It really is all Clinton's fault

Social conservatives paint Clinton as a font of immorality, the personification of the disasterous effects of godless sixties liberalism.  When you spend some Google time actually examining the evidence, as I do here, you have to concede that they might have a point.

Drugs: yes, it’s time to stop denying that Clinton was a pothead:

On December 6, 2003, Clinton was charged with one felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor count of possessing drug paraphernalia in Tallahassee, Florida.

That’s right. Clinton was hosing up the Bolivian marching powder every chance he could get.  Sure he cleaned up later on, but check out some of those public appearances from the seventies, when he was on the way up.  Ask anyone who’s had experience of these things and they’ll tell you that he was basically high all the time.  Don’t believe me? Do a quick search on YouTube: look at the way he moves, listen to that thick, stoned voice; Jesus, just look at his eyes.

There’s no doubt that his actions have encouraged kids to experiment with mind-altering substances.  He is a dangerous role model for our children.

Sex: this is the big one.  Clinton’s sexual exploits are the stuff of legend.  I can hold my nose and tolerate whatever he got up to in private, but I can’t accept the fact that he preaches what he practices.

Those of you who still have faith in Clinton's probity may find the following quotations surprising – but they are all 100% straight from the horse’s mouth:

Pleasure's the motivation for the human race, everything starts and ends with sex and appeal

Or, from the same piece, this mangled attempt to be witty that also takes a sideswipe at religion:

The preacher keeps promising satisfaction, the ladies keep giving up the gratifaction

The man has no shame, on one occasion volunteering details some of his weirder fantasies:

She said she'd, uh, cover me with, uh, strawberries and pretend that I'm a shortcake

And one just has to hope that the recipient of this filthy advance had a strong constitution:

I just want to fffffoooo
All over you

These examples prove that Clinton is nothing other than a seedy individual who takes pleasure in public discussions of his obsession with sex.  

So let’s recap: he’s a drug-taking fornicator, now way past his best, who has had a pernicious influence on American moral standards.  When you weigh up all the facts, it’s impossible to come to any other conclusion.

It really is all George Clinton’s fault.