-
-
-
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Mmm...PoPos!! Little Political Poppers for your brain. Bet ya can't eat just one...
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
--Sir Winston Churchill
"Greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but the greatness comes when you are really tested, and you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes, because only if you have been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain."
--President Richard M. Nixon (Farewell Speech to White House Staff, 1974)
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States."
--Spike Milligan
"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness."
--John Kenneth Galbraith
"Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swoosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]"
--Bill in Portland Maine
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, November 16, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days `til Thanksgiving: 9
Days `til Christmas: 39
Number of National Guard and Reserve personnel now mobilized: 180,184
Average number of days they're deployed: 342
(Source: Dept. of Defense via Time magazine)
The last time Canada ran a deficit: 1997
New Bush initiatives to prevent further genocide in the Sudan: 0
CHEERS to the Greens. Thanks to grassroots funding ($150,000 in just 4 days, bless ya), they've secured a recount in the winner-take-all state of Ohio. Will Kerry rise like a phoenix from the ashes...or go down like a doomed Thanksgiving turkey?
JEERS to cleaning house. George W. Bush orders a purge of liberals and other non-ass-kissers at the CIA: http://www.newsday.com/news/nationworld/nation/ny-uscia1114,0,707331.story?coll=ny-top-headlines. And have you noticed the new vending machine selection? Red Twizzlers, red Jelly Bellies, red gummi fish, red Lifesavers, red Skittles... Gonna be a long four years.
CHEERS to falling dominos, Part I. The Bush cabinet resignations continue---now Powell's out. C&J wonders if he's heard about the new Pottery Barn rule: "If you stand by while your boss breaks the country, stay out of our $#&! store."
CHEERS to falling dominos, Part II. Education Secretary Rod Paige is out, too. He's the guy who referred to the National Education Association as a "terrorist organization" (http://www.cnn.com/2004/EDUCATION/02/23/paige.terrorist.nea/). And the red-staters say we talk down to them?
JEERS to the war on terror. So Bush says we need to combat terrorists "over there" so we won't have to deal with them "over here?" Now might be a good time for him to start reading the papers: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2004-11-14-domestic-terrorism_x.htm. Hmm...I wonder what religious affiliation those domestic wackos are (Hint: it ain't Islam).
CHEERS to jaws on floors. The first 8 minutes of `Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith' have been seen...and apparently must be seen to be believed: http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=18805. Let the lines begin...
CHEERS to great discoveries. American researcher Robert Sarmast says he used sonar to find the Lost City of Atlantis 50 miles southeast of Cyprus. And we know just the guy to go down and check it out: http://topkool.free.fr/images_seriestv/hommedelatlantide01.jpg.
JEERS to mean old men. The Pope snarls a warning to Protestant church leaders: God Hates Fags and so should you (http://www.365gay.com/newscon04/11/111404PopeGay.htm). Enter C&J Rule #1: Don't waste brain cells on a pithy punchline when a simple "Fuck You, Asshole" will do.
CHEERS to false alarms. Dick "Dick" Cheney was sent to the hospital over the weekend. But doctors say he'll be fine---they just needed to recharge the Freon around his heart.
JEERS to the ravings of a lunatic mind. First John Ashcroft says he's made America safe and secure. Now he says federal judges are a threat to America's safety and security: http://www.nylawyer.com/news/04/11/111504f.html. So we have met the enemy...and it's our judicial system?
CHEERS to U-Turns. Thomas Frank's groundbreaking book `What's the Matter With Kansas' storms back onto the NYT best-seller list, checking in this week at #7. Must be the newly-added "Save $25 at Topeka Club Med" certificate inside.
CHEERS to The Verdict. Scott "Dick" Peterson is guilty of murdering his wife and child in order to reclaim his hedonistic bachelorhood. There's only one punishment severe enough for this creep: Marriage.
JEERS to C&J's 9 O'clock bowl of chocolate ice cream. University of Pennsylvania researchers say snacking after dark makes you fat and moody: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2004-11-14-snacking_x.htm. If I could rise from this steel-reinforced chair, I'd get on the phone and give them a $#!% earful.
CHEERS to Mary Had A Little Lamb. It's just one of the kewl tunes you can play on a touch-tone phone, which was invented on this date in 1963. If you care, press 1 now. If you don't care, press 2. Or please stay on the line and someone will be with you shortly to sell you something you don't need.
CHEERS to the 46th state. Oklahoma officially got its star on the American flag 97 years ago today. The name, by the way, is a combination of two Choctaw words meaning "red people." You don't say.
Cheers and Jeers Flashback: March 16, 2004...
JEERS to government incompetence. The General Accounting Office says our brave, freedom-preserving soldiers are getting shit on, often going months without pay and enduring other compensation SNAFUs. The National Guard is getting screwed the worst. But more importantly, the general needs a caddie on Saturday. You available, Corporal?
JEERS to idiot copy editors. L.A. Times music critic pens review of a Strauss opera, calling it "pro-life"---as in "life-affirming." Idiot L.A. Times editor, blindly following paper policy not to use "pro-life" (it might offend readers' delicate sensibilities), changes the phrase to "anti-abortion." Punishment for idiot editor: season tickets to the opera.
And just one more...
JEERS to what we done got ourselves into. Luckovich on Fallujah: http://www.creators.com/editorial_show.cfm?comicname=lk. Paging Carl the Greenskeeper...we need your hose.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-