Armageddon, the Apocalypse, End of Days....my butt.

Like, gag me with a spoon. If I read another breathless diary or comment that asks us if indeed Armageddon is upon us (t'aint, it's a PLACE ya'll), or if Bush is in fact hastening the End of Days with his mideast policies, or if global warming is yet another sign of aforementioned Armageddon, et cetera et cetera et cetera, my eyes just might roll down the street.

When I was 15 (circa 1989) and sitting in my high school cafeteria with my pal as we pored over a well-worn Nostradamus book from the library, my blood suddenly ran cold. Right there in front of me was the very year IN PRINT that the End would be nigh. That year would be 1994, and I knew in an instant that it would simply ruin my plans for college. A measly 5 years? Fuck. I was still a virgin, and I didnt even have my driver's license yet. Would 5 years be enough time for me to do all the stuff I thought I wanted to do? Would I ever grow boobs, have a baby, fall in love?

SO, 1994 rolls around. I am now living in Boston as a sophomore art student at BU. I admit, Nostradamus crossed my mind more than once during that year even though I felt pretty secure with our new government. If anyone could diffuse the Great Satan before he destroyed mankind it was charming President Clinton. Eventually 1994 came and went rather uneventfully, and over the years I would occasionally see another Nostradamus or biblical prediction of world's end...1997, 1999, 2004 blah blah blah. I fully admit that even though I aim to be thoughtful and pragmatic at all times, my heart will lurch a tiny bit when I read from someone speculating about the Apocalypse. Its exciting for a split second before I remember how silly the idea really is. Like any proper tinfoily theory it all FEELS like it makes SENSE until you actually apply your crack logic skillz.

Our current global situation is certainly mired in hip deep crap. There's a lot of bad stuff going on, and coming out of the halcyon Clinton years it seems especially grim. Many of us have never experienced want or sickness or hunger. We had the random good fortune to be born into a country with an exceptionally high standard of living, and we now see this threatened continually, which scares us. Throw in a dose of war and terror and weapons of mass destruction and we have an existential mix potent enough for us to wonder aloud if we arent in fact disastrously close to, um, disaster of apocalyptic proportion.

I say no.

Yes, the earth will change. Yes, we will have pandemics. Yes, we will have wars. Maybe even nuclear ones. Maybe we will face another Great Depression, maybe the Canadians will invade. Maybe we will be blown back to caveman days (except with an infrastructure like Road Warrior, with some rusty Vespas). There's a gazillion possibilities. My feeling is that mankind will somehow persevere with some degree of civility until we're hit by an asteroid or invaded by space monsters. One thing Im pretty certain about is that this looming Middle East conflict/war, George W Bush, and $5.00 gasoline isnt going to hasten the End of Times. The Rapture folks are simply wasting their time (comically, IMO). No doubt mankind WILL end someday, but probably not wrapped up neatly and served on a platter like some seem to think.

Especially ludicrous to me is the idea that George W is a cog in the Armageddon machine because of his religious fervor and desire to hasten End Times. Ridiculous. Why on earth would he and his handlers have worked SO hard for years to get themselves and everyone they know filthy stinking rich if only to ruin their retirement by dying in the fiery inferno? Makes no sense. W is a lot of things, but he is not a truly religious man.

Apocalyptic thought and/or predicting the End of Days is ultimately somewhat calming for humans. It makes us feel as though things make sense; it seems to explain things. On a smaller scale this same fear of 'random' is also why people enjoy watching LOST or M. Night Shaymalaman movies (he sucks, btw). Synchronicity, even horrible synchronicity, is soothing to us. In my humble opinion as a lapsed Catholic agnostic, fear of random explains religious fervor quite accurately, even though random rules the day.

The hippies had it right. For everything there is a season and all that. We're born and then we die. In the all the history of mankind I cant think of another time Id rather be born into than now, and I am continually thankful even if I am nuked someday, or fried by the sun. So many billions of people have had wretched lives of starvation and plague and terror...as shitty as the world seems today, its been much worse. We HAVE learned a thing or two, even though the stakes are much higher and things seem complicated as hell.

BTW I did eventually grow boobs, fall in love, and have a baby. These days I pretty much ignore Nostradamus and the relentless End of Times programming on the History Channel. Maybe I'm wrong about not fearing the apocalypse, but I dont think so.