There was static over the radio, the voice could barely be heard, "The environmentalist, I need to speak to the environmentalist."
Yossarian picked up the radio, "Yes, yes."
"The environmentalist, I need to speak to the environmentalist."
"I am the environmentalist," Yossarian said.
It started on a sun drenched day in Washington D.C. Senator Olmoney was being congratulated by his Republican brethren for putting another judge over the top.
"That's the one we're going to back," the conservationist said.
"But I thought you're the conservationist," Yossarian said.
"Yes," the conservationist said as if his companion had simply spoken a plain fact.
"But Senator Olmoney just voted for a judge who hates the environment," Yossarian said.
"But he loves the environment," the conservationist said.
"Then why did he vote for the judge who hates the environment," Yossarian asked.
"He's a Republican, he had to," the conservationist said.
"All Republicans have to vote with Republicans?"
The conservationist shook his head. "Of course, this is Washington in 2006. Republicans vote with Republicans."
"The why are you supporting Senator Oldmoney?" Yosssarian said, trying to make sense.
"Ah, you see," the conservationist said, finger in the air, as if Yossarian just made his point, "because he's a Republican."
"But you said Republican's vote against the environment."
"But sometimes he votes for the environment," the conservationist explained.
"But I thought you said the Republicans vote against the environment and Senator Olmoney always votes with the Republicans."
"Except sometimes the Republicans don't care," the conservationist said.
Yossarian scratched his head. "But how could the Republicans not care if they always vote against the environment?"
"Sometime the vote doesn't matter really," the conservationist said, "and then they let Senator Oldmoney vote for the environment."
"But if it doesn't matter, what good is the vote?" Yossarian asked.
The conservationist was running out of patience, "Because he's a Republican who votes for the environment."
"But he always votes with the Republicans."
"Yes," the conservationist said.
"And the Republicans always vote against the environment when it matters?"
"Yes."
"So Senator Olmoney always votes against the environment when it matters."
"Except," the conservationist exclaimed, "sometimes he votes for the environment."
"But only when it doesn't matter," Yossarian said.
The conservationist shrugged. "He's a Republican. What else can he do? Really, I don't think you understand Washington in 2006."
"It doesn't make sense," Yossarian said. "What do you call this type of logic."
"We call it Catch-23," the conservationist said.
Yossarian whistled. "That's some Catch that Catch-23."
"It comes down from the Pope."
"THE POPE?" Yossarian wasn't a Catholic but he was impressed the pope was an environmentalist.
"There's only one really."
"In Rome he's thinking about Senator Oldmoney?" Yossarian asked.
"Pope is in Rome? He must be on vacation. He gets too hot during the summer. Have you heard about global warming?"
The radio blasted static, "The environmentalist, I need to speak to the environmentalist."
"I am the environmentalist," Yossarian said.
"The environmentalist is dead."
"I am the environmentalist," Yossarian said.