My cousin Joe passed away earlier this week. My sister could not be at the funeral service, but composed the remarks below (edited only to get rid of unnecessary identifying information). As we all struggle to better articulate our core value as Democrats, we might just start with some of the thoughts below.
I won't try to characterize my sister's words, but the following background about Joe will be helpful. Joe had significant cognitive limitations. Even more than that, he had difficulty in learning and/or adhering to the norms of everyday social interaction. Today, someone with his limitations would probably live in an institutional or highly supported setting, but, for good or for ill, Joe was independent his entire life. In addition to cognitive and social limitations, Joe's appearance was also distinct in a way that made him stand out.
MY SISTER'S EULOGY FOR OUR COUSIN JOE
I have a very clear memory of a day, probably sometime in the 1980's, when I was at my parent's home.
I remember walking into our family room, and seeing the backs of the heads of two men sitting side by side on the couch. I knew that one was my father and the other was his cousin, Joe ...... but for a brief moment I could not tell them apart. I also remember being struck by this moment - by the reminder that when it all comes down to it, each one of us is a human being, and that no matter what we achieve, no matter what we accumulate, no matter how we walk, talk or look to the outside world, no man or woman is any better than another.
There was my father, president of a huge corporation, past president of his synagogue, a distinguished looking man who was married & the father of three, a member of numerous corporate boards & organizations, not to mention the most exclusive country club in town ... and I could not distinguish him at that moment from his cousin Joe...I don't need to go into detail about Joe. Anyone who will be attending his funeral will have known him and be able to appreciate the "disparity" between these two men, and the irony of these two men looking exactly the same from where I stood.
And I am further reminded of what my father always said about his cousin Joe - he would always tell us that of all the people he had known in his life, there was no one that he had as much respect & admiration for than Joe. He felt that Joe, more than anyone else he could think of, had made the most of the talents, abilities & opportunities that God had given him. Joe had lived on his own, had a job, paid his own rent, bought & drove his own car, and even managed to get his high school diploma well into his 50's (as I recall). Joe never whined, never complained, never seemed to feel sorry for himself. I have no doubt that Joe was lonely - he was aware enough of those around him to probably know all the things that he did not have - and yet he persevered, showed up at work every day, happily attended those family events to which he was invited, helped make a minyan whenever he was needed, made sure to remind us of what birthdays & anniversaries were just around the corner, and did his best to wake each & every one of us up bright & early on our own birthdays.
The fact that Joe died the same weekend as the Pope brings a smile to my face. I think that in the eyes of God, Joe was as successful and admirable of a man as the Pope, and I can only hope that wherever he is now, he is getting the recognition he deserved for a life well lived, a struggle well fought. And it also brings a smile to my face to imagine the people there to greet Joe - people like my father, my brother, my grandmother, Joe's brothers and his parents, and all the others that I suspect meant so much to him while he was alive.
I remember watching Joe at my father's funeral several years ago, the last time I ever saw him - listening to him sob as he experienced the loss of his cousin. And I hope that Joe is looking down today and knows that we are all feeling the pain of his loss, that he will be missed, and that he will be remembered as a great man.