Xmas' Greatest Hits (no poll)

OK, so it's a dubious choice of diary topics given that I'm an urban hermit and confirmed old curmudgeon and plan to order pizza today before Pizza Orgasmica closes, but here goes. This is my all-time greatest hits, for good or ill, and in no particular order after number one.

• A Charlie Brown Christmas - Shulz, Guaraldi et al
  
• Snoopy and the Red Baron/The Return of the Red Baron/Snoopy's Christmas - The Royal Guardsmen "Christmas bells, those Christmas bells...."
  
• The Many Moods of Christmas - Robert Shaw, Atlanta Symphony, TELARC
  
• Noel No. 10 (Grand jeu et duo) - Louis-Claude Daquin (that's for pipe organ, you uncultured twits!)
  
• Coventry Carol - 15th century, Pageant of the Shearmen and Tailors (any recording in the original unmetered version)
  
• Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - (why did I use to hate this song so much?  It's sooooo cool!)
  
• The Dickens Carolers at any Disney park
  
• One Magic Christmas - Mary Steenburgen
  
• Any family gathering that doesn't make you suicidal, homocidal, genocidal, or spermicidal - (I know, but it's Xmas--you can make a wish, can't you?)
  
• Tasty men, strong food, and good beer - (mix and match to suit)
  
• Driving around a strange city to view holiday lights on homes of people with more money than taste
  
• Blown Glass Christmas Trees - Dale Chihuly, White House collection ca. Clinton administration
  
• Our Jewish neighbors coming over to help trim the tree
  
• Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - Just because it's a great title
  
• Natural Santa's - real hair, real beard, no padding (OK, disclaimer, I'm almost there--got the white beard, hair still has too much color)
  
• Mannheim Steamroller - the less cheesy stuff (definitely NOT the last album) all the renaissance stuff, the German kiddie choir, and the Norman Luboff arrangement of Still, Still, Still
  
• Nightmare Before Christmas - Go Jack! (and also the Disney Haunted Mansion makeover, even though they don't call it Nightmare before Christmas any more)
  
• Any secular or non-xian holiday observance - C'mon, you gotta have something to cut the saccharine with!
  
• The Grinch Who Stole Christmas - Seuss, Karloff et al (look--I love Jim Carrey...but no.)
  
• The "Glock Girls" - the girls with impossibly luxuriant long hair playing the glockenspiel surrounding the Santa float in the Disney holiday parade (OK, I'm embarrassed to admit how old I was before I knew their hair was fake)
  
• Rodney Reindeer - plush toy from Hallmark Cards ca. 1980s
  
• Kransekake - traditional Norwegian ring cookie (heavy on the almond paste and mondo heavy on the butter!)
  
• Any holiday present that actually surprises you (in a good way)
  
• Winter Wonderland - Annie Lenox
  
• The Christmas Story in King James English - "And so it was that after the angels were gone away up into heaven, the Shepherds said, one to another, come let us go even unto Bethlehem and see this wondrous thing which the angel of the Lord hath made known unto us." (and I did that from friggin' memory, so there)
  
• Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear - (In honor of my friends on the production staff at Gap Body--do you have any idea how complicated bras are?)
  
• Judy Collins Christmas Special at the Biltmore Estate - How I wish I knew where my copy of that was!
  
• A painful death for anyone who has ever butchered The Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting...) - Oh, Mel...how did we fail you?
  
• Handel's Messiah with boy sopranos and counter tenors - you can hear the angels sing
  
• Coming Out on Christmas - or anything else sarcastic or satirical by any Gay Men's Chorus
  
• The Boynton Christmas Book - Especially the traditional holiday game, "Passing the Fruitcake"--Sandra Boynton is a friggin' Genius
  
• Chocolate - (speaking of Boynton)
  
• The Pagan origins of Christmas - From trees, to the Twelve Days, to Dec. 25th
  
• Home Alone - I and II (aaaaagggghhhhhh)
  
• Julie Andrews - The Firestone recordings from the '60s
  
• The pope wearing a Santa Hat
  
• Elf Liberation - (with apologies to J.K. Rowling)
  
• Anyone who has ever screwed you getting a lump of coal
  
• Explaining the historical significance of the Greek letter "X" to any xian objecting to "Xmas"

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a 'Good Night!'"