Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Things for Which I am Thankful: 2008

Barack Obama will be our 44th president. John McCain will not.
Joe Biden will be our next vice president. Sarah Palin will not.
This will be George W. Bush's last Thanksgiving as president
Dick Cheney will leave Washington 100% disgraced
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Howard Dean's vision
Those Democrats in Congress who fight for us
Purple states
Michelle Obama's class
Olbermann, Maddow, Stewart, Colbert
That my spellchecker this year recognized "Maddow" and didn’t try replacing it with "mad cow" or "mildew."
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Senators-elect Mark Warner, Mark Begich, Jeanne Shaheen, Tom Udall, Kay Hagan, Jeff Merkley, Mark Udall and, hopefully, Al Franken and Jim Martin
Ted Stevens in leg irons
The new Democratic Congressmembers who aren’t blue dogs
The ongoing Republican implosion
That our next president will speak in complete sentences
NASA devices that turn urine into single malt scotch
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That I'm not traveling for Thanksgiving
My partner, Michael, for his patience
All of my bosses here at Daily Kos
The front-pagers and diarists here, for explaining stuff I don't know boo about
The rest of the progressive blogosphere, for having the wisdom to follow all orders sent out via secret code by Kingmaker Markos
Netroots Nation
Righty blogs, an endless source of amusement (bless their hearts)
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Evolution
Universal health care
Electric cars
Bullet trains
Public works projects
Stem cell research
The expectation that habeas corpus will be reinstated
"Yes We Can"
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AIG and Citigroup (Just kidding)
Our soldiers over here and over there
The coming repeal of 'Don’t Ask, Don't Tell'
The possible repeal of Proposition 8
Not hearing "My friends" or "Maverick" anymore.
The wondrous healing powers of Unity 08
That magic moment at 6am when the rum crosses the blood-brain barrier

Have a safe and happy Turkey Day tomorrow. Thanks.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Note: Cheers and Jeers will not appear tomorrow in honor of the federal holiday known as "Family Dysfunction Awareness Day."  An abbreviated, west coast-friendly version will appear Friday afternoon/evening.  Bring leftovers.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til 2009: 35
Days `til the Harbor Lights Festival in Boothbay Harbor: 10
Estimated cost to fix the country's aging water infrastructure: $277 billion
(Source: EPA)
Decline in auto sales during the first 10 months of 2008: 14%
Increase in Maserati sales during the same period: 10%
(Source: Maine Sunday Telegram)
Expected cranberry production in 2008: 689 million pounds
Population of Turkey, Texas: 465

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 158 (including millions of liberals winning political arguments over Thanksgiving dinner).  Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be dining amongst the heathen tomorrow.

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  The first Thanksgiving.  And it's been downhill ever since. (#!@%! lying cats...)

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CHEERS to the First Scandal.  Barack Obama announced more appointments yesterday and took a few questions from reporters.  The overall effect of his "new direction" isn't settling well, says Andy Borowitz (via Digby):

In the first two weeks after the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the last eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama’s appearance on CBS’s "Sixty Minutes" last Sunday witnessed the president-elect’s unorthodox verbal tic, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth.

But Mr. Obama’s decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring.  According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a president who speaks English as if it were his first language.

One thing we know for sure: the first book of "Obamaisms" will be a one-sided pamphlet.

JEERS to double standards.  It didn’t take long for the concern trolls in the traditional media and the halls of Congress to caution Barack Obama on filling his cabinet with too many goddam liberals.  "Moderation!  Moderation!" they yell, fearful that anything other than pure middle-of-the-road appointments will tear the perfectly-balanced fabric of America to shreds.  And the punditocracy is watching Obama's every move like a hawk with high-power binoculars.  But guess what, kids?  They didn't act that way with the previous guy who, let's not forget, lost the popular vote by 500,000 and required the services of the Supreme Court to put their thumbs on the scale to secure his installment:

"President Bush," the Washington Post reported on March 25 [2001], "is quietly building the most conservative administration in modern times, surpassing even Ronald Reagan in the ideological commitment of his appointments, White House officials and prominent conservatives say.  [The appointments have come as a surprise even to conservative leaders, who expected Bush, particularly after the disputed presidential election, to follow a centrist path closer to his father's.]"

It's not that Bush is whispering the names of nominees too softly for the press to hear.  Rather, the reporting itself is, for the most part, quiet.

Our analysis: after eight years of being the Bush administration's slobbery lapdog, the media has learned its lesson and will not let the same thing happen again.  At least not until the next Republican with a rolled-up newspaper moves into the White House.

P.S.  Perhaps Mark Halperin could investigate this miscarriage of journalistic integrity.  He seems uniquely qualified.  

CHEERS to John Paul George Ringo Stevens.  By his record you'd think he was nominated by a bleeding-heart liberal.  But he was appointed to the Supreme Court by a Republican: Gerald Ford.  That was 33 years ago tomorrow.  And to the benefit of the country Stevens still going strong at 88.  Another 55 days is all we need, sir, and you can doff your robe and hit the rave circuit.

JEERS to disappointing moves.  Look, we know Obama doesn’t make decisions without gathering the facts and weighing his options carefully.  So there must be a good reason for him to be keeping Robert Gates on as Secretary of Defense.  Our guess: Mrs. Gates bakes a mean batch of peanut butter cookies.

JEERS to sibling rivalry.  Oh, great, I knew this would happen.  We gave birth to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and now they're playing a game of tit-for-tat---with us in the middle.  We give Iraq a Jonas Brothers lunchbox, so Afghanistan has to get a Jonas Brothers lunchbox.  We give Afghanistan a cookie, so Iraq has to get a cookie.  We agree to give Iraq a timetable for withdrawal, and now Afghanistan wants a timetable for withdrawal.  What really sucks: no grandparents to pass the little brats off to on weekends.

CHEERS to running the show.  No question that in a couple months we're going to see an inaugural celebration for the ages.  Up to 4 million people may attend, and even aliens on other planets will be watching (and, no doubt, jumping up and down shouting "Argnark!  Argnark!").  It's possible there may even be a worldwide brownout because so many people will have their TV sets on at the same time.  And guess who's in charge of putting it all together?  Uh huh, that's right---a Mainer:

Maine native Emmett Beliveau is leading the presidential inauguration committee that's working on the Washington celebration to usher President-elect Barack Obama into office.  Beliveau, 32, recently moved from Chicago, where he served as Obama's director of advance, to Washington, said his father, Augusta lawyer and State House lobbyist Severin Beliveau. ...

The theme of the inauguration is "A New Birth of Freedom," commemorating the 200th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's birth, according to the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies.

Outgoing Maine House Speaker Glenn Cummings, D-Portland, said, "It's terrific Emmett is in such a prominent place and so close to the new president," Cummings said. "He's very young and very talented. He's a trusted member of the Obama team."

Using the Sarah Palin principle of expertise by osmosis, that means I am also in charge of the presidential inauguration, for which I am humbled and deeply proud.  Memo to self: update resume.

OH GOD to the return of the perv.  Let's not forget who Ted Haggard was before he got busted and banished for doing the nasties and getting high with a male prostitute: he was one of the most powerful and influential conservative evangelists in America, who was in on weekly phone calls with the White House.  After only two years in the wilderness, Haggard appears to be wriggling back into the limelight, giving guest sermons and making connections as a Christian insurance salesman.  That seems weird to me.  If everything in life happens according to God's plan, doesn’t insurance simply seek to undo what God just did?  But maybe the insurance is also part of God's plan.  But why would God create insurance to undo his own plan?  My theory is he creates his own tangled bureaucracy to stay in power.  No wonder he and Bush got along so well.

CHEERS to beating the beast.  Great news on the medical front: thanks to advances in both treatment and prevention, the incidence of cancer has dropped in ten out of the top fifteen most common types.  Experts say they expect that number to rise to eleven on January 20th.

JEERS to slim pickins in home vegetation.  We've evaluated the quality of this week's DVD offerings, and our first recommendation is George Carlin: It's Bad for Ya.  Our second recommendation: a good book.

P.S.  Or, if you live in one of the lucky "selected cities" where Milk opens today, you can be among the first to see what seems to be shaping up as the best picture of the year.  (But I'm still gunnin' for Space Chimps at the Oscars.)

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One Year Ago in C&J: November 26, 2007...

YAWN to Bush-style diplomacy.  Ooh!  There's a big Middle East summit today in Annapolis!  The talks will be "productive" and "interesting," the mood will be "hopeful" and "promising," and the participants will speak of each other as "friends," even though some of them want to shove a crowbar up each other's butts.  The event will be so memorable that that a year from now I'll re-read this item and have no recollection of it.  Which reminds me...  Memo to my 2008 self: you smell gas?  [11/26/08 Update:  Yup.  I blame the dog.]

CHEERS to strange bedfellows.  George Bush meets Al Gore at the White House today.  The president will thank the vice president for lifting America's spirits by winning the Nobel Peace Prize.  The vice president will thank the president for absolutely nothing.

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And just one more...

CHEERS to the headline of the year.  It's not "Obama Beats McCain," believe it or not.  No, the headline of the year is this: Ann Coulter's Jaw Wired Shut.  I kinda feel bad about abusing the rules of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  But, damn, they're good.

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Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.  I hope your gathering is less awkward than this.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"Not to spoil anything, but I think in Cheers and Jeers the appropriate words are 'Yippee!'"
---Space station commander Mike Fincke
MSNBC

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