I was thinking what a wonderful time of year it is for political junkies. Right now the leaves are turning yellow and red outside and inside it's all hope and speculation. The Primaries are still a way off. Although anyone who follows this stuff long ago picked out their favorite. Or maybe not. The cement isn't dry yet. Nobody has yet been crushed by the horror of election night returns or the demented hope that the hanging chads might somehow save us from a count in the Republican's favor. The whole country is sort of like Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde skipping off to her very first class at Harvard Law: all shiny with hope.
It's all coming to a grinding halt. As a trade-off for living in NYC, once every election cycle I get treated to those rabid New Jersey political ads that sling mud faster than an 18-wheeler going through Secaucus. That's right, every single New Jersey politician has like 600 "dirty" campaign ads that start running in full rotation about a year before the election--and during each of my 3 favorite tv shows. I don't dislike the Garden State, I just wish it had it's own tv channels.
This morning I saw one. No, I saw 23. During one single hour-long show. All I can say is that Bergen County, New Jersey must be the most mis-managed, crime-infested municipality in the universe. Or it's under the maniacal control of political criminals who have destroyed it with corruption, and political hand-outs like Godzilla tearing through Tokyo. I can't be bothered to figure out which.
After seeing 300 of these ridiculous "attack" ads over my second cup of coffee this morning, it really struck me how much effort and faith is poured into marketing in our political system. Real faith and the political kind. Marketing. Branding. Positioning. Hard, cold cash. Up to this point, we've had some lovely debates. Yes, there has been some name-calling. ("You're Bush Lite. No, YOU'RE Bush Lite.") Harmless. But it's fairly civil discourse focused on the issues that bother us most, like oral sex Iraq and tax cuts. Sort of a sweet, innocent moment before we're subjected to massive doses of marketing and positioning that treats us like utter imbiciles and wrecks the political discourse.
TV Campaign ads usually feature some eerie photo of the candidate and a voiceover that would suit a serial killer. If it's an incumbent, the serial killer voice tends to be soft and comforting, like Hannibal Lechter. If it's the challenger, the voice tends to be a booming Ted Bundy.
I'm really looking forward to the Bush team's carefully-worded and audience-tested first campaign theme: "the world is more peaceful and more free under my leadership." Yes, you read that correctly. It's shrewd, it's insane, and it's going to get under my skin so fast I'll be running for the men's room in no time. It would also sound fantastic with the Hannibal Lechter voiceover talking behind a heroic picture of Bush on an aircraft carrier. It also just might have the power to make people who desperately want to believe such things think "geez, you know, Bush ain't that bad." Add some hanging chads to the mix and we've got Bush III. No, two and a half.
I admit it's a much more clever theme than my current favorite. That's the one the NYPost ran with on Sunday under the headline THE ECONOMY IS SHOWING LIZA-LIKE STRENGTH I think the Dean team should pick that one up, frankly. But that would actually be clever, bitchy, and most likely appealing to people like me. And it's true!