Us Hayseeds Don' Know 'Bout No Hard Issues

Here was the headline of Friday's paper in my own small town here in Northern California:

Bomb scare empties Ukiah Wal-Mart

The day before, the top story was about the local salmon season. It's been canceled because of, well, lack of salmon.

But pundits like George Stephanopoulos and David Brooks know better -- we rural, backwater hicks don't want to hear about national security, crime, the economy, or the environment. We're all about the goddamn flag pins and whether people's preachers love America.

Why, just this morning I was sitting on my tractor and I was thinking damn, it sure sucks about bomb threats at Wal-Mart and the fishermen having to sit out the entire salmon season this year, but I sure hope somebody shoves a big 'ol flag in my face to make me feel better about all of it. Sure is lucky we have people like David Brooks to explain these things to us -- people who really understand what America cares about.

And if you don't care about what the pundits care about? Well, it's you that's out of touch.