Last week when it was announced Multnomah County in Oregon would be marrying gays and lesbians,
I was posting in one of the diarys about the news. At the same time I was sending out emails and I proposed to my long time partner. When I mentioned this in the diary a couple of people asked I write a diary account of our experience.
So, Here it is.
After my partner, Anne, said yes we decided April 3 would be the soonest we both could get
to Portland. I, however, just happen to be coming to Vancouver, WA -just over the river from
Portland-- this past Friday. By the time I got to my mom's in Vancouver -7 hour drive- I had
heard that the Axis of Evangelicals were trying to get an injuntion against the marriages. I
had hopes that since there is no DOMA law and the marriages werent breaking any laws that the marriages would continue until April. By Saturday night, I was too worried to wait. The judge would decide Monday but unfortuneately I was unavailable Monday and Tuesday. I was going to a conference in Seattle. The earliest Anne and I could get to the courthouse would be Wednesday. I hemmed and hawed. What if we got Anne the plane ticket and the weddings were stopped? There goes 200 bucks we cant afford. Finally we decided to have a little faith and said what the hell. Anne got a plane ticket for Tuesday night. She would have to call in sick Wednesday to work.
While in Seattle I tried to stay glued to the news to hear of the court case in Portland. To
my wonderful suprise, the Seattle mayor announced and then signed into law partner benefits for
city workers. Washington has a DOMA and he couldnt issue licenses, but he was doing what he could I took it as a good oman, that Portland would continue marrying gays and lesbians. Side note. My 11 year old nephew heard that news and came to my mother and said, "Grandma, Seattle is going to marry gays. We have to tell Lee that!" The future looks brighter at those moments.
Sitting in my hotel room on an unusually bright and sunny day in Seattle I cheered as the news
reported the Portland judge was going to allow the marriages to continue. Funny, the Axis couldnt
prove that gays getting married was going to hurt anyone!
Forward to Wednesday, my wedding day! Yikes. It was a bit surreal. We had never believed it could
happen . WE learned that the number of folks getting married was down from 400 a day to about
100, so we decided NOT to go to the courthouse at 4 am. Thank goodness. When we got there at 645am
we were second in line. A couple of girls from Alabama had been there since 6:0. The office didnt open until 8. The line started to grow. People were friendly and nerveous. How does this work? what do we do? The Alabama girls had it all checked you. You fill the license out and pay for it, 60 dollars cash, then you go to the Halocene Bar, that had offered the space free, to have a minister marry you.
A wonderful group called Basic Rights Oregon, has been helping with the process all week. They
have volunteers help you fill out the form . NO MISTAKES or cross outs please. Dont scratch out
groom or bride! They had maps to the bar where you could take your vows. There are clergy volunteering their time to marry us. It was such a relief to have the help. Another side note. WE all wondered about the application because under the section for both groom and bride they had a box for sex. These forms have not been altered since 2002. If it was geared towards heterosexuals, why the sex box? Unless Heterosexuals like to play gender games and make the bride a male!
Anne and I started chatting with the men behind us. One was a UCC minister who had performed a ceremony last week for another UCC minister. She was coming that morning to return the favor for him. They needed one other witness and asked if we would oblige. OF COURSE!
Finally the doors opened and we were given our clip board and pen and sent to a table with a BRO
volunteer who helped us fill out the form. It took us three times to fill out the applications!
Anne spelled her middle name wrong. I put down the wrong name for my mother and I still had to
fix our address when we got to the counter.
Once through the line we went to witness the UCC minister's marriage. The minister of THAT
wedding offered to marry Anne and me as as well!. So on the steps of the courthouse,
on SE Hawethorne in Portland, Or. Anne and I wed. It was wonderful. WE have always tried to live by the motto that life is a whim. So this was a perfect marriage. On a busy street corner, in front of two gay men we knew nearly nothing about, the love of my life and I said I do with
tears of joy in our eyes. The girl giving out flowers and a coupon for free coffee clapped. And complete strangers passing by congratulated us. It was perfect!
And NOW were going to do it again. WE want to have a ceremony now for our family and friends who
have been sooooo amazingly supportive. So going from never having a wedding , to having TWO is
unbelievable.
We are both still amazed and grinning like fools. We never imagined this could happen for us and as Bill (the minister that got married 2 min before us) said. Weddings are an amazing day
and moment. You may think, no matter your theological bent, that its just another day but it isnt.
It is one we will never for get.
Well, there is our little piece of history. I am going to throw in a poem. You can never use
enough poetry and it is a love story after all.
Ps if you live in oregon please support the commisioners that made this happen and vote for them.
IF you dont live there, think about sending them a note of support and thanks. They are taking
a lot of scary harrasment and threatening phone calls for this very brave thing they are doing.
thanks
Edna st. vincent millay
Recuerdo We were very tired, we were very merry---
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry.
It was bare and bright, and smelled like a stable---
But we looked into a fire, we leaned across a table,
We lay on a hill-top underneath the moon;
And the whistles kept blowing and the dawn came soon. We were very tired, we were very merry---
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry;
And you ate an apple, and I ate a pear,
From a dozen of each we had bought somewhere;
And the sky went wan, and the wind came cold,
The sun rose dripping, a bucketful of gold.
We were very tired, we were very merry---
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry.
We hailed, "Good morrow, mother!" to a shawl-covered head,
And bought a morning paper, which neither of us read;
And she wept, "God bless you!" for the apples and pears,
And we gave her all our money but our subway fares.