Mickey Mouse News

INT. NETWORK NEWSROOM - DAY OR NIGHT  DATELINE JANUARY 21st, 2009.

GEORGE is backlit at his news desk, large Mickey Mouse ears prominently affixed to the sides of his head.  As the lights come up, the news theme music informs us that this is a serious production and that important facts are to follow

    GEORGE STEPHANOPHOLOUS:

(In a thin, piercing falsetto voice)  Good Evening America and welcome to MMN, America's source for Mickey Mouse News!  Joining us via satellite linkup this evening is our chief political correspondent Charlie Gibson.

The screen behind George comes alight with the satellite link-up.  Charlie Gibson appears wearing a large green hat and enormous droopy ears.  When he opens his mouth his gigantic buck teeth become visible.

   CHARLIE GIBSON:

(In a deep, back-of-the-throat drawl)  Aw, shucks, George!  Here I am!  On the street! (Braying idiotic laughter)

    GEORGE STEPHANOPHOLOUS:

Charlie, can you tell us what you're seeing down there?  What's the main story of the day?

Behind Charlie Gibson on the satellite linkup stands a gas station.  Three sets of numbers are displayed on the sign in front of the station.  5.15, 5.35, and 6.14.  Gibson reaches out with a gently annoyed look on his face, and braying laughter, pulls the camera lens down away from the sign to bring BARACK OBAMA into frame.

   CHARLIE GIBSON:

Well gawrsh, George!  The big deal here today is that President Obama forgot his flag pin again. (Brays obnoxious laughter).

   GEOERGE STEPHANOPHOLOUS:

(Still in high-pitched shrieking voice)  Charlie this is incredible!  What does the man in the street have to say about this state of affairs??

At this moment, SEAN HANNITY walks into frame from the left, wearing a sailor outfit, with an enormous duck beak across his mouth.

  CHARLIE GIBSON:

(To Sean Hannity) Hyuk!  What dyou think about this, good sir?  No flag pin!  It's a disgrace!

  SEAN HANNITY:

Whable schable, shawealbe wablle!  Wable schwaba cwheba hwahahba!!  Shcleba schabla chabhahcheaba schalba!

HANNITY gesticulates wildly, anger in his eyes.  He is completely unintelligible due to the duck beak across his face, but nonetheless expresses his outrage at OBAMA.

   CHARLIE GIBSON:

(Enormous braying laugh).  Well, shucks, George!  You heard the man!  Some say President Obama is going to have a tough time this year getting the public to like him.  (Another hyena-like laugh erupts from him).  I'd say they're right!  Hyuk!

The satellite screen fades to an image of a pink castle

   GEOERGE STEPHANOPHOLOUS:

(High-pitched voice)  In other news, we now take you to the scene of a wild party at Britney Spears' residence where Paris Hilton has reportedly removed her shirt in public!

The preceding has been a nightmarish premonition of what the world will look like in just a few short months.  I have made no attempt to correctly or consistently spell George Stephanopholous' last name because that would require having an ounce of respect for the man.