From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Don't post commandments---live them
If we took the Ten Commandments seriously, our way of life would be radically challenged--as it should be. Consider:
Keep the Sabbath holy? In Maine, car dealerships have to fight public opinion to keep the day off. L.L. Bean never sleeps. Sports scheduling in the public schools often precludes attending church schools.
Thou shalt not kill? Would you post that in the Pentagon? What about the embargo that killed 500,000 Iraqi children? Only the Quakers take nonviolence seriously.
Thou shalt not steal? Should the government have posted that at Enron?
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor? What's that again about Saddam Hussein having weapons of mass destruction?
From my perspective, I would not want the Ten Commandments placed in the public domain, posturing as the symbol of an unapplied faith, honored in the breach. I would rather they be proclaimed and nurtured by churches and synagogues who, exercising their religious freedom, take them seriously enough to call us to task.
Rev. Glenn H. Turner
4/1/05 Portland Press Herald
Amen. Cheers and Jeers sins in the Extended Entry section... [Swoosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 6, 2005...
NOTE: No animals were harmed in the production of this column. They were, however, mildly teased and got their belly scratched.
By the Numbers:
Days `til taxes are due: 9
Days `til Passover: 17
Days since Saddam's capture: 448
Number of U.S. teens who start high school but don't graduate: 1-in-3
Rank of the U.S. among 20 developed nations in H.S. graduation rates: 16
(Source: U.S. News and World Report)
Number of "life-like" mannequins of an 8 year-old girl found during a police search of Michael Jackson's house: 1
Number of letters in "Ick": 3
Your Puppy Pic of the Day If the C&J community were of the species canine snarkiliaris. Nice toot, Armando.
CHEERS to getting noticed. Texas Senator John "Cornout" Cornyn (Rabies tag #18743) said this week that judges who don't walk the frothy-right line bring violence upon themselves. C&J wondered yesterday if the mainstream press would notice. The Newspaper of Record certainly did. Mr. Millstone, meet Mr. GOP Neck.
JEERS to Condi the Conwoman. Remember how Ms. Rice and her husb... I mean, her boss, ignored a PDB (Presidential Daily Briefing)---based on good intelligence---titled "Bin Laden determined to strike inside U.S.?" Now she says we mustn't "under-react" to threats from Iran and North Korea based on bad intelligence. You sort it out...my brain hurts.
CHEERS to drawing outside of the lines. Nick Anderson won the Pulitzer Prize for Editorial Cartooning. Click here to see why. Wow---mightier than the sword indeed.
JEERS to the mortality of childhood mentors. We started admiring Peter Jennings in the 70's when he was the London anchor on World News Tonight with Frank Reynolds (we always thought he'd make a great James Bond, too). Now we learn that the suave, unflappable ABC stalwart has lung cancer, and will share his experience with viewers as he battles it. Very classy...and we hope you win.
P.S. We really need a Constitutional amendment to ban activist cancers.
JEERS to drama queens. The press yesterday: "Tears rain down for Pope!" "Human tide pays last respects!" "Sea of faithful views Pope's body!" "Gridlock as Pope draws orgy of human hysteria!" "Writhing masses flail in despair!" "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Popes of our lives!" Tone it down, guys.
CHEERS to morbid curiosity. Where's a Pope to go once he shuffles off his mortal coil? Apparently, inside a box inside a box inside a box inside a large hermetically-sealed mayonnaise jar. I guess when your reign is over, it's, like...over.
CHEERS to new South Park. For taking our mind off of the depressing news of the day. Tonight's episode: "If the boys can lose just one baseball game, it gets them out of playing the boring sport for the entire summer." We suspect they'll win...and somehow manage to destroy the town in the process. Can't wait.
JEERS to borderline hysteria. Eh, I guess it was inevitable---if you're traveling to Canada or Mexico, the Gub'ment says you'll need a passport starting in 2008 (thanks to C&J'er Our Man in Redmond for the link). Because getting into this country on a forged one has never succeeded, right? Uh-oh...that's an eerie silence.
CHEERS to great moments in synthetics. On April 6, 1869, the first form of plastic---celluloid---was patented. 136 years later, the talking heads at Fox News swear by it for their almost-lifelike appearance. Memo to Brit Hume: Order another case---you're sagging again.
JEERS to running out of time. C&J reader `Justme' posted this disturbing item in the comments yesterday. Apparently, we're just two Popes away from Armageddon. I guess that takes care of the Social security debate. Drain that trust fund, baby!
CHEERS to the headline of the day. Tom Delay gets rocked by two more scandals (is this guy a bottomless pit of slime or what?) and John at Americablog sums it up best. Why yes, I believe that feel-good tingle has finally reached my toes.
CHEERS to spongecake with creamy filling. On this date in 1930, James Dewar invented the Hostess Twinkie. I still have one lodged in an artery from my childhood. For emergencies.
JEERS to stealing our line. Real original, Channel 3000, reeeal original. Wait a minute...Channel Three Thousand???
CHEERS to little reminders. 25 years ago today, Post-It Notes were introduced by 3M. The road to market was a textbook case of serendipity. And if I had to predict, I'd guess they'll play a major role in archiving 43's accomplishments at the George W. Bush Presidential Library.
JEERS to cheap knockoffs. Ha Ha, just kidding, Portland, Oregami---Happy 152nd birthday. But let the record show that you guys named your city after ours. Which reminds us...your rent check is due.
CHEERS to Roy Plunkett. 67 years ago he invented Teflon. The presidency hasn't been the same since.
C&J Flashback: April 6, 2004...
JEERS to "Do as I say, not as I screw." Harris survey says Americans get all righteous about safe sex, but then go out and hump anything that moves. Never mind that slight burning, itching, creepy-crawly feeling down there...it's probably nothing.
JEERS to WalMart. Let's take a look at their book section: Sean Hannity...Karen Hughes...Billy Graham...Bill O'Reilly...the Spiritual Diet. Hmm. Either Clarke, Franken, Suskind and Moore are flying off the shelves, or something's fishy in the Land of Everyday Low Prices.
And just one more...
CHEERS to honesty. I got this email in response to C&J's first front-page entry yesterday: "Was it necessary of you to write about relieving yourself in your post? Why was that necessary? What was the point? Did you think it was funny?" Thank you for your candor, dear reader, and we'll discuss this further after I go tinkle. Now take the poll...
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?