I wanted to write something about Christmas, something bright and shiny like the start that tops my tree and I can't help but come back to the year that has past. The year that brought relief from a job that I couldn't stand because it brought no connection to the passions I hold in my heart although it paid the bills and helped keep a roof over my family's head. This is something that many people now would love to say they could do. It's not something to take for granted...ever.
And yet the combination of chronic health issues that were evasive to my Kaiser doctors compacted the frustration of a dead end job that fed nothing to my soul. It only made those conditions worse. So when the time came and it was either me or another administrative position, I knew it was right that I move on.
And so I did. I moved on. It's been a tough eight months, which I knew it would be, I didn't take the move lightly, knowing deep down that I would still be better off than the many Americans struggling every day and the billions around the world who live on less a day than it might cost to put farting sounds on your iPhone. Even as I have days where getting out of bed is painful and hard, I know that I still lead a blessed life. I have health insurance and I have a home and my husband has a job.
I wrote a diary yesterday entitled, Christmas in Yosemite - A Photo Diary and this was my favorite photo from the trip. I felt that somehow this tree represented my body that I had become bent yet was still standing.
It's a Chronic Christmas for me, a day filled with physical pain that doesn't seem to want to go away. And unfortunately the cold only makes my pain worse, fibromyalgia tends to worsen with cold and rheumatoid arthritis isn't helped by it much either (and a furnace too expensive to fix and us not having the money to replace).
And yet we all face challenges of our as we attempt to find a path to our own way of pushing forth progressive change or any change at all. And to the causes that I've attempted to champion, I know that even if they still look like a huge mess, I've made a dent, a tiny, tiny dent.
This year I started working on Restoration Ecology classes and community gardens, I've spent more time with daughter and more time on my health by taking water aerobics classes at a local gym. The little steps seem so small but they can add up and we have to remember that in caring for ourselves we can care for a whole lot more when we go out into the world.
Don't forget this please. Don't neglect yourself as you push for change, it may seem like a silly kind of request, but as we try to take care of the world we have to remember to take care of ourselves. It's the least we can do for our loved ones, for our causes and for ourselves. Everyone deserves that kind of love.
So many here do so much for others, please, for me, take care of yourselves too, you know who you are and you know how much I care for you. I've been blessed with so many friends at Daily Kos and even though I don't comment as much, post as much, I will always treasure those friends for long time coming. I would not be the person I am, or on the path I'm walking if it had not been for this community.
Daily Kos can serve as a bridge to many places as long as you can allow it to. It can give you connections to people with common interests beyond the political and it can feed your soul in so many ways. I've been blessed to find those connections beyond the pie fights. And in fact it's those connections that have kept me coming back.
So remember if the community is to grow, we must tread softly not only on others but ourselves, give yourself some room to grow beyond your own fence. You may find that you've learned a lot more about yourself than just health care reform and green house gases.
This is my future, this is my reason for coming back, the connections I make here mean that others too work for her future, this little girl means the world to me and I keep getting up everyday for her, even if she may not quite understand how hard it.
We purposefully kept Charlotte in daycare and paid very little to do so to keep her routine intact. But decided so that I could join a health club with water aerobics near by, we had to take her out which meant less time with friends (it only amounted to about two hours a day, four days a week).
As we drove home on the very last day I told her that when I got a job she could go back. The response was devastating to me. "Get a job Mommy!" GET A JOB MOMMY she yelled through tears. I almost started to cry myself. It was heartbreaking.
Sometimes we don't realize the pain we inflict. Sometimes we regress to little children and we have to step back and remember that the choices other make on our behalf have been difficult. I won't defend those choices and I'm not speaking on any specific ones. But as a parent it was hard to choose my health over my daughter's happiness. Of course she's over it but it was tough.
"You can never step into the same river; for new waters are always flowing on to you."
Heraclitus of Ephesus
So think of Daily Kos as a river, each step in will mean change for the community and change for you. It's a journey for us all.
Merry Christmas