This morning
I went back to the Doctor! Oops, wrong song, but more on that anon.
I went to my doctor for a follow up visit because, well, how to put this delicately, I have a bad case of athlete's foot.
To get another shrink! Oops, sorry, back to the story...
This has been going on for several months, and of course, being a guy, I, uh, hesitated to have it looked at.
I told him about my weekend! Really now Roger, stick a sock in it. I'm sorry, back to the story..
But finally, last December, I broke down and saw my doctor. He gave me a prescription for a topical cream.
But he never betrays what he thinks! Ok boys, enough's enough. Sorry, back to the story...
Since then I've been diligently applying this goop twice a day.
Can you see the real me? Doctor? Doctor! Obviously, I'm listening to The Who. I'll turn it off....
That's better. Now, where were we? Ah, yes...
Shades of Monty Python here, it turned me into a newt...Well,I got better. However, it's still not completely cured so today my doc gave me a new prescription.
Moving on, there's more below
So I bopped on over the the pharmacy in my doctor's office building, only to discover that my pharmacy benefit expired on January 31st. This threw me for a loop. I wasn't about to shell out $127 for this stuff.
Once I got home, I promptly called my pharmacy benefit provider and confirmed, that, yes indeedy, my coverage had expired on January 31st. Next I called my medical benefits provider who told me to call the pharmacy benefit provider back and talk to a "real person."
I did and pressed "0" to talk to a real, live, operator. And so the wait began.
It was like being stuck in H.G. Wells' Time Machine. Days flashed past, faster and faster, like flickers of a strobe light. Weeks, months, years, decades, centuries zipped by at an ever accelerating rate. Empires came into existance and vanished without a trace. Mountain ranges rose and fell. Continents drifted apart and collided again.
All the while, this syrupy, and somewhat cheesy, but cheery voice interrupted every so often to announce:
"We're truly sorry tnat it's taking so long. The worker bees and XYZ Corporation desperately want to take your call, but, alas! They're all tied up right now and our boy scouts with the merit badges in knot tying have all gone to camp. We have no idea when they will return. So we, the faceless, evil corporate masters who truly do not give a flying fuck at a rolling donut it you die of old age while listening to our abominable hold muzac will return you to the agony of listening to excruciatingly bad pop tunes. Until we break in to repeat this message. Over and over and over again. Mwuhahahahahahaha!!!!!!"
After innumerable, and as it turns out utterly forgetable songs, the faceless, evil corporate masters had the bright idea of inserting Billy Joel singing "Honesty" into the mix.
I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at the absurdity of it. It was like a duet between Billy and the cheesy but cheery automaton telling me to stay on the line. It went someting like this...
Billy: "Hoooooooooonesty!"
Cheery voice: "Hold on I'm coming!"
Billy: "is rarely ever heard."
Cheery voice: "Now people staaaaaay, just a little bit longgggggg-ger...."
Billy: "But mostly what I want from you."
Cheery voice: "Get ready, cuz here I come!"
It was truly bizarre.
What's your experience with "found" irony? Hmmm? Ink-wiring minds want to know!