Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

A Word Here, A Word There

The proud legacy of Fox News is one of doctored photos, Democrats quoted out of context, hard-right spin, bully reporting, misleading graphics, smear campaigns coordinated with the White House, and "facts" pulled out of their butts.

Now they've apparently adopted a new tactic. If someone uses words that don’t fit their pre-conceived narrative, just change the words:

Fox News' Megyn Kelly noted that during her DNC speech Michelle Obama said, "The world as it is just won't do," and then Kelly continued: "If you replace 'world' with 'country', you are back to the same debate, arguably, that you have been having about Michelle Obama's feelings about the country."

Think of it---you can replace words with other words to change the meaning of a sentence. Sounds like fun! Let me try:

"Democracy is worth dying for, because it's the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man Satan."
–-Ronald Reagan
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"Do not yield. Do not flinch. Stand up. Stand up with our President in stilettos and fight."
--John McCain
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"Our economy is on the move and we are creating thousands of new jobs, but we need to keep our foot on the gas pedal poor people!"
--Mitt Romney
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"America needs to be defended. We need missile defense to better police the skies Martians over the United States."
--Rudy Giuliani
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"Tonight on Hannity Babykiller and Colmes..."
--Alan Colmes
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"And that's tonight's Talking Points You Would Basically Be in the Shower and Then I Would come in and I'd Join You and You Would Have Your Back to Me and I Would Take That Little Loofah Thing and Kinda Soap Up Your Back, Rub It All Over You, Get You to Relax, Hot Water, and Um, Get Your Nipples Really Hard 'Cuz I Like That and You Have Really Spectacular Boobs, and Then I Would Take the Other Hand with the Falafel Thing Memo..."
--Bill O'Reilly

What fun! Thanks, Fox, for teaching us a new way to report the news: Mad Lib journalism.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 28, 2008

Note: Just a heads-up:  There will be no C&J next Monday or Tuesday, so you'll have to cobble your own out of Spam, cat hair and tinfoil.  Please submit complaints to the proper authorities.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Bush and Cheney leave office: 144
Days `til the International Seaplane Fly-in in Greenville: 7
Number of miles Katie Spotz swam in the Allegheny River to raise money for the Blue Planet Run Foundation: 325
Months it took her to do it: 1
(Source: USA Today)
Number of passengers and vehicles, respectively, the Casco Bay Line Ferries carry every year to six Islands off the coast of Portland, Maine: 977,000/25,000
(Source: Portland Press Herald)
Number of major U.S. cities that had legalized private use of small amounts of marijuana before Denver did in 2005: 0
Number of delegates at the 1908 Democratic convention in Denver who were women: 5
(Source: CBS News)

Number of African-Americans officially nominated for President of the United States: One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

The Republican party expects to find at least 100 supporters who will give $250,000 a year over four years in soft money.  Just what we need: a club of $1 million donors.  In one of the funniest statements in years, Julie Finley, chair of the Republican Team 100 program (these are the pikers who give  only $100,000), explained to The New York Times what the $1 million donors will get for their money: "What they get is they are left alone.  They don’t get calls to but a table at the gala.  They don’t get calls to give to the media program.  They have a pass that lasts all year."

And, by George, if that's not worth a million bucks, what is?

Oh, they also get the privilege of meeting with the people who write the laws for all of us.

---October, 1999

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Puppy Pic of the Day: "Candygram..."

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It's all convention today:

JEERS to lying liars!  I can't believe it!  I tuned in yesterday afternoon with a Mega-Gulp and a tub of popcorn to witness the historic split in the Democratic party!  MSNBC...CNN...CBS...ABC: You promised it would happen!  Fox...New York Times...Washington Post...NBC: You promised the shit would hit the fan!  Politico...Newsweek...Time: You promised there would be fire hoses and dogs and SWAT teams lobbing teargas in the streets!  Sean Hannity...Bill O'Reilly...Bill Kristol...Charles Krauthammer: You promised me a meltdown!  You all promiiiiiiised!!!!  And what happened?  Kum...By...Frickin'...Yah, that's what.  I'm starting to think these people aren’t serious.

CHEERS to restoring Hillary's halo.  After watching her graceful and unequivocal concession on the floor yesterday, which wrapped up a pitch-perfect performance at this convention, I'm willing to turn the clock back to August of last year, when Hillary Clinton impressed the hell out of me at Yearly Kos in Chicago.  The ending to this story could have turned out much uglier.  Now somebody toss her the health care issue and let her run with it.  She'd nail it.

CHEERS to The Natural.  Bill Clinton's message to Democrats last night: "Barack Obama is ready to be president of the United States."  Bill Clinton's message to Republicans last night: "They want us to reward them for the failures of the last four years with four more years.  No thank you.  The third time is not the charm."  Josh Marshall's verdict at TPM:

Very solid speech.  Classic Bill.  Sort of reminds me of the weird anguish of last spring, thinking we'd never see this guy again.  He did what he needed to do.  And he got things moving in a direction the convention needs to go.  Also good that he said one thing---John McCain's an "extremist." We need to hear that again and again, because it has the virtue of being true.

Every Obama surrogate---and, hell, that includes us---should memorize the talking points in his speech and use them mercilessly against John McCain.  It was a great lesson in Framing 101 and we ignore it at our peril.  See ya on the campaign trail, Bubba?

CHEERS to basking in Biden.  In the pantheon of modern-day running mates, he's no Mondale.  He's no Ferraro.  He's no Lieberman (well, that's a given).  He's no Edwards.  Yeah, even no Muskie from Maine.   He's...HehHehHeh...I think he's better.

"Again and again, on the most important national security issues of our time, John McCain was wrong, and Barack Obama was proven right.
Folks, remember when the world used to trust us? When they looked to us for leadership? With Barack Obama as our president, they'll look to us again, they'll trust us again, and we'll be able to lead again."

Welcome to the team, kid.

P.S.  Mama Biden...you got that look of mischief in your eye.  You and me gotta go out and take some baseball bats to some mailboxes one 'o these nights.

CHEERS to a day for the history books.  Only two speakers are on tonight's line-up in Denver: Colorado Governor Bill Ritter, Jr. will yammer on for three hours, and then some skinny black kid will get three minutes to wrap things up for the night:

On Thursday night, the DNCC will throw open the doors of the Convention and move to Mile High Stadium at Mile High so that more Americans can be a part of the fourth night of the Convention as Barack Obama accepts the Democratic nomination.

I hope people stick around after Ritter's done.  Y'know...out of politeness.

P.S. To all the conservative Christians who have been praying to God for a washout tonight, here's her response: Fuggedaboutit.

CHEERS to happy coincidences.  Forty five years ago today, on August 28, 1963, 200,000 people watched as Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  Tonight Barack Obama will no doubt echo the words of King when he speaks to a packed stadium in Denver as the first African-American presidential nominee in the history of the world.  These are the words rattling in my head today:

"I have a dream my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but the content of their character."

Mission accomplished.  Mostly.

CHEERS to history not repeating itself.  On August 28, 1968, police and anti-war demonstrators made a giant clusterfuck of things in the streets of Chicago as the Democratic National Convention nominated Hubert Humphrey.  On August 28, 2008, the cops will be mostly twiddling their thumbs and making mental notes to vote for Barack Obama as the remnants of PUMA meet in a phone booth.  (Try the dip---it's fabo!)

CHEERS to Jon Stewart.  His dissection of Michelle Obama's speech is a must watch.  Best line: "She must prove she loves America.  As opposed to Republicans, who everyone knows love America...they just hate half the people living in it."  Amen.

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C&J Flashback---2004 Democratic National Convention, Day 4:

Convention speakers include: Madelaine Albright, Sen. Joe Biden, Gen. Wesley Clark, Former Sen. Max Cleland, and John Kerry.

CHEERS to Wednesday's speeches.  Sharpton goes off-script to deliver barn-burner at convention, while Edwards promises that "Hope is on the way."  If you're taking orders, sir, my hope comes with a large Bacardi label on it.

CHEERS to Nancy Reagan.  She just says "No" to appearance the Republican Convention next month.  Looks like the party of Reagan is no longer the party of Reagan.

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And just one more...

JEERS to a good Ashtabuttkicking.  Hey, Vermont and New Hampshire!  While you guys were out gathering nuts and berries for your granola snacks, Ashtabula, Ohio was stealing your mojo in covered bridge building.  Which is like Philadelphia losing its cheesesteak honors to Alaska.  Say it ain't so.

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Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you: The Minnesota Twins!!!  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"Bye, Bill in Portland Maine!  I love you!"
---Sasha Obama
8/25/08.

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