From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Hot off the press of the future
Former TV Host Leads 'Hands Off My Public Option' Rally
November 24, 2041
WASHINGTON -- Government-sponsored health care was on the minds of angry conservative "tea party" protestors in the nation's capital yesterday, as former TV host Glenn Beck led a "Hands Off My Public Option" rally on the mall.
The 77 year-old Beck, who was banned from the airwaves in 2014 after pouring what he thought was water over an intern as part of an on-air gag, only to discover after lighting a match that it was, in fact, gasoline, said the new president "needs to keep her cockamamie paws off our universal coverage."
"Thirty-two years ago, Republicans fought tooth and nail for healthcare reform with a public option," said Beck, choking back tears. "We fought for it and we bled for it. And we're here to tell the president that any cuts or rollbacks will be met with a fury like she's never seen. We surround you, Madame President!"
Protestors held up signs with slogans like, "Only Hitler would take away my pubic [sic] option" and "Don’t tread on my cradle-to-grave gov't coverage" as they marched to the steps of the U.S. Capitol for a rally. D.C. officials estimated the crowd size at 5,000. Organizers disputed that, claiming that attendance "easily topped a couple million."
Liberals responded to the rally by pointing out that, in fact, the Democratic Congress passed healthcare reform with a public option in late 2009 against unified Republican opposition, and the bill was signed by former President Barack Obama. It was subsequently strengthened in 2019 and 2024. The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office estimates that improving efficiency and introducing competition to the healthcare industry has resulted in savings of over $4 trillion.
"There's a reason Democrats have won every election since 2008," said Senator Al Franken (D-MN), who voted for the original bill and is now serving his sixth term. "It's great that Mr. Beck and his followers enjoy having access to affordable government healthcare, but let's not rewrite the history books. Oh, and by the way, it's worth noting that the president has every intention of strengthening the public option further, and hopes that the twenty Republicans in the Senate will climb on board. Frankly, I'm not sure why these protestors are out here marching except to vent their frustration over losing yet another election."
Beck noted that health care is now the number-one issue with the Republican base, whose median age is 67 according to the latest U.S. Census figures.
There was only one confirmed injury, which occurred when guest speaker Bill O'Reilly, 92, tripped over a fire hydrant while lunging at Senator Franken with his walking stick. He was treated and released at the scene. No charges were filed.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Note: I'm opening the bar early. Honor system. Just leave a five-spot in the jockstrap hanging from the door.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Golden Globe and Oscar nominations come out: 21/70
Days `til the Armadillo Christmas Bazaar in Austin: 17
Number of banks that have been taken over by the FDIC this year: 124
Portion of job applicants who were found to have traces of cocaine in their system when tested via a urine sample: 3-in-1 thousand
Portion who were found to have traces of cocaine in their system when tested via hair sample: 32-in-1 thousand (hair samples reflect use within the last 3 months while urine samples only go back a few days)
(Source: Quest Diagnostics via USA Today)
Estimated number of Americans who will be traveling by car for Thanksgiving, up 2.1% from last year: 33.2 million
Estimated number of air travelers, down 6.7% from '08: 2.3 million
(Source: AAA)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
In today’s Cheers and Jeers at Daily Kos, Palin Derangement Syndrome takes front and center stage. While blogger Bill is watching TV, a top liberal intellectual pursuit, whenever he hears "Palin," he gets mad and changes the channel. Will Palin Derangement Syndrome be covered under our new government-run health care system?
---"Marwick" at Right On Demand, who clearly can't differentiate between criticism of Sarah Palin and criticism of the media coverage of Sarah Palin.
All together now: One...two...three... Classy!!!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: As much as I enjoy meeting bloggers, I really enjoy meeting their pets. Like Joe Sudbay of Americablog's pooch Petey. The photo would indicate that I had just said something profound to him. I think it was "Squirrel."
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CHEERS to justice served. A bunch of al Qaeda sympathizers in Miami who plotted to blow up the Sears Tower (or whatever they're calling it these days) have been tried and sentenced...in a civilian court authorized by the Bush administration!!! Amazing--- U.S. District Judge Joan Lenard's family wasn't threatened. Miami wasn't attacked. The judicial system worked as intended. But wait, there's more! In the latest issue of The Week, I read that. "Since 9/11, the Justice Department has brought terrorism cases against 289 defendants, achieving a 91.1 percent conviction rate without compromising national secrets." But... But... I don’t hear any wailing from the right-wingers about how the nation's security was compromised during the Bush/Cheney years. Oh well. I'm sure they're just busy figuring out how to open Sarah's book and will issue a statement sometime next century.
CHEERS to tears in space. Yesterday astronauts Robert Satcher Jr. and Randy Bresnik completed NASA's 230th space walk. Among other things, they re-directed an antenna so now the folks on the International Space Station will be able to watch Hotel Erotica on Cinemax again. Meanwhile, Mission Specialist Bresnik found out after a spacewalk yesterday that he's a dad:
I got to see my little girl for the first time yesterday. And I know that many myriad of people across a lot of disciplines at JSC and the hospital staff that worked to make that happen. ... So thank you to my wonderful wife for bringing her into the world. That is the most wonderful thing I've seen since I left Earth.
The coolest part? He cut the umbilical cord from space with a laser. Neat trick!
CHEERS to "Old Rough 'n Ready." And Happy birthday to "#12" Zachary Taylor, who became president in 1849. Odd fellow:
Taylor was one strange-looking dude. Given his thick trunk, long, spindly arms, and a face like shoe leather, he bore an unsettling resemblance to an orangutan. Old Rough and Ready may have been at home in the saddle, but he needed help getting into it---his legs were too short and bow-shaped to do it alone. His hat of choice was a broad-rimmed, floppy thing woven of palmetto leaves, which---along with a mismatched set of rags that he frequently passed off as clothes---led some people to mistake their president for a farmer.
---From Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O'Brien
He ruled the roost for a whopping 1 year and 126 days until he became "Old Gastroenteritis" when died from either a) tainted water, b) tainted cherries, or c) tainted iced milk. You know the drill...pay your respects and move along. Taint nice to stare at dead folks
JEERS to terra-not-so-firma. As a public service, C&J provides this valuable News "Undate" to keep you informed on what's what and what ain't and so forth and suchlike: In the case of the controversy over merchandise being sold related to Psalm 109:8 (which sounds like the start of a Captain's Log entry from Star Trek), Café press has un-un-un-reversed itself. In New York's 23rd District, teabagger candidate Dustin Hoffman (Note to self: check spelling of name; might be Abbie) has un-un-un-conceded the race. And in Washington, healthcare reform is un-un-un-un-un-undead. And to answer your question: Nope, no idea how people get so confused over politics and current events. Our next undate comes your way in 30 minutes. Unless it un-un-doesn't.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. CNN's Political Ticker asks: Can Lou Dobbs make the leap from the anchor desk to the Oval Office?
Nunca!
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
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CHEERS to eating mud. Oh, Army Corps of Engineers....how could you let us down like this? (Hint: Easy---they do it a lot.) Looks like they're officially joining Bush and Brownie on the Hurricane Katrina shit list:
U.S. District Judge Stanwood R. Duval, Jr. awarded $719,698 to a group of plaintiffs from the St. Bernard parish in New Orleans who sued the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers for failing to properly maintain levees [which] burst during the Hurricane Katrina catastrophe of 2005. While the ruling was in favor of only four residents and one business, potentially thousands of Katrina victims could sue the government on the same grounds, which could lead to hundreds of billions of dollars in liability exposure for the federal government.
How cool that those poor folks could be in line for some serious coin. Lord knows they deserve it. Meanwhile, here's a bit of good news for everyone down south: Atlantic hurricane season ends in six days and look: Nothin' on the horizon! Go ahead...exhale.
CHEERS to common sense backed by science. 150 years ago today, on November 24, 1859, Darwin's The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection was published. As proof that the theory works in reverse, more Americans believe in creationism today than evolution. Even the one-celled amoebas are rolling their eyes.
JEERS to moving in a new direction. I know what you're thinking: "Hey, Bill! Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade?" Uh...yeah, sure, whatever. But fair warning---this year they're hikin' a different Appalachian Trail (if ya know what I mean):
For the first time, the New York City parade will not march down Broadway through the famous Times Square area. Instead, the bands and balloons will turn down Seventh Avenue. Why the change? Cars and trucks are no longer allowed to drive down Broadway in the Times Square area. Last spring, the area became a pedestrian zone, or area for walkers only. So the area is now off-limits to parade floats and the cars and trucks that pull them.
Fun fact: Macy's is the #2 helium consumer in the world. Ten percent for inflating balloons for the parade, 90 percent for inhaling at the company Christmas party. (The first person to make it through "Papa-Oom-Mow-Mow" without passing out wins fifty bucks.)
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Five years ago in C&J: November 24, 2004
CHEERS to crises averted. Under threat of sanctions, Iran ceases uranium-enriching operations. But secret flubber research goes on unabated. Prepare the landing boats!
CHEERS to John and Jane Q. Public. New USA Today/CNN/Gallup poll shows that Americans---by a margin of 2 to 1---want the President to pursue "programs that both parties support" instead of a Republican-sponsored bloodletting. Behind closed doors, Bush wonders why these people are answering poll questions when they should be shopping. Time to raise terror alert?
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And just one more...
CHEERS to the beauty of brevity. People are asking how we're doing up here in Maine, three weeks after voters shot down our gay marriage law. Short answer is: eh, we're dealin'. But longer answers---by turns eloquent, angry, and determined---have been plentiful in Maine's largest newspaper, The Portland Press Herald. Here are some from Saturday. And several more appeared yesterday that take the Catholic Church to task. One of the most memorable is also the most succinct. I wish I could take credit for it, but that honor goes to Peter Cash of Bridgton:
The conservative voters of Maine have carried the day by upholding the sanctity of traditional marriage. I am sure that half a dozen great conservative leaders like Ronald Reagan, Bob Dole, John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh and all 14 of their wives would approve.
But of course. Pay no attention to the hypocrisy behind the elephant in the room---that would be rude.
Have a nice Tuesday. Dress for success! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Bill in Portland Maine is very boring to me. Very boring. And to me, kind of a dangerous person. He's dangerous. He's so confused."
---Martha Stewart
11/21/09
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