Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Quit Whining, It's Just Your Money

Newsweek's Larry Kaplow visited the newly-opened U.S. Embassy in Baghdad. Sounds like a weekend at Club Med:

I'm a mere layman when it comes to architecture, but the place struck me as dismal and defeatist. Maybe I'm missing something, like a new trend in rectangles, sharp corners and cheap metal sheeting. There are plenty other fortresslike embassies, some of which have caused debate in the past. But they at least tried to add an architectural flourish or two. This embassy, visible from large swaths of the capital, evokes rigidity and fear. Many compare it to a prison.

At least there's no raw sewage coming out the of the light fixtures, and the automatic fire-extinguishing system no longer starts fires.

The new embassy is a collection of more than 20 boxy buildings in burnt orange and beige, plopped down on about 100 acres of walled land by the Tigris River. One of the largest office buildings has gray, bladelike horizontal metal sunscreens on the top half supported on naked girders. It's like the venting on some industrial furnace or maybe the world's largest, meanest cheese grater. Or a giant, multiedged razor. I kept my distance.

And here's the hilarious punchline: 740 million dollars.

Is hurtling through space on a rock populated by idiots a gas or what??!

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Note: Gimme Gimme Gimme!!!

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Inauguration Day: 13
Days `til the Oscar nominations are announced: 15
Percent of 206 investment managers surveyed who expect the stock market to rise by 10 percent or more in 2009: 50%
Percent who expect it to go down 10 percent or more: 3%
(Source: USA Today)
Increase in weight of the average American since 2001: 6 pounds
(Source: The Week)
Average annual Maine wild blueberry yield: 75 million pounds
Estimated 2008 yield: 90 million pounds
(Source: Maine Sunday Telegram)

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 157 (including 4 cases of liberalism and 1 Rapture Security Advisory System).  Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weather forecast for New England: Wheeeee!!!

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CHEERS to dodging a bullet.  Yesterday I was a little harsh on Congress (although I did praise their footwear), so today I'll give 'em a squeeze.  If they hadn’t pushed back against Bush's Social Security-gutting scheme a few years back, a lot of Americans would be in a world of hurt...like many Italians are now:

Italy did for retirement financing what President George W. Bush couldn’t do in the U.S.: It privatized part of its social security system. The timing couldn’t have been worse.  The global market meltdown has created losses for those who agreed to shift their contributions from a government severance payment plan to private funds meant to yield higher returns

Gaetano Turchetta, a Rome office manager, made the irreversible move to a private plan after a union representative boasted of the potential for 20 percent annual returns. The 43- year-old father of three now says he would sign with "two hands and two feet" if he could switch back.

Thanks to our congresscritters, SSA has a new meaning: Saving our Skins and Asses.

JEERS to President Bush's legacy.  Heckuva job, you asshole:

When Muhammad Saad Iqbal arrived home here in August after more than six years in American custody, including five at the military prison at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, he had difficulty walking, his left ear was severely infected, and he was dependent on a cocktail of antibiotics and antidepressants. ... The maladies, said Mr. Iqbal, 31, a professional reader of the Koran, are the result of a gantlet of torture, imprisonment and interrogation for which his Washington lawyer plans to sue the United States government. ...

Mr. Iqbal was never convicted of any crime, or even charged with one. He was quietly released from Guantánamo with a routine explanation that he was no longer considered an enemy combatant, part of an effort by the Bush administration to reduce the prison’s population.

The government plans to counter-sue Mr. Iqbal for using his face to break bones in his interrogator's clenched fists.  Very uncivil of him.

CHEERS to wacky Whigs.  Happy 209th Birthday to "#13" Millard Fillmore.  During his accidental presidency (thanks to Zachary Taylor's death from choking on Diet Coke and Pop Rocks), he sent Commodore Perry to open trade with Japan.  He also postponed the Civil War by signing the Compromise of 1850, which added California as a free state but also established a fugitive slave law.  Oh, and Queen Victoria said he was the most handsome man she'd ever laid eyes on, after which he unofficially became the first person to run a one-minute mile.  Pay your respects here.  He's lonely.

JEERS to vicious cycles.  Here's a little microcosm of the U.S. economy as seen through the lens of Maine's community college system.  It works like this: You get downsized because of budget cuts.  You apply to community college to upgrade your skills.  You're told, "Sorry, we can't accept you."  You ask, "Why?"  They tell you: "We don’t have enough staff due to budget cuts."  Oh, and have a nice day.

CHEERS to saying no.  Jeb Bush announced yesterday that he won’t run for the Senate in 2010.  I believe his exact words were: "Hasn’t America suffered enough?"  He always was the smart one.

JEERS to false messengers for God.  Lesson: anytime a commentator---in this case Jordan Lorence of the Alliance Defense Fund, a gang of conservative Christian lawyers (Motto: "We Don’t Just Fight For You, We Smite For You!")---opens a column with, "Proponents of redefining marriage...", you know that person is about to embarrass himself by presenting arguments against same-sex marriage with holes big enough to sail the ark through.  So, Mr. Lorence, here's what you conveniently ignore:

>> "Traditional" marriage means the woman is property and can only be traded if the parents approve..
>> "Traditional" marriage means the man gets to have multiple wives and concubines on the side.
>> "Traditional" marriage means no black and white co-mingling.
>> "Traditional" marriage means the bride must be a virgin and, if she lies about it, her punishment is death.
>> "Traditional" marriage means the woman must obey her husband.

And last but certainly not least, Mr. Lorence, "traditional" marriage has been redefined countless times over the years to accommodate the fact that we've---oh, what's the term---wised up.  For being such a jerk I find you IN CONTEMPT OF HUMANITY!!!  (Ahem...too melodramatic?)

CHEERS to the Republic's BIG Moment.  On January 7, 1789, the first U.S. Presidential election was held, but there was no popular vote.  Instead, each state's appointees to the Electoral College got to vote twice.  The top two vote-getters would become president and Veep.  They picked the stoic hero George Washington and the cranky Masshole John Adams.  Their first conversation: "What do we do now?"  "I dunno, I thought you knew."  "Well, I thought you knew!"  "Shit!"  "Hey...let's get drunk and pee in Jefferson's desk."  "We rule."  "Fuck, yeah."

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Five years ago in C&J: January 7, 2004

CHEERS to Wesley Clark.  Continues to pick up steam in NH, passes Kerry for first time.  National numbers strong, too.  Media poised to start nosing through his trash in earnest.  Hope you're ready, sir.

CHEERS to Michael Arad.  34 year-old architect creates winning WTC memorial.  Twin reflecting pools and surrounding park provide tasteful yet powerful reminder of what happened there.  The sooner ground is broken, the better.

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And just one more...

CHEERS to the invention of the wheel, take 2.  The megabrainiacs at Apple have done it again!  Imagine: a computer with no keyboard.  Get a load of the new MacBook Wheel, where "everything is just a few hundred clicks away."  The National Association of Freelance Writers Who Charge By the Hour (NAFWCBH) rates it a hundred stars out of five.

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Oh, and here's a little something special for your toast.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Bill in Portland Maine 57; Palin 33
---Andrew Sullivan

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