Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 15, 2007
Note: POW! SOCK! BIFF! Tomorrow's C&J will be a west coast-friendly edition. Join us around 3pm PST (6pm EST) when we'll hear Alfred the Butler exclaim: "Master Wayne...that is absolutely huge!"
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 7
Days 'til Festivus: 38
Percent of November that's over: 50%
Percent of Americans who plan to stop working "completely" between the ages of 50 and 64: 21%
Between the ages of 65 and 72: 48%
Percent who plan to work forever: 8%
(Source: AARP survey via USA Today)
Last time a candidate who was shorter than average got elected president: 1888 (Benjamin Harrison, at 5'6", was an inch shorter than average)
(Source: Parade magazine)
Number of kittens Grover Norquist has "allegedly" drowned in the bathtub: 237
(Source: A source)
-
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Permit me, if you will, to adddress exactly how far back in law we have moved since 9/11. Anybody remember an old potboiler called The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas---same guy who wrote The Three Musketaeers? The plot of this tale of revenge turns on an ancient French legal gizmo called the lettre de cachet, literally, a letter of hiding. The story is about a splendid and happy young man who is put away for eighteen years on a fortress prison isle---solely on the strength of anonymous letters of accusation. No trial, no facts, no evidence, no counterargument, just---oops, you've gone down the oubliette---the slot into the dungeon. Even by the time of the French Revolution, this clunker of a plot device was antiquated. Not even the ancien regime used it much.
Yet in the United States of America, in 2006, we are now using this very same legal device, centuries gone and utterly discredited. This is not about illegal aliens, or foreign residents, or Arab students---this applies to citizens of the United States of America. At any given moment, the president can---without offering any evidence, and without following any rules of procedure---declare any one of us to be a danger, "an enemy combatant," a description for which no legal definition exists.
---From Bill of Wrongs (Random House, 2007---with Lou Dubose)
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Busted. (My guess: credit card fraud.)
-
CHEERS to long-distance diplomacy. Tuesday in Boston, folks got the chance to pick up the red courtesy phone and speak with Iranians about war, politics, this' n that. It's part of an effort by a group called Enough Fear:
Somerville activist Nick Jehlen organized the party line with the Enough Fear campaign, which was founded last year after discussions between American and Iranian bloggers about ways to defuse tensions between their countries. Jehlen said it was a test run for a project that could be repeated in other cities.
The group's official site is here. It's pretty cool. Last time I got on the line I sold someone named Mahmud twenty cases of miracle fat-burning pills. Capitalism rules.
WEARY CHEERS to stumping on The Strip. Here we go again. Tonight there's a DNC-sanctioned presidential debate in Las Vegas (hosted by Wolf "Donderand" Blitzer and aired on CNN). Hillary's new strategy: as soon as she senses the rest of the field is ganging up on her, she's going into labor.
P.S. Goodness, which drinking games haven’t we tried yet? Here's an idea: every time you hear Mike Gravel yell, "Let...me...in!!!" take a swig or a shot.
P.P.S. And since this is the 100th Democratic debate of the year, everybody in America gets a free "Make It Stop!" coffee mug.
JEERS to riflemen without roofs. You can add Maine to the sorry list of states where too many goddam troops are not being supported:
A national study estimates that about 120 veterans in Maine were homeless on any given night last year. Service providers in Portland, however, say the actual number is much greater than the estimate provided by the National Alliance to End Homelessness, which released its estimates last week.
"Veterans make up a disproportionate share of homeless people," according to the study. "They represent roughly 26 percent of homeless people, but only 11 percent of the civilian population 18 years and older. This is true despite the fact that veterans are better educated, more likely to be employed, and have a lower poverty rate than the general population."
A military spokesman said, "Hey, they can always join the Army." Comforting.
CHEERS to Edwards on the air. John's new health care ad makes a bold promise: to cut Congress off from their health care plan if universal care isn’t passed by the summer of '09. (Ballsy!) And here with an opposing view is...um...Swift Kids For Truth??? It's getting' ugly out there.
JEERS to the Brothers Klutzamazov. Two brothers. One a state department inspector general obstructing an investigation of Blackwater, the other a member of Blackwater's board of directors. Neither has any idea what the other one is doing. And yet both profit handsomely from each other. And get this: unbeknownst to each other, they're both into knitting tea cozies for country bazaars and collecting Hummels. Spooky.
CHEERS to I Got The News Today (IGTNT). Since April, 2004, the series started by Kossack "idunno" and carried on by others has told the stories of our soldiers who died in Iraq and Afghanistan. Last night we wrote:
I hope I'm not the first person to tell you that this is the best and most important diary series here at Daily Kos. These tributes reduce me to rubble every time I get up the nerve to open them. They're devastating in their homespun simplicity and quiet reflection. They don't feel like obituaries, but rather like stories being told in a relative's living room.
IGTNT is a not a place for "Damn that Bush!" condemnation. Rather, it's a sanctuary where one can offer thanks, prayers and godspeed to those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. And you guys do it day after day after day without fail. I admire your intestinal fortitude.
Thank you, IGTNT'ers, for keeping this up. I hope you'll take this in the intended spirit when I say: I hope it ends soon.
But until then, keep telling the stories.
CHEERS to Mary Had A Little Lamb. It's just one of the kewl tunes you can play with the buttons on your touch-tone phone, which was invented on this date in 1963. If you care, press 1 now. If you don't care, press 2. Or please stay on the line and someone will be with you shortly to sell you something you don't need.
JEERS to the sounds of torture. The CIA says it has recordings of the interrogations of al Qaeda prisoners. C&J has obtained an exclusive transcript of Zacarias Moussaoui's session:
-
"Hi, I'm Bill O'Reilly, and welcome to my audiobook version of Culture Warrior. Chapter One. It was a cold, gray day in Levittown..."
-
My god. It's worse than I imagined.
JEERS to thoughts better left unshared. Yesterday, while heading downtown on the Metro bus, I found out from an apparently lobotomized passenger that, if Barack Obama is elected president, we'll all have "watermelons and banjos on the lawn." Moments later I found out that "God needs to come down and sort this all out." Maybe you should go see her instead, moron.
JEERS to getting punk'd by Paris's pachyderms. Remember that AP story about Paris Hilton taking up the cause of drunk elephants in India? Three days ago the news agency issued a retraction:
In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India.
Guess which retracted AP story got three columns worth of ink yesterday in the Portland Press Herald? Oh go on...take a guess. That's right. You are so smart.
P.S. After receiving my six-page complaint, this morning the Press Herald took personal responsibility for its actions: "The AP failed to notify the newspaper that it had killed the story because of accuracy concerns." Journamalism!
CHEERS to your morning rah-rah chant. Deep breath in, and everybody together now: "We're Number ONE! We're Number ONE! We're Number ONE...in Chlamydia!!! Gooooo...team!" Okay, good job. Hit the showers.
-
One Year Ago in C&J: November 15, 2006...
CHEERS to the new kid on the Dem block. Pack your bags, Joe Courtney, you're going to Washington as the new Congressman from Connecticut's 2nd District! An official recount gave the Vernon attorney a victory margin of 91 votes. Or, in the parlance of the official Board of Elections Handbook (9th Edition), "one butt hair."
JEERS to Republicans run amok. Reason #397 why our victory last Tuesday was important. Newsweek says: "In 1987, Reagan vetoed a bill because it had 152 earmarks; in '05, Bush signed one with 6,371." Terrible, just terrible. (But I'm not giving back my diamond-encrusted electric disco ball. Thanks, Senator Snowe!)
-
And just one more...
CHEERS to Deep Thoughts. While Jack Handy avoids the political (after all, the thoughts are deep), we found some striking parallels to certain pressing issues of the day...
The Environment: People need to realize that every time they talk about how "fragile" our planet is, it's just like asking outer space aliens to come invade us.
Health Care: The next time you go to the doctor, go ahead and bring in a stool sample. They might need it. Better go ahead and bring some for the dentist, too.
The modern military: I think that a hat that has a little cannon that fires then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.
Sex Ed: I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don't we go out to the horse pasture and I'll show you." So we did, and there on the ground were my parents having sex.
International Diplomacy: In some countries, what I did would be considered polite, especially Fartland.
Or at my house.
-
Oh, happy 60th birthday, Bill Richardson (there's an official campaign birthday bash in Manchester tonight), and many blessings on your camels! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Rudy and John and Fred and Mitt and Mike: Take a break from kissing babies to pick up the phone and congratulate Bill in Portland Maine. Seek his endorsement after you win the nomination. What the heck---offer him the vice presidency."
---Bill Kristol
11/11/07
-
