Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

An Open Letter to the 111th Congress

Dear Congress,

Let's get this out of the way right now: I think you're gonna suck balls.

I base my opinion on your performance during the previous administration, and I see no reason to change my mind just because y'all have a bunch of new members and America has a new president.

It's all so predictable. With virtually no exceptions, Republican members will continue insisting that the policies of shitting on the little guy are the only ones that they'll support, and Democratic members will continue to give these idiots serious thought and consideration in the futile hope that we can all just get along. In essence, you'll continue governing as if we are a "center-right" nation, which we most assuredly are not.

You'll continue to act quickly on things that should be acted on slowly, and you'll act slowly on things that should be acted on quickly. You'll insult our intelligence, waste our money (or, rather, waste our grandchildren's money since you spent ours and our kids' long ago), give plenty of face time to the rich and powerful, and collapse at the mere hint of a filibuster threat.

I know you want me to believe you'll do things differently, but that's like Lucy promising Charlie Brown that she won't pull the football away---for real this time. Uh huh. George Bush may be the worst president ever, but at least he was right when he stammered, "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me...can't get fooled again."

I know I'm being a tad negative, but can you blame me? You authorized the Iraq war, legalized warrantless wiretapping to make Bush's illegal wiretapping retroactively legal (that was a neat backflip), agreed that habeas corpus was disposable, wasted floor time condemning MoveOn.org for exercising its freedom of speech, took impeachment off the table, failed to notice the collapsing economy, and wouldn’t even allow the government to use its power to negotiate lower drug prices. You failed us and failed us and failed us. Collectively you're a bunch of irresponsible opportunistic whiny ether-sniffing assface sissypants bedwetters until such time that you prove through your deeds that you're not.

I'll close on a happy note in the interest of bipartisanship: nice shoes.

Hugs,

Billy

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Note: To make a really positive impression on the nation, I think Obama should be driven to his inauguration in the Oscar Mayer Hot Dog Mobile.  For balance Biden would ride in the Vegan Mobile.

-

By the Numbers:
Days 'til Inauguration Day: 14!!!
Days `til analog TV broadcasting ends: 42
Percent of Americans surveyed who say they make New Year's resolutions: 66%
Percent who say they follow through with them: 17%
(Source: USA Today)
Date on which the U.S. must leave its only South American military installation, by order of Ecuador, its host: 11/12/09
(Source: Harper's Index)
Percent of the Secret Service's 6,700 personnel who are women: 25%
(Source: Parade)
Age of Sesame Street as of this year: 40

-

Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:

so painful to have to agree with you on that.... it hurts ... So darn tired of being betrayed by our "supposed" Leaders.... Somebody please lock Mr. Bush in a closet somewhere so he can’t do anymore harm... Just so darn concerned about the 10 times as bad that Oblahblah is gonna be...

In the name of the O, the Reid, and the Pe-losi....

Socialism forever and ever... without end...

All.... men....

GAG

---Commenter JLenardDetroit at RedState

 

All together now: One...two...three... Classy!!!

-

Puppy Pic of the Day: This one would feel right at home in politics...

-

CHEERS to good times in the Gopher State.  Yesterday the Minnesota Canvassing Board slapped a sticker on Al Franken's ass that reads, "Certified 100% Hunka Hunka United States Senator."  Franken responded:

"This victory is incredibly humbling – not just because it was so narrow, but because of the tremendous responsibility it gives me on behalf of the people of Minnesota. ...  I want you all to know that I’m ready to go to Washington and get to work just as soon as possible. And I look forward to joining President-Elect Obama and Senator Klobuchar in getting our country moving in the right direction again.

"For our state, today marked the end of a long process that will forever be a part of Minnesota history. But today is also a beginning. The history of our country will be forever altered by what we do together to address the challenges we face together. So, with tremendous gratitude for the victory we have won, I’m ready to get to work."

Norm Coleman issued a brief response: "Sassafrassa rassaratsa grrrr..."  Bill O'Reilly's response was unprintable.

CHEERS to the new kids.  Please give a warm welcome to our newly-minted Democratic senators, who will be sworn in today: Mark Begich (D-AK), Mark Warner (D-VA), Kay Hagan (D-NC), Tom Udall (D-NM), Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH), Jeff Merkley (D-OR) and Mark Udall (D-CO).  Meanwhile security will be on the lookout for Roland Burris, who plans to sneak into the chamber disguised as a lamp and superglue himself to Obama's old chair.  C-SPAN, don’t fail me now.

JEERS to breaking the rules.  One of the cardinal rules in Kos's book Taking on the System is "Never punch down."  Radio host Bill Cunningham failed to heed that advice, and now he just sounds like an idiot:

Echoing his previous attacks on the poor, radio host Bill Cunningham claimed that "poor people were not and are not poor because they lack money.  They're poor because they lack values, ethics, and morals."

All hail Bill Cunningham: King of the Paupers.

JEERS to tragic meetings of sperm and egg.  On January 6, 1945, George H.W. Bush married Barbara Pierce.  We wish them a happy 64th anniversary and all...but the product of their hot passionate night fogging up the Studebaker windows to produce George II has darn near destroyed America.  Which is why we need a constitutional amendment right now to outlaw the biggest threat to our democracy: Republican marriage.

P.S.  Greetings also to George and Martha Washington on their 250th anniversary.  You can skip the gifts, though...they haven't spoken in years.

CHEERS to smart moves.  When Glenn Greenwald endorses an Obama pick---especially with the term "best yet, perhaps by far"---I have no reason to doubt him.  So C&J gives thumbs-up to Dawn Johnson as our next Assistant Attorney General for the Office of Legal Counsel.  Here's an excerpt from an article she wrote that gives a glimpse into why Glenn's so impressed:

"[W]e must regain our ability to feel outrage whenever our government acts lawlessly and devises bogus constitutional arguments for outlandishly expansive presidential power.  Otherwise, our own deep cynicism, about the possibility for a President and presidential lawyers to respect legal constraints, itself will threaten the rule of law---and not just for the remaining nine months of this administration, but for years and administrations to come."

In other transition news, Clinton administration veteran (yes, another one) Leon Panetta is being tapped for the CIA director's job.  Diane Feinstein and Jay Rockefeller are unhappy with the decision, so that means it's an excellent choice.  Next: a hire that really pisses off Harry Reid?  Oh, we hope so.

JEERS to not learning.  Okay, let's review a little history for President-elect Obama: In 2001 Bush wrote us all checks and they didn’t do diddley for the economy.  Last year Bush gave us more checks and they didn’t do diddley for the economy.  So why, I wonder, does Obama think that sending out checks a third time (to appease the weaker-than-ever Republican party) will do diddley for the economy?  I wish Bo was still with us...he'd know.

CHEERS to healthy attraction.  For years the makers of therapeutic magnets were called quacks and snake-oil salesmen.  Well, research out of the University of Virginia suggests that magnet therapy may "increase the flow of blood, thus providing more oxygen and nutrients to injured tissue."  Good news: it could mean faster recovery times from injuries at virtually no cost.  Bad news: you may develop an unhealthy attraction to your refrigerator door.

-

Five years ago in C&J: January 6, 2004

CHEERS to Bill Bradley, for eloquent words in Dean endorsement: "His supporters are breathing fresh air into the lungs of our democracy."  Pure poetry.

JEERS to Dept. of Labor.  Goons give employers tips on how to cut overtime pay to 1.3 million low-income workers, then claim---swear to god---"We're not saying anybody should do any of this."  You twits are the scum on the bottom of scum's shoes.

-

And just one more...

CHEERS to the past as prologue.  On January 6, 1941, Franklin Roosevelt gave his famous "Four Freedoms" State of the Union speech.  While the oft-cited quartet---of speech, of religion, from want and from fear---is timeless, so too is this part of FDR's speech, which sounds like a page out of Barack Obama's playbook:

"The basic things expected by our people of their political and economic systems are simple.  They are: Equality of opportunity for youth and for others.  Jobs for those who can work.  Security for those who need it.  The ending of special privilege for the few.  The preservation of civil liberties for all.  The enjoyment of the fruits of scientific progress in a wider and constantly rising standard of living.

"These are the simple, the basic things that must never be lost sight of in the turmoil and unbelievable complexity of our modern world.  The inner and abiding strength of our economic and political systems is dependent upon the degree to which they fulfill these expectations.

"Many subjects connected with our social economy call for immediate improvement.  As examples: We should bring more citizens under the coverage of old-age pensions and unemployment insurance.  We should widen the opportunities for adequate medical care.  We should plan a better system by which persons deserving or needing gainful employment may obtain it.

"So let me assert my firm belief that Yes We Can, baby!  Whoo whooo!!!  Fist bump!  Fist bump!"

Eerie.

-

Hey, it's Earl Scruggs' 85th birthday, and you know what that means: Foggy Mountain Breakdown!!!!!   Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

-

Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Bill in Portland Maine spent $235,000 in taxpayer money to renovate his bathroom
---Think progress

-