Where Have All the Good Trolls Gone?

In days long gone being a troll really meant something. It was more than a passing drive by, more than a hobby; it was a wicked craft practiced by evil SOB's who worked really hard, day in and day out, to be the best goshdarned horrifically annoying, disruptive troll they possibly could be. So great was their skill and dedication, they would sooner or later unite the entire community into plotting their comeuppance in a glorious pile-on flame war.

These were magnificent examples of sociopathic bastards. Some would go straight for the one line, originally written, ego-deflating kill shot, others would bide their time, pose as legit message board participants and get inside your head like an online version of Hannibal Lector. They had wit, they had style; at times they had a certain Ted Bundy kinda charm. Most featured colorful screen names, TrollingWiz, LiberalismInDecay, RuthlessBushDog, along with sock puppets galore all acting as pseudonymous cyber-chariots skimming through their dark Id, dredging up and refining their dysfunctional, multiple personality traits like rare, flawed, mental jewels from the bottom of a personal intellectual cesspool and delivering them on target with serial killer consistency. This is just not going to cut it:

McCain Campaign: Comment Trolls wanted -- Because not only does the campaign tell you on which blogs to comment ... it will even tell you what to say! Just click on the Blog Interaction page for "Today's Talking Points."

Let's school the McCain campaign on the service a world class troll, the kind we expect here on a world class blog, provides to mankind: it poses as a hot, single babe, identifies a lonely and beloved community regular -- call him LonelyJoe --- and IM's him for weeks if necessary, until it gains Joe's intimate trust, and then publishes the IM text where Joe confesses his innermost embarrassing fantasies in frantically typed, cropped sentences with one hand in the midst of what he thinks is sizzling, mutual cyber sex. Or it learns the reason Joe is lonely is because his wife recently died a horrible, lingering death, creates a sadistic screen name like JoesRottingDeadWife and stalks LonelyJoe around various forums, until Joe goes batshit insane with rage. Cruelty, scheming, tantrums, attention seeking: That's what trolling is all about folks.

I'm not sure what it says about the character of the McCain campaign that someone within thought it was a cute idea to encourage their readers to emulate this behavior. But which is lamer: that McCain's campaign is rewarding that kind of activity with a 'point' system, or that they're offering this incredibly milquetoast, canned talking-point approach that wouldn't even warrant a warning from the 'tweeners' section of Myspace?

One would hope a premier blog like Daily Kos would attract whatever residual quality is left in the wingnut trolling community. Sadly, no. Even our right-wing hate mail seems uninspired as of late. Fact is, I don't think McCain's head troll developer truly comprehends the brutal nature and history of his or her trade. Alas, talk about jumping the shark, no self respecting troll I've ever met, and I've met a bunch, would be caught dead taking part in this weak-kneed crap.