Welcome back to another edition of evening snark and links.
Chicken Little claimed the sky was falling. Chicken Piddle is urinating on the Constitution and claiming the sky is falling and doing really well at the same time because of his greatness, all the while shouting NOT A CRIMINAL while committing crimes.
High in the anals of the henchweasel hierarchy there lives a particularly odious specimen. He goes by the name of Devin, reportedly has a strange affection for pigs and has never met a tRump he wouldn’t fluff. In today’s episode we are going to look at this champion of frivolous lawsuits, late night trips to hamstring investigations, the promotion of thoroughly debunked conspiracy theories and the probable cause of most intestinal distress in the United States.
Devin won this year’s award for most unctuous, obsequious congressional tRumpissta lickspittle, making this 3 straight years winning the award. He has worked very hard to attain his position in the swamp and will only relinquish it if the voters in his district grow weary of being represented by a fool.
Our liddle’ Devin was born 46 years ago in Tulare, California due to a punctured condom. After a totally uninspiring school career (possibly because of his long-standing attraction to one of the milking machines (the one with the extra tiny milking attachment) on his family’s dairy farm) he went on to his higher education. He did eventually receive a Masters Degree in Animal Husbandry from Cal Poly. In 2002, he rode Shrub’s tailcoats into congress from a very red district.
He has also received a BS degree in Political Sleaze from the National Republican Committee. It goes back to his early years. After his family sold their farm in Tulare, CA in 2006 and moved to Sibley, Iowa, Devin continued to tout his “Tulare family dairy farm” and abiding connection to it in all of his political campaigns.
Among the lowlights of Devin’s time in Washington are his full-throated participation in the Bengazi/emails/Uranium One investigations as a champion purveyor of slander, lies and baseless accusations. He is a card carrying climate change denier, a vocal opponent of the ACA and currently an opponent of immigration (even though his family’s farm, now in Iowa, employs mostly undocumented workers). Devin was one of the early signers of the Hypocritical Oath (scroll down a bunch. It really is there)
Recently Devin maxed out the ignominy meter with his behavior during the Mueller investigation and House investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election. He is also suing a fictional cow.
In just one month, March 2017 Nunes told the world that communications from members of Trump's transition team had been "incidentally collected" by the intelligence community. Nunes said his sources were whistleblowers whose identities he had to protect (probably including NSC lawyer John Eisenberg who would have helped him plan the release). He bleated all this out before briefing the rest of the House Intelligence Committee. Afterwards, Lindsey Graham called Nunes another Inspector Clouseau. That same month he also canceled a public hearing with former acting Attorney General Sally Yates, former National Security Agency Director James Clapper and former CIA Director John Brennan to protect the White House from damaging revelations.
That brings us up to today and the ongoing attempts by Devin to deflect, deny and distort on behalf of our ongoing Orangemare. Anyone who gives credence to his clumsy, bumbling and repetitive presentation of idiotic conspiracy theories, unrelated “but her emails” material and the intimate details of his bathroom schedule has to be on some serious drugs. Make no mistake, Devin Nunes is an intensely stupid man, who thinks he is clever and insightful. He projects all of the inherent honesty of a used car salesman that turns back odometers, paints over aluminum foil repairs of body damage and fixes leaky hoses with chewing gum. In 2020, California-22 needs to tell Devin to go piss up a rope and replace him with someone who has more than 3 functioning brain cells.
Update: I missed this earlier as I was out of the room when it happened. Nunes used Lev Parnas to facilitate his attempts to derail the Mueller investigations. Swalwell had the Daily Beast story about it read in to the record of the impeachment hearings. Devin, do you hear that sound? It’s karma knocking, you pitiful excuse for a legislator.
In case you missed it, this morning featured the long-awaited return of oldhippiedude to the Good News Roundup lineup. Welcome back my friend. I encourage the rest of you to go check it out.