Cheers and Jeers: Monday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Got Muck? Part II

More of my interview with Joseph Cummins, author of the fun, trivia-filled book, Anything for a Vote: Dirty Tricks, Cheap Shots, and October Surprises in U.S. Presidential Campaigns (part I from Friday is here):

C&J: What has struck you as the most absurd thing about the 2008 presidential election season so far?
Joseph Cummins: The way politicians both in the primaries and now in the national campaign have been quick to make "going negative" one of their main attacks. As if "going negative" were not what presidential campaigns were all about, way back to the days when Davy Crockett called Martin Van Buren a transvestite and Abraham Lincoln was accused of having smelly feet.

Do dirty tricks really help candidates win campaigns?
I absolutely think they do. No matter how many times people may tell pollsters they hate dirty politics or "negative" advertising, there’s something in dirt that attracts us all. As far back as 1840, the prominent Whig politician Thomas Elder summed it up rather brilliantly in one sentence: "Passion and prejudice properly aroused and directed...do about as well as principle and reason in a party contest."

Look how well Lyndon Johnson’s smears on Barry Goldwater worked. He even had him portrayed in the robes of a Ku Klux Klan member in a children’s coloring book. See how Herbert Hoover was able to paint Al Smith in 1928 as a Papist who would change the way good Protestants worshipped in this country.

All very nasty---all very effective. You don’t believe people will swallow these types of things until you see it in action. Last spring, I was waiting for my daughter at her gymnastics class and overheard two women reassuring each other that if Barack Obama were---by some wild stretch of the imagination---elected president, he would be unable to serve because he could not take the Oath of Office. Why? Because he was a Muslim who would need to be sworn in on a Koran, and the Constitution calls for a Bible. Wrong, wrong, wrong---yet, of course, people believe this stuff.

And these are just the slanderous variety of dirty tricks. The election of 1876 was simply stolen in the South by Republicans altering electoral vote returns. And of course no one can say that in either 1960 or 2000 every vote was counted properly.

Do political blogs like Daily Kos have forerunners in history?
Yeah, in a sense they do, in the 19th century. When people wanted to support their candidates---or, in a day when candidates did not campaign openly, when candidates themselves wanted to create support---they started broadsheets and newspapers more than willing to launch scurrilous attacks---not that Daily Kos is scurrilous, of course)---against their opponents. Early examples being the Republican paper The National Gazette and the Republican rag Gazette of the United States. Lively exchanges of letters were printed in such papers, many of them leading to duels. If you didn’t want to start your own newspaper or write letters, you could pretty cheaply have a pamphlet printed up with a title about a paragraph long. One example being Davy Crockett’s insanely spurious The Life of Martin Van Buren, Heir-Apparent to the 'Government,' and the Appointed Successor of General Andrew Jackson. Containing Every Authentic Particular by Which His Extraordinary Character Has Been Formed. With a Concise History of the Events That Have Occasioned His Unparalleled Elevation; Together with a Review of His Policy as a Statesman, which was probably penned at a local tavern by an ancestor of the same guy who these days might be tapping away on his laptop at Starbucks.

What are some of the politically-oriented blogs you visit on a regular basis?
I like Daily Kos, of course, as well as Politico, Political Wire and The Huffington Post. This is not a blog, but David Leip’s Atlas of U.S. Presidents has a lot of interesting stats on presidential elections in history.

No waffling here: dogs or cats?
I like a good waffle as much as any presidential politician, but here I don’t have to equivocate: cats all the way. I currently have Mimi, a one year-old orange, white and black calico, who purrs and bites at the same time. Like Laura Bush, or so I’m told.

Joe's blog is here. We thank him for adding some humor and historical perspective as the '08 campaign prepares to rev into high-smear gear. Oh, happy happy joy joy.

Welcome to Monday, my precious zombies. Cheers and Jeers feeds on Republican flesh (warning: it's gamy) in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 18, 2008

Note: Sometimes I like to go out and sit quietly in the wild grass, hoping that maybe a friendly doe will come up and eat the grain from my outstretched hand.  Unfortunately they never seem to make it across the highway.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Democratic National Convention: 7
Days `til Windjammer Weekend in Camden: 11
Increase last year in the number of people receiving assistance from U.S. food banks: 20%
(Source: Harper's Index)
Portion of Americans who say they're working harder than ever just to get by: 9-in-10
(Source: TIME via The Week)
The last year in which inflation rose faster than this one: 1991
Number of presidents who joined the Confederacy: 1 (John Tyler)
Number of weeks my partner, Michael, has been smoke-free as of today: 9
(Source: BiPM Pride Institute)

U.S. Olympic gold medal count: 19

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Monday Brain Droppings by George Carlin:

People Who Should Be Phased Out:

Guys who always harmonize the last few notes of "Happy Birthday."

People who say "Knock knock," when entering a room and, "Beep beep," when someone is in their path.

Guys who wink when they're kidding.

People who give their genitals a name.

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Puppy Pic of the Day (this one's become an August tradition):  Canine Marine: "This is my ball.  There are many like it, but this one is mine.  My ball is my best friend.  It is my life.  I must master it as I must master my life.  My ball, without me, is useless.  Without my ball, I am useless.  I must fetch my ball true.  I must run faster than the dog next door who is trying to fetch my ball before me.  I must beat him before he beats me.  I WILL."

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CHEERS and JEERS to doing the Lord's PR.  C&J still wonders why it always seems to require a backdrop of conservative Christianity to have a debate about morals and ethics in America that both presidential candidates will attend.  Everything that came up in Saturday's Rick Warren panderfest at his Saddleback mega-church and sushi bar could've been hashed out in a non-religious or multi-faith forum.  Oh well, at least they didn’t call for any stonings.  If you missed it, here's the Clifs Notes version: John McCain = Old Testament.  Barack Obama = New Testament.  Me = High Times.  Can I get an Amen?

[SIGH] to wishful thinking.  The New York Times this morning:

Under pressure over impending impeachment charges, President Bush announced he would resign Monday... Speaking on television from his presidential office here at 1 p.m., Mr. Bush, dressed in a gray suit and tie, said that after consulting with his aides, "I have decided to resign today."  He said he was putting national interest above "personal bravado."

"Whether I win or lose the impeachment, the nation will lose," he said, adding that he was not prepared to put the office of the presidency through the impeachment process.

Sadly, it's not really Bush who's cutting and running...it's Pakistan's Pervez Musharraf.  It's so easy to confuse dictators these days.

JEERS to guys who need to step back from their laptops.  As he did four years ago, a right-wing author is smearing a presidential candidate by making outrageous assertions with questionable sources.  It's just the kind of sleaze we don’t need in this presidential election and...  What's that?  Jerome Corsi is accusing John McCain of being backed by al Qaeda supporters?  Oh.  I see.  Well, then---[Ahem]---carry on.

CHEERS to the Lady from Plains.  Happy birthday to former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, who gets an 81 percent discount at Denny's today.  I hear she plans to celebrate by stealing a Harley and going on a bank-robbing spree.  Who says life ends at 80?

CHEERS to the Dean of the Washington Press Corp (Hint: it ain't David Broder).  If you're near The HBO tonight, be sure to catch the premier of Rory Kennedy's new documentary, Thank You, Mr. President, highlighting the life and times of Helen Thomas.  It airs at 9 ET.  Her guiding philosophy should be plastered above every newsroom door in America: "You might incur the wrath of some of the powers that be, but so what?"  On second thought, plaster it above Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid's doors first.

JEERS to the eye of the beast.  Key West, C&J's strategic winter headquarters, is bracing for a collision with tropical storm Fay.  Windows are being boarded up, tourists are being shooed  away and residents are checking on elderly neighbors.  But most important, Kossack Vicki, the island's most valuable liquor distributor, has been gently wrapped in blankets and tucked away in a hurricane-proof vault with the entire Bacardi stock.  You guys remembered to drill a few air holes this time, I hope.

CHEERS to Grrrl Power.  Eighty eight years ago, on August 18, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution---which gave women the right to vote---was ratified.  That's right---it took you menfolk a mere 134 years to get your asses off the couch and make it a reality.  Now if you'll just take out the garbage and fix the kitchen sink, you might get some nookie.

JEERS to covering up the old man's messes.  Frank Rich's latest New York Times column might be a good one to email to the Republicans on your "To Educate" list.  It shines summer sunlight on some of the most egregious gaffes and the rightward shift of the Republican nominee for president.  (So much for the rule that candidates are supposed to run to the center after the primaries.)  Rich presents a feast of damning evidence, but the money quote comes courtesy of one of those meddlesome liberal hippie bloggers:

At Talking Points Memo, the essential blog vigilantly pursuing the McCain revelations often ignored elsewhere, Josh Marshall accurately observes that the Republican candidate is "graded on a curve."

Most Americans still don’t know, as Marshall writes, that on the campaign trail "McCain frequently forgets key elements of policies, gets countries’ names wrong, forgets things he’s said only hours or days before and is frequently just confused."  Most Americans still don’t know it is precisely for this reason that the McCain campaign has now shut down the press’s previously unfettered access to the candidate on the Straight Talk Express.

And yet those spurned reporters continue to look the other way, like spectators who pretend to ignore the crazy person at the mall who drops his drawers in the middle of the food court.  And since you brought it up, my arraignment for lewd conduct is Thursday, thank you very much.

CHEERS to the law unintended consequences.  Americans have become increasingly distracted while they're in their cars---eating, phoning, texting, putting on makeup (even some women are doing it nowadays), watching DVDs, holding Tupperware parties, performing routine outpatient surgery, taking violin lessons, paying bills, etc.  And yet traffic deaths are the lowest they've been since 1994.  Credit where credit's due: the mandatory automobile helmet law is a winner.

JEERS to Michael Phelps.  He may have a won a record-setting 8 gold medals for swimming, but we would point out that he failed to win any---any---medals for marathon-running, handball, wrestling, weightlifting, skeet shooting, badminton, volleyball, equestrian, fencing, judo or archery.  Further, there are still kittens in trees around the world that he hasn't saved and Lex Luthor just escaped on his watch.  Ship of dreams...meet the rocks of disappointment.

P.S. A couple Maine rowers won gold medals, rescued all the kittens and hog-tied Lex before he could destroy the world.  Or as we call it up here: just another Monday.

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One Year Ago in C&J: August 18, 2007:

JEERS to lying sacks of you-know-what.  Remember when Rudy Giuliani said he was working at Ground Zero "as often, if not more, than most of the workers" digging through the rubble of the World Trade Center?  The New York Times did some digging of their own and found that, between September 17 and December 16, 2001, he spent less than two-and-a-half hours per week there.  They've obviously forgotten how the Herculean mayor used his massive bucket-scoop hands to clear ten times the debris as the other workers while flexing his tree-trunk thighs to lift two-ton sections of the fallen structures and snuffing out lingering fires with his amazing Arctic ice breath.  But nice try, liberal media!

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And just one more...

CHEERS to being "ugly honest."  A bonus question for author Jim Cummins:

Who do you think ran the best presidential campaign ever---not just in terms of electoral victory, but also in terms of honesty and fairness?
I’m not sure that the word "best" used to describe a presidential campaign equates with the words "honesty and fairness." The best presidential campaign is the one that wins.

In terms of honorable and strategically sound, I like Democrat Grover Cleveland in 1884.  Here was a politician who had a reputation for being so upstanding that he was known as "Grover the Good" and so honest he was called, in the telling slang of a very corrupt era, "ugly-honest."  It turns out that some years before, when he was bachelor Mayor of Buffalo, Cleveland had had an "illicit" affair with a 36-year-old widow named Maria Halpin who had then given birth to a boy whom Cleveland had since gallantly supported (although he privately acknowledged doubts as to the child’s real paternity).

The Republicans went wild over this, but Cleveland kept his cool.  He instructed his people: "Above all, tell the truth."  He acknowledged he was supporting the child and refused to say anything else about the issue.  He won a narrow victory over James G. Blaine, a victory that wouldn't have been possible, I believe, had he prevaricated or acted like he needed to apologize for anything.

Honesty and privacy.  How quaint.

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Oh, and happy 71st birthday to that lovable liberal, Robert Redford.  I'd vote for him in a heartbeat.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"It just looks like Bill in Portland Maine with some fake guts thrown on top for effect."
---Professor Jeffrey Meldrum
Bigfoot researcher

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