God Commissions The Book Of Jeffrey.

This may be short because I know there will be seven diaries about this in the next few minutes and I wanted to be the FIRST here on Kos to announce this exciting biblical news:

The story of the 2008 Democratic Primary Struggle will replace the Book of Job as the tale of pointless suffering, woe and faith testing in subsequent additions of the great book!

I mean... what can I say other than... Holy Shit, dudes!

So, I was hanging out in the front yard with the wife and kids, when all off a sudden our palm tree BURSTS into flames, the foam in my latte parts and my gay neighbors Howard and Carl are turned into two huge piles of salt.

Since things like this often JUST HAPPEN in Southern California I really thought nothing of it until I heard the BOOMING VOICE say...

Jeffrey, I need ye to scribe me a book!

(Only it came out book-ook-ook-ook, what with the cool-ass God-echo and all.)

Jeffrey, ye book will tell the tale of Young Barack and Lady Hillary and will forsake Job as the great telling of faith hereforward-ard-ard-ard!

Now I was freaking out, because unlike screenplays and blog entries, books are REAL writing with actual sentences and paragraphs and shit I don't do. Also, I was suddenly beset with hail, locust, darkness and biblical-strength flatulence.

Anyway, I took a deep breath, used a small portion of Howard to season the short ribs I'm going to have for dinner, and I spake back, "But God, Job lost his kids, his wife, his health and all his worldly possessions, surely you don't see what's happened between the two Democrats as that bad, do you?"

It be only April-ril-ril-ril

Still, I didn't understand, what could be the test... the lesson... the great message to humanity that HE OF ALL PERFECTION needed to saddle us with month long arguments about the meaning of a flag pin.

Luckily, since God put those thoughts in my head, he was quick to respond:  

If after all the calling of names and the fire of sniper and the millions of words spoken each day and the sudden decrying of NAFTA and the blog strikes and the turning of a certain once beloved Democratic Presidents into the piles of the canine crap THERE BE ANY DEMOCRATS LEFT TO WALK THE EARTH... that doth a miricle be-e-e-e-e!

And so, dear readers, as I sit here, a floor-length beard having grown in the last few hours, a lamb and a lion at my feet, please know that I have it under very good authority that MUCH WORSE will come before an actual Democratic nominee is chosen.

Now, I can't tell you what that worse will be, but I will just say this: God did seem to suggest he was testing a pestilence of rabid Shetland ponies.