I don't know how I will tell my wife

From the diaries, with minor edits. This is why we have to end this war. mcjoan

I know my wife hasn't seen the following headline yet, or there'd be one hell of an angry, angst-ridden email in my inbox: Oklahoma National Guard to Deploy to Iraq in 2008

It seems that my brigade has been given a warning order to prepare to deploy to Iraq in 2008, about six months after I get home.

I don't know if it's the full brigade, or just the parts that haven't deployed recently, but with the new change in army policy, I could conceivably go home this summer and turn around next January and go to Iraq.

Lovely.  Just fucking lovely.

A more complete article can be found at the website of our state's very right-wing newspaper--a paper so skewed it should be printed as a tabloid instead of a broadsheet--the Daily Oklahoman (registration required):

"We very rarely receive a notification of this sort and then a decision is made not to send them, although it has happened in the past," [Adujant General of Oklahoma, Major General Henry] Wyatt said.

And if I thought that my current deployment would make me less likely to go on this new one, boy did I have another thing coming:

About 85 percent of the soldiers in the 45th Infantry Brigade already have served combat deployments, most in Iraq or Afghanistan. Two of the brigade's units are deployed now. The 1st Battalion, 180th Infantry is in Afghanistan, and the 245th Engineer Company is in Iraq. Wyatt said these soldiers will have the experience that comes with being combat veterans, but he said it will also cause additional stress.

"We understand we're asking the families and employers and soldiers to deploy again," Wyatt said.

Erm, Ya think, Sir?!?

I don't know if I'm going to have to go or not.  I damn sure ain't volunteering.

Commanders already have re-evaluated training plans in light of the possible deployment. Wyatt said much of the brigade's pre-deployment training will be handled by the Guard before the troops are activated.

Wyatt said he has pushed the Army to put the brigade on alert and issue mobilization orders as soon as possible to allow commanders access to additional equipment and other resources the troops will need. He said he hopes official orders will come in by the end of February. Body armor and some weapons are in short supply to Oklahoma Guardsmen, as National Guard units nationally have shared their resources to equip troops deploying to combat areas.

"We will not let any soldier go ... unless they are fully-equipped with all of their equipment and have all the training they need to accomplish the mission," Wyatt said. "If we can't do that, then they're not going in."

Now, I don't want anyone to think that I disrespect my Adjutant General.  I've met him personally, and he's a good man.  He takes care of business, so I've no doubt that he'll take care of us as best he can.
Having said that, if I am going to Iraq, and I haven't heard for sure yet--no one has handed me orders, or looked me in the eye and said "you, 'soonergrunt' are going," I'd rather just stay on active duty rather than have my employer try to put me to work for six months and then find ANOTHER replacement for me.

I will not volunteer for this mission, but if ordered to go, I will go.  I know that there are those out there who would have me go AWOL or refuse to deploy.

I cannot do that.  I owe too much to these young men whom I promised I would lead and protect.  I do not believe that all war is wrong, so I cannot honestly petition to be a conscientious objector.  I also do not believe that just because I hate the president I have to right to refuse to live up to my oath.  I'm not a conservative, after all.  I have a family to feed, and soldiers to take care of.  I can do neither from prison.

I just hope that neither I nor one of my men are the last to die for a mistake.

Lovely.  Just fucking lovely.