I'm a Hillary Supporter...And I'm Eating Crow

I'm a Clinton supporter. I'll just get this much out of the way.

Not only does Clinton's performance last night put her in a conundrum, it puts me in one as well. I have ardently supported Clinton over Obama in this process. At first, it wasn't personal. At first, it was due to his relative inexperience. At first, it was due to concerns about his electability. At first, it was because I feared the dreaded "October Surprise," when the Republicans discover some massive scandal just 2-3 wks before the election. At first, it was simply because I believed, and still do, that Clinton is more likely to accomplish the things she sets out to do than Obama. I just BELIEVE Hillary more when she talks about geting unniversal healthcare. I believe her because she's made it the fight of her life. For all of these reasons, Hillary seemed the most logical choice. She is as qualified as anyone we've ever had run for president. She is less susceptible to "October Surprises," as she said in her own words: "I've got baggage, and the Republicans have rummaged through it for 16 years." It was for all of these reasons that I supported Hillary.

As the race progressed, my support for Clinton became more personal. It started in January, when Obama, in an interview, seemed to be slamming President Clinton in the same sentence in which he was praising President Reagan. I viewed that as disloyalty to a popular Democratic President that did wonderful things for this country. Let the Republicans knock the Clinton Administration, not the potential Democratic nominee.

And then it happened again, after Obama's win in South Carolina in late January. For all that has been made about "race" in this nomination process, for me, it was the Obama camp that started it. President CLinton made the innocent statement that Jesse Jackson had won the SC primary twice, and still never went on to be the nominee. The Obama camp, AND the media, screamed "racist," and thus, the tone for the race was set. To me, Bill Clinton, a man that has made civil rights a central aspect of his very being, was being labeled as a racist, and it was WORKING. To me, he was merely explaining that a victory in SC doesn't necessarily mean you've won the nomination.

And then came Geraldine Ferraro. She made a comment, a comment most anyone would recognize to be true, that Barack Obama was doing as well as he was because he's black. Do I believe that statement? Yes. Am I a racist? No. And neither is Geraldine Ferraro. The race for the Democratic nomination had become so racially sensitized that Geraldine Ferraro, a liberal from NY, an advocate of civil rights, and a former Democratic Vice Presidential nominee, was all of a sudden, a racist. It was absolutely mind-boggling to me.

And then, the candidate wars began. To me, liberal blogs that use to feel like home (dailykos.com) became sounding boards for the Obama campaign. I don't even think dailykos any longer denies this. So of course, it became difficult for a Clinton supporter to see so many people that use to revere the Clinton's, suddenly, hating them. Now 'hate' is a strong word, but I really didn't know how else to characterize the sentiment of so many of Obama's supporters. They hated me and my candidate, so I was going to hate them and their candidate. But the truth was, I never really hated Obama the man, I was just bothered by his supporters. I even openly flirted with the notion of voting for McCain (definite sour grapes). I felt so....left out....hmph.

Vocalizing my sentiments on this race is going to help me get beyond the division. I cannot, in good conscience, vote for John McCain. Universal healthcare is too important to me. It's too important to my mother. It's too important for America. I really feel like Hillary could, and would, get it done. But McCain doesn't support it. In fact, he supports making health insurance more difficult to obtain. Like every problem facing the country, the Republicans answer is to let the "invisible hand" of the market work its magic. Well that 'magic' spells disaster for too many people. At least Obama, whether he gets it done or not, is telling me he's going to fight for it. He may be 'blowing smoke' up my ass, but at least he's doing that. McCain is not even blowing any smoke. He's telling me, and my family, NO to affordable health care. A vote for McCain would be disloyal to my family, and it would be disloyal to millions of sick Americans.

Do I wish the nomination battle had played out the way I wanted? Yes. Do I wish Hillary CLinton would be our nominee? Yes. Do I think she is more likely to defeat John McCain in November than Barack Obama? Yes. Do I think there has been a concerted media effort to knock her from her 'pedastal?' Yes.

Am I any longer considering voting for McCain? No. Will I be voting for Barack Obama in November should he be the nominee? Yes. So there! I've talked a lot of smack to my friends and random invisible people on the internet. But because I've decided I'm a 'party man,' today is the day I eat some crow. As much as he's upset me, as angry as his supporters have made me, I now know that I do not want to be one of the 50% of Clinton supporters that votes for McCain or stays home (as exit polls from NC and Indiana revealed). Clinton herself recently said: "If Senator Obama is the nominee, you better believe I’ll work my heart out for him," Clinton said. Her supporters should do the same. If her supporters truly believe in her cause, they'd be doing a disservice to HER by voting for McCain.

The nomination battle will not end today. Clinton will not step aside, nor do I feel she should yet. But I can finally say that when she does step aside, or when Obama clinches the nomination, I will have already made my peace. I can now sleep well at night knowing that the winner of this nomination process is truly irrelevant. I'll be voting for the Democrat either way.