Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 20, 2009
Note: I'm all for having fun tonight, but if it's all the same to you, I don't really feel like Wang Chunging tonight.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til St. Patrick's Day: 25
Days `til the Maine Boatbuilder's Show in Portland: 28
Drop in traffic fatalities last year: -10%
(Source: USA Today via The Week)
Year by which New Orleans is expected to be rebuilt, at the current pace: 2028
(Source: Harper's Index)
Combined global land and ocean temperature in January: 54.55 degrees (almost 1 degree above the 20th century average)
Rank of January, 2009 among warmest Januaries since record-keeping began in 1880: #7
(NOAA via the Portland Daily Sun)
Minimum amount on which Sarah Palin owes back taxes: $17,000
(Source: CNN)
And from the Department of Hopeless Security:
Days the color-coded federal terror alert system has been in place: 2,544
Days spent at terror alert level Blue or Green: 0
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Sorry, Anderson. There's a new Cooper in town...
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CHEERS to one month down, 95 to go. Here's a quick history lesson to give you some perspective on George W. Bush's first 30 days in office and Barack Obama's (this is also a decent general contrast between what the two parties stand for):
Bush: Drain treasury with tax cuts for the rich, think of ways to justify future invasion of Iraq, mark upcoming six-week summer vacation on Garfield calendar.
Obama: Prevent teetering banks from failing, solve catastrophic housing crisis, stem skyrocketing unemployment, reinvigorate demolished financial sector, develop new strategy for winning seven-year-old war in Afghanistan, coordinate resolution of six-year-old war in Iraq, rebuild America's crumbling infrastructure, restore America's tattered reputation in the world, fix draconian health care system, start search for a puppy.
Now that you're settled in, Mr. President: no more slacking!
CHEERS to frank admissions. It's not exactly a surprise that my state's two senators---who are certifiably less dipshitty than their GOP colleagues---have become more influential in the Obama Era. It's interesting to see how much they seem to welcome the change. Apparently the Bushies weren't very nice:
The courtship of Senator Olympia Snowe started in December with a phone call from Joe Biden. The Vice President-elect made sure Snowe had his home telephone number in Delaware so she would know how to reach him on weekends. In the weeks that followed, the two traded memos back and forth about how an economic stimulus package should work. "I had an infinite number of ideas, because they had been stored up," says Snowe, a Maine Republican who never got that kind of treatment when her party controlled the White House. "Now somebody was listening."
Well, somebody besides the NSA, that is.
CHEERS to more Maher. If you missed Bill Maher's big-screen jab at organized religion, Religulous, you can now rent it on DVD. And tonight Real Time returns to HBO an hour earlier: 10pmET. Guests include Dailybeast.com editor Tina Brown, Chrystia Freeland of the Financial Times, and----ugh---David "Of course I'm lying, my lips are moving" Frum, creator of the doorstop known as The Right Man. Oh well...it's nice to see that Bill's not insecure about sharing the set with other comedians.
P.S. In its 4-star review, USA Today calls the HBO movie Taking Chance---about a Marine (Kevin Bacon) who escorts a dead soldier from Iraq to his final resting place---"a story that should be seen in every American home, and one that, if you don't know it, will leave you wondering why you don't know it." It's on tomorrow night. Not a popcorn movie...more like a few strong drinks movie.
JEERS to distilled essence of stupid. As they were shooting down every proposed bill that might elevate gay people in his state from third- to second-class citizens, Utah state senator Chris "Emphasis on Butt" Buttars compared homosexuals to terrorists and alcoholics. I'm so distraught that all I can say is, "Osama, pass the ripple."
CHEERS to #1. Make sure you say "Happieth Birthdayeth" to George Washington on Sunday---he'll be 277 years old. Despite his reputation he wasn't perfect. There was the whole cherry tree thing which pissed off environmentalists. And he had anger issues:
At the Battle of Kip's Bay, when Connecticut militia retreated from British soldiers without firing a shot, the general exploded with an apoplectic fury, hurling his hat to the ground, swearing himself blue in the face, and cane-whipping everyone within reach.
---From Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O'Brien
And here's a news flash for the obstructionist Republicans: Obama is simply following in the footsteps of the father of our country:
As president, he was particularly sensitive to the diverse interests of the new country and fervent in his efforts to prevent its fragmentation. ... He promoted roads, canals, the post office---anything and everything that would bind the different states and regions together. ... Never taking the unity of the country for granted, he remained preoccupied throughout his presidency with creating the sinews of nationhood. ... Washington, more than anyone, promoted the sense of Union that Lincoln and others would later uphold.
---From To the Best of My Ability, edited by James McPherson
Pay your respects here. And drop to your knees and thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that #43 wasn't #1.
JEERS to Groundhog Day: dead tree press edition. I try not to point out silly little mistakes that my hometown paper, the Portland Press Herald, makes. Shit happens, y'know? But it's pretty bad when they fuck up their masthead. Up at the top of yesterday's edition, in bold type, it proudly proclaimed the date as Wednesday, February 19, 2009. Since there was no correction in today's paper, I guess that means today is Thursday the 20th, tomorrow will be Friday the 21st...and so on. That sound you hear is the staff at the Royal Observatory in Greenwich shitting their pants.
AND THE OSCAR FOR 'MOST NEVER-ENDINGEST NEVER ENDING AWARDS SHOW' GOES TO... the Oscars. Sorry, but I'm not counting on host Hugh Jackman to generate much excitement Sunday night when 10 minutes of action is packed into four-plus hours of Tinseltown tedium...especially when the producers say that this year they're going to generate EXCITEMENT(!!!) by staging the show as a "narrative, unfolding like a play in which awards are given as part of the plot." We can't wait---to watch The weather Channel! For the record, here's our predictions:
Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire (Only because Beverly Hills Chihuahua isn't on the list)
Best Actor: Spicoli for Milk
Best Actress: The Titanic lady who's heart will go on and on and on
Best Supporting Actor: Ledger---that'll be nice, if awkward
Best Supporting Actress: Um...the Benjamin Button lady?
And for Best Documentary I'm rooting for Man On Wire. Because I'm always in favor of rewarding teh crazy.
CHEERS to party central. Unbridled joy and bead-tossing will abound tomorrow in New Orleans as the Krewe of Endymion parade---which the New York Times calls "the biggest and most lavish Mardi Gras parade...the only parade that traditionally rolls through the decidedly nontouristy neighborhood known as Mid-City"---gets underway at noon with grand marshal Kid Rock. Former FEMA director Michael Brown sends his regrets for not being able to attend yet again. He's just got too many weekend chores piling up in his "Heckuva Job Jar": Break the dishwasher, pour sugar in the car's gas tank, short-sheet the beds at the nursing home, repair his wife's watch with a hammer...a man's work is never done.
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Five years ago in C&J: February 20, 2004
CHEERS to justice. Former Enron CEO and Bush buddy Jeffrey Skilling is taken behind the woodshed for 42 count indictment. Love those matching handcuffs. A gift from Kenny Boy?
CHEERS to mad scientists. 60 lab-dwellers with a boatload of Nobels accuse White House of "suppressing, distorting or manipulating the work done by scientists at federal agencies." It's never smart to piss off the guys who control the world's supply of Flubber.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to Massachusetts liberals. This Sunday Senator Ted Kennedy celebrates his 77th birthday. You know Ted...he's the shrill leftie who talks crazy all the time, like he did in September of 2002:
With all the talk of war, the Administration has not explicitly acknowledged, let alone explained to the American people, the immense post-war commitment that will be required to create a stable Iraq. ... The Bush Administration says America can fight a war in Iraq without undermining our most pressing national security priority---the war against Al Qaeda. But I believe it is inevitable that a war in Iraq without serious international support will weaken our effort to ensure that Al Qaeda terrorists can never, never, never threaten American lives again.
Even with the Taliban out of power, Afghanistan remains fragile. Security remains tenuous. Warlords still dominate many regions. Our reconstruction effort, which is vital to long-term stability and security, is halting and inadequate. Some Al Qaeda operatives---no one knows how many---have faded into the general population. Terrorist attacks are on the rise. President Karzai, who has already survived one assassination attempt, is still struggling to solidify his hold on power. And although neighboring Pakistan has been our ally, its stability is far from certain.
There's more common sense and intelligence in those two paragraphs than George W. Bush displayed during his entire presidency. So Happy Birthday, Ted...we luvs ya. Tonight in DKos: the meta fights will be waged with Boston cream pies.
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Have a great weekend. Look at dirty pictures. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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