I have been thinking about this idea quite a bit lately, as I find myself getting older. Who are those voices whose ideas helped to shape my own way of thinking? For some it may be a friend, a family member, a coach, a teacher, and on and on.
There are five people who I would call my "influences", some I have never met, some I never will. But, their influence on me is undeniable.
Ian MacKaye
To many, this name holds no meaning. To me, that 13 year old kid from Jersey, hearing that first Minor Threat record on his brother’s turntable in early 1986, this name means everything.
I was just a kid the first time I heard Ian’s voice roar through those tiny speakers, a kid who was watching his friends drift away, following pursuits that I had no interest in following. So many I knew were already experimenting with drugs, drinking each weekend, long before they were even permitted to drive. The drugs and alcohol were easy to come by back then. And I wanted no part of it.
But, I was young and felt weak. Then I heard Ian singing, reinforcing feelings I held deep inside, giving voice to the anger and frustration that I felt in my core. And while so many of those friends disappeared into the haze of their teenage years, I stayed clean, clear, and was able to get an education, to further expand my mind and my character.
And now, twenty one years later, I can still drop that old Minor Threat album on the turntable and listen and feel the strength of Ian’s ideals, ideals that helped guide me through the difficult waters of being a teenager.
You tell me that I make no difference, at least I am fucking trying! – Ian MacKaye "In My Eyes"
Allen Ginsberg
Choosing Allen as one of my influences seems a bit odd to me, as I only embraced his poetry within the last few years. But, his influence on my own expression through verse is undeniable.
The first time I read "Howl", I was a second year history major at a New Jersey state college, and the words just did not resonate with me. It would be fifteen years before, after hearing a recording of Allen reading them in his own voice that the power of his words would forever change the way I looked at poetry and the written line.
But, Allen was so much more than just a "poet", he was a revolutionary, a vanguard out to open society’s mind, out to expand society’s consciousness. His work was successful in my case.
Allen has been gone for ten years now, but his voice has not been silenced, his influence is still strong in those, like myself, who have embraced his words, his ideas, his power.
America, why are your libraries full of tears? – Allen Ginsberg "America"
Monty Python
I have to go with these blokes as a whole, as no single member of the troupe stands above any other , in my opinion.
I was probably somewhere around eleven years old the first time I saw "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". I didn’t get half the jokes, but loved the sheer absurdity of it all. Within a year, I had watched it probably a hundred times, knowing nearly every line, able to recite along with the film, much to the chagrin of any watching along with me.
This film, and the TV show and the other films, shaped my sense of humor, helped me to embrace the absurd, to laugh at things most would not find funny. For proof of their influence over my personality, just ask any who know me. For example, my old user name – the holy handgrenade...
"Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony" – Dennis, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
My Brother Scott
Scott is five years older than I, and we have had some tough times together, including a period of five years without speaking. But, throughout my life, he was always the one there saying "you gotta hear this song" or "you gotta watch this movie" or "you gotta read this book."
Scott was the person who introduced me to punk music, including bringing home that first Minor Threat record that so shaped my person. He was the one who introduced me to Monty Python, Charles Bukowski, skateboarding and on and on and on.
Growing up, he was my best friend, and at times, my worst enemy. But, through both these roles, he played a large part of making me who I am.
It with Scott that I first picked up my bass guitar and began putting tracks to tape in my first real "band". It was with Scott that I sat in his apartment, listening to the DJ at Drexel University’s radio station introduce the first track from our demo tape, listening as he let the whole first side of the tape run, with a strange feeling of nervous excitement as our music came back at us through the radio.
And now, as he approaches his forties and I progress through my thirties, our friendship has become stronger than ever. We talk nearly every day and now, it seems, the influence runs both ways.
"Jesus, Mary, Joseph, pass the plate, step and steer while I navigate" – Scott, from the song "Henry (Chinaski)" from our first Starch tape "Resin"
My Father, Harry
Most who know me, and also my father, would recognize so many of the traits, both in personality and appearance, that I have inherited from my father, some good, some not so good.
I have the same intensity of action that he has, the same explosive response (temper) that he has, and the same quiet nature that he has (we are both walking dichotomies in that regard).
He taught me so much growing up, how to fish and crab, how to change the starter on a 1973 Oldsmobile (those things weigh a ton, by the way) and what it means to work hard to provide for your family.
Through any faults, both of his and of mine, my father has always been a guiding influence on me, and always will be.
My wife, Patti and my little girls, Maggie and Becca
I met Patti in 1996, at a point of nearly total despair. She saved me from myself then, and many times since. There is not a day that goes by when I don’t appreciate having her in my life. I may not always be able to express it, but it is the truth.
Times are not always perfect (they seldom are when human beings are involved), but she is always there for me, as I try to always be there for her. I am not the person I was in those days of 1996, and for that, I owe her everything.
My little girls, Maggie and Becca, have changed me so very much since their arrival in this world. On any given day, when I am at my most frustrated, they can break that cloud with a simple hug, or a giggle.
They remind me that I have to be the adult that I need to be, that I need to put my own needs behind those of my family. I may not always succeed, but I try. And I will keep trying, for them and for me.
My mom, Diane
I will finish this list with my mother. I could tell some of those stories of growing up and how off the wall it may have all seemed in retrospect. But, I will instead say just this. My mother is a free spirit, she is unconventional, different, sometimes seemingly naïve, sometimes seemingly brilliant, but always herself, regardless of what others might think.
And that is what she taught me, be myself.
So, even with all these "influences", I am, and we all are, deep inside, individuals. Individuals who have taken something from life, from our "influences" and became who we are at our cores.
So, I ask you tonight, who do you count among your "influences"?
Peace,
Darrell
