Book Review: The War I've Always Wanted

I'm not a big fan of a lot of reviewers.  And I've never reviewed a book before so keep that in mind.  That said, I recommend you read The War I Always Wanted by our very own Angry Rakkasan.  On to my "review".  

One reason I don't like most reviewers is they end up talking more about themselves than they do about the book.   That said, let me tell you about myself.

I'm a pacifist.  In 1988, with no wars in sight, I made sure to fill out my Selective Service card and write on it that I was a conscientious objector.  There was no way I was going to sign up to fight in a war.  I don't believe in it.  But I have always been interested in war and how it affects the combatants.  I've read Dispatches, a book of which Hunter S. Thompson (one of my favorites) said this, "Dispatches puts the rest of us in the shade".  I'm fascinated by the fiction of Thom Jones.  His stories of combat in Vietnam and also the lives led by the survivors once they return are some of my favorites..   More recently I've read the excellent "The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell".   All of these give insight to war and what it does to everyone involved.  One of the main reasons I'm against war is because of what it does to the survivors.  Which is why I found the title of the Angry Rakkasan's book so disturbing and intriguing.  What kind of person has always wanted war?

Amazon delivered my copy of The War I Always Wanted last Thursday at noon.  I opened it and proceeded to read it.  I was done by 6 PM.   I believe that is what is known as a "page turner".  This book excels at what war memoirs need to excel at (IMHO).  It puts you in the mountains of Afghanistan when we were bombing the living shit out of that place.  And you get a real taste of Iraq in the early part of the occupation.  However, there is very little actual "combat" in this book.  The author rarely fires his weapon.   Early on there is a very interesting passage that I believe helps explain why we are in these wars and why the author at one time felt he wanted war.  He has just learned he is taking his troops into the mountains of Afghanistan where Americans have been getting killed.

Prior to the last forty eight hours, I had fully expected the enemy to cringe and grovel before us, the vaunted 101st Airborne Division.  It had become such a rarity to see an enemy of the United States stand their ground in a pitched battle.  And now eight special operations troops, including four army Rangers, were dead.  The 101st and 10th Mountain had over fifty wounded.  All of the Apaches were down.   And now it was my turn to take a whack at the situation.

The hero goggles were completely off.

I believe a lot more people have since taken off their hero goggles.  I was reminded of a conversation I had with a Vietnam Vet prior to the Iraq war.  He'd long ago lost his hero goggles.  It was quite clear to him that we would learn to regret trying to occupy cities in another country.  He knew how this would go down.  He was right.  But the belief in an invincible American military seems to have trumped all rational thought and if you listen to the talking heads reporting "progress" these days, it appears this belief is alive and well.  

The Angry Rakkasan continues with what I found to be a real key to this book.  Here is what he said about his book recently:

There was one overarching goal for me in writing the book, however: I wanted to use my own story to tell how many of us in the 101st Airborne felt during the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

His goal was to tell you how they felt.  I believed he accomplished that.  And it makes this book well worth the read.  Especially because he details what he felt when it was time for some combat...fear.

In my head I could see the bullet holes that had peppered the Apaches  -- except now they formed words along the fuselage that said, "Get the fuck out of here".

He doesn't hold back describing how he felt and it makes for a great book because of that.  Soldiers get scared.  You don't hear about that so much.  

The book continues from Afghanistan to Iraq.  Along the way the author (a former Bush voter) comes to some important realizations which I'm sure you can guess based on his current activism.  And then the book continues on to his time after the war.  As I stated earlier I'm fascinated by how combat changes people.  I don't see how you could go from being involved in combat to going back to living among the rest of the happy American consumers.  In Thom Jones' story "Fields of Purple Forever" the narrator is a former Vietnam vet who now spends his time doing long solo swims in shark infested waters as a way to cope.  As he says about his swims

Get the rhythm going.  Establish your stroke.  Even a swim of a hundred miles begin with the first stroke.  Just like fucking.  Precisely like fucking.  Think about the Nam.  Find the cosmic rhythm.  Get a little high.  Ain' this what motivates all human endeavor, the desire to get high?  I find my cosmic rhythm in the Australian crawl.  And I does get high.  After the adrenaline of Vietnam, a six-pack and a night of TV viewing just don' cut it.

The Angry Rakkasan's time after the war is a different version of a story I've read before.  You can't just come home from combat and pick up where you left off even if that is what the Bush adminstration's VA tells you. As he says in his book.

Instead, I am somewhere else. I'm wearing what has now become old-fashioned desert camouflage. I am thousands of miles from home, in a strange, dusty land where the people speak a language I don't understand. And I am carrying a gun.



      I wonder if it will always be this way.  

So, buy and read this book.  As a bonus you also find out what Rakkasan means.