McCain Through the Looking Glass

In a speech today, John McCain will declare his new plan for Iraq.  Except it's not a plan.  It's new ideas.  Well, maybe not so much new ideas.  It's a vision, a vision of Iraq 2013.  The dreamy future you can only secure by voting for J. Sidney McCain III.  

By January 2013, America has welcomed home most of the servicemen and women who have sacrificed terribly so that America might be secure in her freedom. The Iraq War has been won. Iraq is a functioning democracy, although still suffering from the lingering effects of decades of tyranny and centuries of sectarian tension. Violence still occurs, but it is spasmodic and much reduced.

Okay, so most US troops are home and violence is better than it is today.  In other words, the Iraq war has been "won," but only for certain, extremely odd, definitions of won.  Not quite the kind of accomplishment most of us might want out of the next four years.  But wait, there's more.

Civil war has been prevented; militias disbanded; the Iraqi Security Force is professional and competent; al Qaeda in Iraq has been defeated; and the Government of Iraq is capable of imposing its authority in every province of Iraq and defending the integrity of its borders.

Huh.  Kind of makes you wonder who will still be causing the violence, when all the bad guys are gone.  Oh, and why there's still a US military force in place if the Iraqi military and government are so competent.   Of course, keeping plenty of troops in Iraq means no one can say this isn't keeping with McCain's dreamy vision for 2108 -- that we'll still be fighting in Iraq.

What else has John McCain seen in his crystal ball?  

"The threat from a resurgent Taliban in Afghanistan has been greatly reduced but not eliminated.  U.S. and NATO forces remain there to help finish the job, and continue operations against the remnants of al Qaeda.

So in his dreams for the future, al Qaeda is still around, the US is still fighting in both Iraq and Afghanistan, and we're still wrestling with the Taliban.  All this will happen if we just stay the course with McCain.  Gee, throw in a set of rusty steak knives and a dose of bubonic plague and we're sold.

Way to dream big medium.  

There is one more vision shining from McCain's magic mirror.

The increase in actionable intelligence that the counterinsurgency produced led to the capture or death of Osama bin Laden, and his chief lieutenants.

That's going to happen because?  Because in looking glass world, Pakistan suddenly puts our interests ahead of their own and produces him for us while we continue to devote our attention to Iraq.  

That could happen.  After all, it's only a dream.