On Tuesday night we witnessed an amazing display of presidential courage. For nearly a century there has been an ongoing campaign against the natural order, a war on our values and our very being, waged by a multinational conglomerate that hides their sinister ends behind a myriad of adorable facades.
It began with a fun-loving mouse in big-buttoned shorts piloting a steamboat. But who could have imagined, at that first screening of Steamboat Willie, where it would all end?
The Walt Disney Company purports to be a family friendly entertainment company pumping out wholesome entertainment at the Happiest Place on Earth and in your local cineplex. But even a brief historical review of Disney's top films (all aimed at impressionable children, the most vulnerable among us) will reveal that this has been a well planned, consummately executed campaign to blur the lines between man and beast and lay the groundwork for the creation of a Super Race of endearing, wide eyed, animal-human hybrids with high pitched voices.
Notice how in the beginning, the animals in Disney's propaganda films didn't even speak. Sure, they wore pants, operated machinery and had girlfriends, but this was the genius of Disney's plan: using humor to get us to let down our guard through laughter and a suspension of disbelief. And thus, phase one: get the Americans to accept the animals as delightful, non-threatening entertainers. It worked better than anyone, even Disney himself, could have anticipated.
Eventually, the animals began interacting with a parade of damsels in distress, silently comforting and assisting these beautiful young princesses as they faced various perils and injustices. We loved them for their cheer, their empathy, their selflessness and of course, their cuteness. In real life a squirrel might give you rabies and a raccoon will tear you to shreds, but this wondrous array of woodland wildlife was warm, adoring and lovable - like a brood of furry younger siblings. We were hooked.
When the time was right the animals began to speak, to drive cars, build homes and form families - all the things that humans do. In fact, they began starring in their own feature length productions such as Bambi and Dumbo. We were meant to empathize with the poor, bereft orphaned creatures, just as we would for human orphans; in fact, more so, because these were innocent animals cruelly stripped away from their parents by heartless, faceless "men." This was phase two: get us to identify with the animals/heroes rather than the humans/villains. It worked like a charm.
Please understand: all of this was designed to set the stage for the final phase: the eventual intermingling, intermarrying and interbreeding of animals and humans.
Lest you imagine I am being paranoid and alarmist, behold: the abominable and frightening result has already been packaged and sold to millions of youngsters and their gullible parents. Witness the terrible man/beast satyrs in Fantasia, The Shaggy DA (a werewolf tale made more palatable by the fact that the DA turns into a sheepdog rather than a vicious man-eating he-wolf), the vile fish/girl/woman amalgam Ariel (AKA The Little Mermaid), and finally Beauty and The Beast - a blatant attempt to desensitize grade-schoolers to bestiality. (And please, do not even get me started on Mr. Tumnus.)
On Tuesday night, President Bush finally stood up to Walt Disney & Co. and said "No more." By demanding that we write into a law a prohibition against the creation of human-animal hybrids, the President sent a strong message to all the satyr-drawing, faun-loving, mermaid-making, beast-humping perverts at Disney: we know who you are, we know what you're doing, and we will stop at nothing to thwart your evil plan. What was being plotted in secret Mr. Bush has hauled out into the harsh light of day. What a mighty warrior our President is!
The president has done his part, and now we must do ours. I call on every reader to contact his or her congressperson and demand that they get to work on anti-chimera legislation right away. And do not forget to vote with your wallet! Let Disney know that you are on to them and you will no longer be duped by their pro-chimera propaganda by avoiding all Disney movies, music, DVDs, theme parks, pop stars (home grown and manufactured), toys, clothing, housewares, bedding, television programming, radio, wristwatches, alarm clocks, telephones, license plate holders, bobbleheads, animation cels, switchplate covers, sleeping bags, party favors, plush toys, action figures, dolls, snack foods, books, puzzles, art supplies, shoes, umbrellas, jewelry, bicycle accessories and special edition boxes of cereal, band-aids and Kraft Cheese and Macaroni.
Do your part. The very future of humanity is at stake.