The Last Days Of Rod Blagojevich

Now that former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is permanently out of government work - and Roland Burris is serving happily in the U.S. Senate - one can only speculate on what the next move for the Mighty Blago might be.

Myself, I'm hoping he gets his own TV show.

For a brief reminder of why the Blago Saga has been must-see TV for the past two months, let's look back.

Blago first burst onto the national scene when he was arrested for attempting to sell a United States Senate seat:

On Page 59, Blagojevich muses, "I’ve got this thing and it’s f***ing golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for f***in’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there." Blagojevich expresses the hope that he will receive some kind of appointment in return for choosing Obama's favored candidate. "I want to make money," says the governor. On Pages 63-64, Blagojevich refers to Obama as a "motherf***er," and says, of the idea that he would pick the president-elect's preferred candidate without receiving something in return, "F*** him. For nothing? F*** him."

Let us not forget, our hero's desire to serve his people was never limited to Governor or Senate. Our man Blago must rise to the highest office in the land, for he is a river to his people:

"Throughout the intercepted conversations, Blagojevich also allegedly spent significant time weighing the option of appointing himself to the open Senate seat and expressed a variety of reasons for doing so, including: frustration at being "stuck" as governor; a belief that he will be able to obtain greater resources if he is indicted as a sitting Senator as opposed to a sitting governor; a desire to remake his image in consideration of a possible run for President in 2016; avoiding impeachment by the Illinois legislature; making corporate contacts that would be of value to him after leaving public office; facilitating his wife's employment as a lobbyist; and generating speaking fees should he decide to leave public office.

After the whole "Senate appointment" business went sideways, we move on to Pearl Harbor Day:

Impeached Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich tells The Associated Press that his Dec. 9 arrest on corruption charges "is what Pearl Harbor Day was to the United States."

"It was a complete surprise, completely unexpected. And just like the United States prevailed in that, we'll prevail in this," he said in an interview today in Chicago, outside the office of one of his attorneys.

Japan attacked Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941.

Blagojevich, the populist hero, forsaken by his people, yet defending truth and justice till the very end:

"In some respects it's an honor to fall on principle on behalf of the people," he said.

Truly, the man is a misunderstood, underappreciated legend in the struggle for human rights and justice for all.

Just like Mohandas Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King.

CHICAGO: Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, facing a senate trial on corruption and malpractice charges, on Tuesday drew parallels with Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr saying he tried to bring perspective into his arrest last year by thinking about the leaders.

Referring to his December 9 arrest, Blagojevich told the NBC's 'Today' show, "...the day unfolded and I had a whole bunch of thoughts... my children, and my wife and then I thought about Mandela, Dr King, Gandhi and tried to put some perspective in all of this and that is what I am doing now."

And why is it that this American hero, savior of the damned and downtrodden, is going down in ignominy?

It's all a big conspiracy, see:

"I know the fix is in and I will soon join the unfortunate people in this country who are losing their jobs," he said.

Fortunately, our man Rod won't be out of work for especially long (provided he can avoid prison), as he's been offered his own radio show.

"Some may feel this is a cynical gesture in pursuit of publicity, but nothing could be further from the truth," said Metheny, labeling the governor "ratings gold." He also touted all the benefits that come with a job at WGN, including health insurance. "In all probability the governor will soon be unemployed... and frankly, he could use a good medical plan to defray the expenses of psychiatric care."

Defiant to the last, Blagojevich got his day before the Senate, and true to form, he did not disappoint:

And of course, an impeachment trial is not a court of law. It's different. But whether it's a court of law or administrative hearing or whether it's schoolyard justice when one kid hits another, but the kid that hit him wasn't the one who did it, he's got other boys he'd like to have tell the teachers he didn't do it. Whether it's them or whether it's an impeachment process where you're seeking to remove a governor who is twice elected by the people, I think fundamental fairness, fundamental justice, natural law and constitutional rights suggest I should be able to bring witnesses in to say I didn't do the things they said I did.

Our man Rod took some time off in the middle of his speech to reminisce about the days of yore:

I remember when I was a legislator. I remember when I was a freshman in Congress and I got a chance to be on what they called a conference committee--when you get to sit with the leaders of the different committees in the House and in the Senate--and what a thrill it was for me to be able to, as a freshman congressman, be in a room with legendary U.S. senators like John Glenn and Ted Kennedy and John McCain and John Warner, the senator from Virginia who, incidentally, had once been married to Elizabeth Taylor. That's all I could think about when I saw him in that room. And then he asked me for a cup of coffee because he thought I was a staffer. And I didn't tell him I was a congressman. Instead I went and asked him, "How do you take it?" And he said, "Black." And I went and got him the coffee. I saw him the following weekend and he asked me for another cup of coffee. He obviously forgot I was a congressman.

Blago channels Otter from Animal House:

If you are impeaching me on providing safe and affordable prescription drugs--going to Canada and getting the same medicines made by the exact same companies--then the governor of Wisconsin ought to be impeached, the governor of Kansas ought to be impeached, the governor of Vermont ought to be impeached. And, while we're at it, let's go reach right into the United States Senate and let's expel John McCain and Ted Kennedy because I worked with them on this issue of the reimportation of prescription drugs. And then let's not stop there. Let's demand that President Obama fire Rahm Emanuel because Rahm Emanuel was the one who gave me this idea. If you're going to throw me out of office for something like this, then how can those guys stay in the offices that they have?

Our hero maintains he did it all for the common good:

I ask you to remember it ain't about me, my kids, it ain't about me. Charge it to my heart, charge it to a desire to help families I came from, and life stories I've heard along the way in my life and as governor.

Now removed from office, our man is optimistic as ever:

An amateur videographer captured the scene outside Rod Blagojevich's Chicago home tonight, where he greeted a visiting minister, posed for a picture with a young boy, and switched into Spanish for the Latino media.

"Thank you for you support," he said in well-rehearsed Spanish. "Together we will make our state much better for all. Yes we can!"

Si se puede, indeed.

In all seriousness, Rod Blagojevich has embarrassed and disgraced himself, the Democratic Party, his city, his state, the political process, and the nation. We are all better off for the fact that Patrick Quinn is Governor of Illinois today.

But for pure political theatre, the Blagojevich saga has been one of the most uncomfortably fascinating and eerily entertaining samples of pure, unfiltered spectacle we've seen in years. It has been the Starlight Express of American political scandals.

And for that, we must offer the deposed former Governor our sincerest, er, appreciation.