In a move critics say epitomizes the waste and incompetence prevalent in the Bush Administration, DHS Secretary Michael Cherthoff announced that the department would initiate a total recall of the
color-coded Terror Warning System, due to what Cherthoff called a "fatal design flaw."
It's estimated that the recall, redesign and redistribution of the system, the contract for which has been awarded to the Halliburton Corporation, will cost taxpayers an estimated $10.5 billion - though expected cost-overruns would probably place the final pricetag closer to $50 billion.
The original, flawed warning system, which cost approximately $30 billion, was designed and constructed by KBR, a subsidiary of the Halliburton Corporation.
Cherthoff told the (dis)Associated Press that the warning system had a simple, but costly, design mistake: two of the colors on the chart were reversed.
"We all know that the color green is a secondary color, a blend of the colors blue and yellow. Likewise, orange is a blend of the colors yellow and red.
"KBR got the upper part of the chart correct - red, obviously, would be the highest level of danger, yellow would be a middle level, and orange would be in-between the two, signifying a transition from yellow to red. The same logic should extend to the bottom of the chart, with green signifying a transition from blue to yellow, meaning blue would be at the bottom of the chart and would represent the lowest possible level of terrorist threat. But someone screwed up, and put green at the bottom."
Cherthoff wouldn't identify the KBR employee responsible for the mistake, but said that the culprit "didn't want the color blue to signify a state of peace, since blue was a color appropriated by the Democrat (sic) Party."
Cherthoff also indicated that the KBR employee in question would be receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom, to be awarded anonymously. The anonymous employee would also likely be selected to fill the long-vacant directorship of FEMA, as (s)he has no previous experience with emergency management.
No one at DHS would indicate when the new warning system would be completed, or what it would look like. But speculation is that it will either involve various unrelated colors pulled randomly from a 64-crayon Crayola box, or it will incorporate different shades of brown - ranging from "deep shit" brown (lowest level of danger imaginable under the Bush Administration) to "oh-my-god-i-shit-my-pants-I'm-so-scared" brown (the point at which selected members of the administration not "rapture-ized" would board their spaceships and immediately depart for their base on Mars, dubbed the "Galactic White House").