species with yam-tinged fur. Under the scientific name Rattus potus, it is highly aggressive with other rats (except for immediate family members), often for no apparent reason and even when not in its self-interest. Such behavior was exhibited by Trump when he ignored advisers and suggested Kavanaugh’s alleged sexual assault of Christine Blasey Ford was not “as bad as she says.”
Michael Avenatti and Sen. Cory Booker, are labeled Rattus opportunis and Rattus sparticus respectively.
Milbank concludes with:
Rattus inebrius enjoys a symbiotic relationship with the powerful, beady-eyed species Rattus ginormus, commonly referred to as Mitch McConnell . If Rattus ginormus doesn’t like a Supreme Court nominee, even an impeccably qualified one, he refuses to budge for a year. If he likes a nominee, even one accused of sexual assault, he says “We’re going to plow right through it.”
He is the biggest rat of all.
BONUS:
Why the Catholic Boy Virgin Defense Doesn’t Work
by Hal Brown
This isn’t worth an entire diary but ought to be “out there” for discussion.
Brett Kavanaugh’s “virgin defense” just doesn’t hold water. He is not being accused of having sexual intercourse with anybody, at least not yet. It remains to be seen what Michael Avenatti’s client will reveal.
While it is stereotyping to say Catholic in my title, it is well known that teenagers who are guilt-ridden about their sexual impulses feel it is okay to engage in a variety of sexual activities short of intercourse.
This harkens back to Bill Clinton’s “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” defense. He later admitted that he did indeed have an "improper physical relationship" with Monica Lewinksky.
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Adendum:
Kavanaugh a 'virgin' in high school — USA Today
The judge said he never had sexual intercourse "or anything close to (it)" until long after he left Georgetown Prep, the elite all-boys Catholic high school he attended in Rockville, Maryland.
“So you’re saying through all these years that are in question that you were a virgin?” MacCallum asked Kavanaugh.
“That’s correct," he replied.
She pressed on: “And through what years in college, since we’re probing into your personal life here?”
“Many years after, I’ll leave it at that," he answered. "Many years after.”
The Hill adds the following to their article: “ Neither of the two accusations regarding Kavanaugh involve sexual intercourse. Christine Blasey Ford is alleging Kavanaugh held her down and groped her over her clothes during a high school party in 1982, and Deborah Ramirez claims he exposed himself without her consent during a gathering at Yale University a few years later.” Again, we still haven’t heard what Michael Avenatti’s client has to say about being gang-raped, possibly with Kavanaugh as one of the perpetrators.