Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

"But what are we to do about those shrill bloggers...?"

Mary Cheney is pregnant and soon the world will be home to another bouncing baby quail-hunter. Despite my disagreements with the Cheneys on other matters, I'm thrilled for Mary and her partner, Heather. And so is the American Psychological Association:

Not a single study has found children of lesbian or gay parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents. Indeed, the evidence to date suggests that home environments provided by lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those provided by heterosexual parents to support and enable children's psychosocial growth.

And so is the American Academy of Pediatrics:

[A] considerable body of professional literature provides evidence that children with parents who are homosexual can have the same advantages and the same expectations for health, adjustment, and development as can children whose parents are heterosexual.

And so are the rest of the leading reality-based children's advocacy and wellness organizations.

So who do the folks at TIME magazine scrape off the bottom of their shoe to lay down a patch of Grade-A truthiness about child-rearing by same-sex couples? A preacherman whose Cuckoosphere is so large it has its own zip code: James Dobson. His judgment from Pluto: polygamy laws be damned, Mary and Heather need to add a daddy to the mix! After all, in Uncle Dobbie's (the kind of uncle most people would lock away in the basement when company arrives) world, a father can be very useful for keeping the young'un from turning gay in the first place:

[T]he boy's father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.

Excellent editorial decision, TIME. Maybe next week you can convince Senator James Inhofe to present the "facts" about global warming.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There’s Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Note: One of my biggest regrets in life is that, no matter how hard I try, I will never become a sultan.  No, not even a token sultan.

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By the Numbers:
Days ‘til Festivus: 10
Days `til YearlyKos '07 August 2-5: 232
Expected rise in Internet holiday shopping this year: +23%
Expected online holiday sales: $27 Billion
(Source: Smartmoney.com via The Week magazine)
Factor by which the average noise level underwater in the ocean has increased since 1965: 3
(Source: Harper’s Index)
Amount Jimi Hendrix's 1968 Fender Stratocaster guitar sold for at auction last week: $168,000

Mid-week Rapture Index: 162 (including 2 tribulation temples and 4 globalisms)  Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion---now available in the new EZSpray pump---is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: The barefoot labs of Killingworth.

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CHEERS to unexpected surprises.  Let me get this straight: 35 days after the November midterm elections, we won another seat in the House???  I don't think my liver can take much more of this celebratin'.  Welcome to the winner's circle, Ciro!

CHEERS to hosing down the pigsty.  A couple positive signs from the soon-to-be Democratic majority: our side plans to "clear the decks" of pork from abandoned Republican budget bills...and make the page board bipartisan (and include parents of current and former pages to it).  Combined, the two measures will exceed the positive accomplishments of the 109th Congress by two measures.

JEERS to the worst new bosses in the world.  More carnage in Iraq yesterday as a pair of suicide bombers, having attracted a crowd with the promise of employment, blew up over 60 70 people in the heart of Baghdad.  Hundreds more were injured.  On the bright side, the al-Maliki government has promised to keep their résumés on file.

JEERS to knuckleheads in uniform.  We pay our military leaders' salaries, right?  They take an oath to put the Constitution above all else, right?  There's a separation between church and state in this country, right?  Well then, can somebody tell me why we have a bunch of wingnut brass extremists running around on a right-wing Christian crusade, putting religion above We the People and intimidating those in their ranks who don't pray hard enough?  I’ll take that stunned silence as a "No."

CHEERS to itty bitty babies in itty bitty combat booties.  Cigars all around today!  Virginia Senator-elect Jim Webb and his wife, Hong Le, had a baby girl Monday.  The first sound out of her mouth: "Slug pweznit."  Attagirl!

CHEERS to the shortest reprieve ever.  Monday ruling: Convicted Enron scumsucker Jeffrey Skilling is free to do as he pleases while judges consider his bail request.  Tuesday ruling: KA-CHUNG!!  (Cheer up, little fella...I hear on your first day they give you extra paprika in your slop.)

JEERS to fashion (non)sense.  CNN's Jeff Greenfield suggests that, because Barack Obama wears a collared shirt and a jacket, but no tie, he’ll remind Americans of evil Iranian president Ahmadinejagoff.  If true, then so will Don Rumsfeld.  And Hillary Clinton.  And President Truman Bush.  And John McCain.  And Dick Cheney.  And every other politician alive today.  Y’know, most people don’t start drinking until after noon for a reason, Jeff.

CHEERS to the howler of the day.  Disgraced former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist wrote this in USA Today Monday:

The Congressional session that just concluded actually leaves a solid record of achievement for America. The House and Senate both worked to protect our country, crack down on crime, promote a strong economy, improve education and approve sensible judges in a fair manner.

He added: "Thank you! Thank you verrrr much!  Tip your servers!  Goodnight, D.C.!"

JEERS to Tony Blair.  During his cliché-filled interview with George "I'm Cute And Everybody Loves Me" Stephanopoulos on This Week Sunday, he promised to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with us in Iraq, like, 4 evuh:

George Stephanopoulos: But, to be clear, you don’t think we should be talking about any kind of...withdrawal of troops now?"

Tony Blair: I think we’ve got to plan to succeed.  I think that if we start saying to the people who we’re fighting in Iraq that we’re ready to get out...I think that would be very serious."

What he didn’t say is that he's planning to cut and run next year.  Thanks for the Very Serious Advice, Guv'nuh.

JEERS to passing the buck.  President Bush said these words about historians of the future as they assess Iraq: "I'll be dead when they get it right."  Pretzel, sir?

P.S. Officials now say Bush won’t announce his "New Way Forward to Stay The Course" until next year.  That means a lot of additional U.S. soldiers will die for a mistake while he's slurping his virgin eggnog and "HehHehHeh'ing" by the fireside.  Their moms and dads will be so thrilled.

CHEERS to punching in.  Bob Schieffer had some words for the Congressional Whiner Caucus Sunday on Face the Nation...

[W]hen Democratic leaders announced the new Congress would work five days a week instead of the barely three days a week they worked this year, Democrats and Republicans howled. ... Earth to Congress: there are a lot of working parents who have to juggle family and work schedules. Maybe another line of work would better suit your lifestyles. ... [W]e should not only demand [Congress] work five days a week, but that members punch a time clock like many working Americans. That way, we would at least know where they are.

Smart idea.  They were getting too good at chewing through their electric ankle tethers, anyway.

CHEERS to gut-wrenching moments.  On this date in 1809, the first abdominal surgery was performed in Danville, Kentucky.  Followed immediately by the first abdominal surgery to remove a surgeon's watch.

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Two Years Ago in C&J: December 13, 2004...

CHEERS to Social Security.  Don't let Bush fool ya...it's in better shape than he's letting on, as this graph shows.  Gotta love those manufactured scare scandals.  "Ooga Booga!!  HehHehHeh..."

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And just one more...

CHEERS to self-gifting.  Ho Ho Ho, baby!  Check out my new Bentley Azure convertible.  At only $329,000 I couldn’t resist.  And a special message to the person whose credit card number I used: Bless you.

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If you missed The Daily Show last night, don’t miss the rerun tonight at 8 ET---it's a classic.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless Testimonial:

"I'm more or less a dinosaur. I use Cheers and Jeers for things like buying car parts, reading celebrity gossip."
---Steve Wilson
Baby Boomer

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