Dalton Trumbo's 1939 book had some of the most graphic passages ever written
about the horrors of war. It is told by a young soldier Joe
Bonham who looses his arms, legs eyes, ears, mouth, and
nose in WWI. The horrifically wounded soldier is conscious
and remains alive only inside his head reliving old memories and
fighting nightmares and dreaming of finding a way to
communicate to the hospital staff that he wants to become a show
in a carnival to let others know what war is really
about.
He had no arms and no legs.
He threw back his head and started to yell from fright.
But he only started because he had no mouth to yell with. He was
so surprised at not yelling when he tried that he began to work
his jaws like a man who has found something interesting and wants
to test it. He was so sure the idea of no mouth was a dream that
he could investigate it calmly. He tried to work his jaws and he
had no jaws. He tried to run his tongue around the inside of his
teeth and over the roof of his mouth as if he were chasing a
raspberry seed. But he didn't have any tongue and he hadn't any
teeth. There was no roof to his mouth and there was no mouth. He
tried to swallow but he couldn't because he had no palate and
there weren't any muscles left to swallow with.
He began to smother and pant. It was as if someone had
pushed a mattress over his face and was holding it there. He was
breathing hard and fast now but he wasn't really breathing
because there wasn't any air passing through his nose. He didn't
have a nose. He could feel his chest rise and fall and quiver but
not a breath of air was passing through the place where his nose
used to be.
He got a wild panicky eagerness to die to kill himself. He
tried to calm his breathing to stop breathing entirely so he
would suffocate. He could feel the muscles at the bottom of his
throat close tight against the air but the breathing in his chest
kept right on.
----
It was funny how calm he was. He was quiet just like a
storekeeper taking spring inventory and saying to himself I see I
have no eyes better put that down in the order book. He had no
legs and no arms and no eyes and no ears and no nose and no mouth
and no tongue What a hell of a dream. It must be a dream. Of
course sweet god it's a dream. He'd have to wake up or he'd go
nuts. Nobody could live like that. A person in that condition
would be dead and he wasn't dead so he wasn't in that condition.
Just dreaming.
But it wasn't a dream.
He could want it to be a dream forever and that wouldn't
change things. Because he was alive alive. He was nothing but a
piece of meat like the chunks of cartilage old Prof Vogel used to
have in biology. Chunks of cartilage that didn't have anything
except life so they grew on chemicals. But he was one up on the
cartilage. He had a mind and it was thinking. That's more than
Prof Vogel could ever say of his cartilages. He was thinking and
he was just a thing.
Oh no. No no no.
He couldn't live like this because he would go crazy. But
he couldn't die because he couldn't kill himself. If he could
only breathe he could die. That was funny but it was true. He
could hold his breath and kill himself. That was the only way
left. Except that he wasn't breathing. His lungs were pumping
air, but he couldn't stop them from doing it. He couldn't live
and he couldn't die.
---
But what do the dead say?
Did anybody ever come back from the dead any single one of
the millions who got killed did any one of them ever come back
and say by god I'm glad I'm dead because death is always better
than dishonor? Did they say I'm glad I died to make the world
safe for democracy? Did they say I like death better than losing
liberty? Did any of them ever say it's good to think I got my
guts blown out for the honor of my country? Did any of them ever
say look at me I'm dead but I died for decency and that's better
than being alive? Did any of them ever say here I am and I've
been rotting for two years in a foreign grave but it's wonderful
to die for your native land?
--- They died crying in their minds like little babies.
They forgot the thing they were fighting for the things they were
dying for. They thought about things a man can understand. They
died yearning for the face of a friend. They died whimpering for
the voice of a mother a father a wife a child They died with
their hearts sick for one more look at the place where they were
born please god just one more look. They died moaning and sighing
for life. They knew what was important They knew that life was
everything and they died with screams and sobs. They died with
only one thought in their minds and that was I want to live I
want to live I want to live. ---
Take me into the schoolhouses all the schoolhouses in the
world. Suffer little children to come unto me isn't that right?
They may scream at first and have nightmares at night but they'll
get used to it because they've got to get used to it and it's
best to start them young. Gather them around my case and say here
little girl here little boy come and take a look at your daddy.
Come and look at yourself. You'll be like that when you grow up
to be great big strong men and women. You'll have a chance to die
for your country. And you may not die you may come back like
this. Not everybody dies little kiddies
Closer please. You over there against the blackboard
what's the matter with you? Quit crying you silly little girl
come over here and look at the nice man the nice man who was a
soldier boy. You remember him don't you? Don't you remember
little crybaby how you waved flags and saved tinfoil and put your
savings in thrift stamps? Of course you do you silly. Well here's
the soldier you did it for.
Come on youngsters take a nice look and then we'll go into
our nursery rhymes. New nursery rhymes for new times. Hickory
dickory dock my daddy's nuts from shellshock. Humpty dumpty
thought he was wise till gas came along and burned out his eyes.
A dillar a dollar a ten o'clock scholar blow off his legs and
then watch him holler. Rockabye baby in the treetop don't stop a
bomb or you'll probably flop. Now I lay me down to sleep my
bombproof cellar's good and deep but if I'm killed before I wake
remember god it's for your sake amen.
Take me into the colleges and universities and academies
and convents. Call the girls together all the healthy beautiful
young girls. Point down to me and say here girls is your father.
Here is that boy who was strong last night. Here is your little
son your baby son the fruit of your love the hope of your future.
Look down on him girls so you won't forget him. See that red gash
there with mucus hanging to it? That was his face girls. Here
girls touch it don't be afraid. Bend down and kiss it. You'll
have to wipe your lips afterward because they will have a strange
rotten stuff on them but that's all right because a lover is a
lover and here is your lover.