Four more years of "Opposite Day"

Four years was not enough...vote for four more years of opposite day! It's easier than thinking!

On opposite day, you can conserve nothing, and still be a conservative! Why? Because it's OPPOSITE DAY, silly!

Look, the man doesn't own a timber company. And if he does, that's news to me. Maybe he just wants you to buy some wood.

• Saddam had no operative ties to the terrorists who attacked us, so Iraq is now the central front in the war on terror.

• To finish the job in Afghanistan means letting Osama bin Laden dictate how we defend ourselves.

• The lack of Iraqi WMDs made the urgency to invade that much greater.

• Increased attacks by insurgents means they are desperate. A raging insurgency in Iraq is proof of a war plan that worked too well.

• The UN is increasingly irrelevant, and that's why it's so important we stop at nothing to enforce UN resolution 1441.

• We don't want to be popular with the cheese-eaters. To criticize this posture is to denigrate our allies.

• The greatest threat to America is nuclear proliferation, so we need new nuclear weapons.

• If we don't give up some rights, the terrorists win.

• It's disrespectful to the troops and demeaning their sacrifice to speak out against an unjust war. Outing undercover CIA officers is protected free speech.

• Upholding the Geneva Conventions we wrote? Na ga da...we've got suspects to torture!

• Upholding the Constitution is the liberal work of activist judges and the ACLU. Snooping on your reading habits is PATRIOTIC!

• Homeland security is unaffordable. Insecurity is cheaper. A false sense of security is best.

• We are safer but we're not safe. ORANGE ALERT!

Why, why, why?!? Because it's OPPOSITE DAY! You're so silly, you probably think Elvis is moderating the third debate...You're even sillier...LET ME FINISH!!...You're even sillier than Richard Clarke.

Anyway...as I was saying...

• In order to protect life, we must block promising research to cure deadly diseases.

• Personal responsibility is essential for single mothers, but not for big polluters.

• We need to cap jury awards, because we can trust big business to regulate itself.

• Relaxing environmental regulations means clear skies. Selling old growth forests to timber companies makes healthy forests.

• Staggering job losses, shrinking incomes and a record number of bankruptcies are proof that the economy is strong and getting stronger.

• A record surplus is reason enough for a tax cut. But a record deficit is reason enough for a tax cut too.

• "Tax cut" means borrowing your own money at interest.

• The best way to enrich the middle class is to give away "your money" to the rich.

• In fact....deficits don't even matter, dude.Why? Because it's OPPOSITE DAY!

Sure, you can screw things up and blame everyone but yourself. Some people will confuse never admitting a mistake with never making a mistake.

Sure, it's hard work. But it'll be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as George Bush is the dictator!

Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!