From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
In A World Gone Mad, Listen to Your Elders
Like, say, Margaret and Helen:
I hear [Sarah Palin] is about to have her own television show on the Learning Channel. Do you think she will learn anything? And when exactly did the Learning Channel become the Learning Deficiency Channel? [...]
Before that jackass preacher down in Florida decided not to burn the Quran, Ms. Palin sent out a little one of those face tweeter things. She said she thought burning the Quran was as bad as building that mosque in Manhattan. Leave it to an idiot to denounce one form of religious intolerance by promoting another form of religious intolerance.
When exactly will common sense return to America? Just how far can the Republican Party---now called the Tea Party---throw the bullshit before someone calls them on it? You just have to pay attention to Sarah Palin for all of ten minutes before you realize just how deep it gets. And now this Christine O’Donnell has waded into the mess.
Margaret, it just makes me want to cry sometimes. But you know me. When faced with idiots and jackasses, I don’t cry. I bake a pie.
Oh, and tonight's featured drink is a request by Kossack LeftOfYou, who says:
"My favorite cocktail is whiskey and, uh, uh, OK I'm done. CHEERS to whiskey!"
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, October 1, 2010
Note: Attention---would the owner of the 67-ton M1 Abrams tank that crushed 30 cars in the parking lot and then blew a hole in Best Buy please return to your vehicle? You left your lights on. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the midterm elections: 32
Days `til the 63rd annual Warner Fall Foliage Festival in New Hampshire: 7
Percent of the rubble that's been cleared from the streets of Haiti since the earthquake in January: 2
(Source: Time)
Maximum length of the Black Racer, the largest snake found in Maine: 6 feet
(Source: The Portland Presssssss Herald)
Wasilla mayoral candidate Levi Johnston's Approval/Disapproval rating in Alaska: 6% / 72%
(Source: PPP poll)
Composition of the average fart: 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane and 4% oxygen.
Percent of a fart's composition that causes the stink: 1%
(Source: MSNBC)
And from the Department of Homeland Security:
Days the color-coded federal terror alert system has been in place: 3,125
Days spent at terror alert level Blue or Green: 0
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Guess which month is Adopt-A-Shelter-Dog Month? Ohhh...you're so smaht.
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CHEERS to October. Busy month! Fall kicks into high gear for leaf-peepers and cider-lovers; midterm campaigning reaches a fever pitch; we get to re-open the "Columbus was a hero/Columbus was a genocidal maniac" debate; United Nations Day is the 24th (Did Gaddhafi ever finish that speech he started last year?); Daylight saving time for European Union countries ends on the 31st; and a High Holy Day for gays (and, according to unsubstantiated rumors, small children)---Halloween---looms large. This year I'm dressing up as the scariest person I know of to make old and young alike quake in their knee socks: Speaker of the House John Boehner.
CHEERS to a gathering of total hotties. Going to the One Nation Working Together rally tomorrow? If so, be sure to thank the weather gods for granting you sunny skies and 70'ish temps. Everything you need to know, including exclusive marching tips, is here in Wednesday's C&J, and lordy lordy look who finally noticed: The Washington Frickin' Post:
The One Nation Working Together march is the culmination of months of planning begun by civil rights organizations and labor unions. In recent weeks, more than 400 supporting groups have signed on to the rally, which is to span four hours and feature speeches, poetry and musical entertainment. ...
Many of the groups involved in Saturday's event are stepping outside their usual parameters. Socially conservative African American church groups have signed on to a march that supports equality for gays and lesbians. A miners union has endorsed the rally along with environmental groups.
All we need to blow the doors off Glenn Beck's August snoozer is 87,001 people. To make it easier for the estimators, please march in two rows of 43,500½. Thx!
CHEERS (and blessings on your camels) to James Earl Carter. Happy 86th birthday to #39. He was stubborn---and too much of a micromanager---during his White House years (plus the hostage crisis and canceling the Olympics didn't help him). But his post-presidency warrants every accolade we can throw his way, especially his swipes at George W. Nincompoop. And did you know this?
Willie Nelson once performed at the Carter White House, after which he enjoyed the first family's hospitality by staying over. That night, the country crooner climbed up on the roof, took in a little stargazing, and---while marveling at the way in which the city's streets converged on the executive mansion---lit up what he called a "fat Austin torpedo." Security agents were nowhere to be found. As Nelson insightfully recalled after the experience, "The roof of the White House is the safest place I can think of to smoke dope."
---From Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O'Brien
He got a swell present today (in addition to his 86% discount at Denny's): a clean bill of health and discharge from the hospital. But, really...rappelling down the side to make his getaway was a bit show-offy.
CHEERS and JEERS to moolah matters. I admit I don’t know a portfolio thingamabob or a fiduciary whirligig from a hole in the ground, so I rely on headlines to keep me just informed enough on how things are going economically to keep my head from exploding. Here's a few from this week---as usual, there are some green shoots but also plenty of brown weeds:
Household income down again
Fewer businesses expect sales growth as consumer confidence hits its lowest point since February
Officials disagree on next step to boost economy
Medicaid costs to wreck state budgets
Nearly one in four home sales a foreclosure
Thousands [in Maine] see food stamps cut
Stocks post best September in 71 years
Jobless rate drops in nearly two-thirds of U.S. metro areas...
...but overall unemployment edges up
TARP bailout to cost less than expected
AIG on path to independence
And then there's this: a new report showing that Obama's stimulus package---so reviled by Republicans as being ineffective, over budget and fraud-riddled---is "on time and under budget---and with strikingly few claims of fraud or abuse." Not that facts would ever get in their way, but still...Nyah Nyah Nyah, assholes!
CHEERS to fresh faces. That guy---I forget his name, but I believe he's the one who called us "fucking retarded" a while back---is out as the White House chief of staff. And the new guy (for now) is...
[Pete] Rouse...a calm, trusted senior adviser to Obama who has spent much of his career as a chief of staff in the Senate. "There is a saying around the White House: `Let's let Pete fix it,'" Obama said. "And he does." ...
Obama described him as never seeing a television camera or a microphone that he liked---unlike the boisterous Emanuel. The differences were even apparent on stage---Rahm with his trademark hands on hips, Rouse still and stoic.
Fun facts: Rouse went to Colby College in Maine. He loves pooties. And he's a "lifelong bachelor." What's not to like???
JEERS to careless cooking. The group "Kids and Cars" says that a record number of children---48---baked to death in hot cars this summer. Y'know, we have safety features for everything in our vehicles---for when your seatbelt isn’t fastened, your trunk is open, you're about to back into the car behind you, your lights are on, your oil needs changed. I'm no fan of excessive regulation, but we really need a new feature on vehicles for this situation. It'd be a simple device whereby a pleasant, soothing voice says, "Excuse me...do you put your children in the microwave? Then TAKE 'EM OUTTA THE DAMN CAR, YOU IDIOT!" (I'm thinking Betty White would be perfect.)
P.S. Meanwhile, which child-safety story is getting five times more coverage than the above story, even though the products in question have resulted in ten injuries as opposed to 48 deaths in cars? The Fisher-Price recall. Fascinating.
CHEERS to portraits in contrast. Forty three years ago tomorrow, on Oct. 2nd, 1967, Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the newest member of the Supreme Court---the first African-American elevated to the nation's highest bench. He once said:
"Today's Constitution is a realistic document of freedom only because of several corrective amendments. Those amendments speak to a sense of decency and fairness that I and other Blacks cherish."
Today there's an African-American on the bench named Clarence Thomas. He once said, "How did this pubic hair get on my Coke can?" Potato Puhtato.
P.S. Let us not forget that, during Elena Kagan's confirmation hearings, Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee vilified Justice Marshall to try and score cheap political points. Then again, do they ever try to score any other kind?
CHEERS to home vegetation. Before I get to what's on the weekend viewing schedule let me just say: Bill "Ostrich" Maher really fucked up last Friday by not at least mentioning guest Andrew Breitbart's summer smear job on Shirley Sherrod. Must be nice to get a free pass like that from a pundit who makes his living calling out skullduggery of the sort Breitbart wallows in. I don’t know what you got in return, Mr. Maher, but I hope your penis enjoyed it. We'll see if he does better tonight on Real Time with Joe Klein, Norah O'Donnell, Cornel West, Arianna Huffington and---whee!---David Cross.
New DVD releases include Iron Man 2, Get Him to the Greek, and the original King Kong on Blu-ray (with commentary by stop-motion genius Ray Harryhausen). Saturday Night Live, which began airing during the Polk administration, continues its new season with host Bryan Cranston. On 60 Minutes: the challenges for Iraq after we get out and a profile of Gulf-coast relief-fund doler-outter Ken Feinberg. And, if you can stand the excitement, here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Thanks to Ryder Cup coverage, David Gregory gets the day off. He'll spend the morning shuffling around the house in his Tim Russert slippers and making John McCain- and Newt Gingrich-shaped pancakes for the kids.
This Week: Christiane Amanpour hosts a special town hall meeting called, Holy War: Should Americans Fear Islam? (SPOILER ALERT! No.) C&J assumes it will be followed by town hall meetings called Holy War: Should Americans Fear Christianity?, Holy War: Should Americans Fear Mormonism?, Holy War: Should Americans Fear Hinduism? and Holy War: Should Americans Fear Scientology? There's absolutely no need, however, for a town hall meeting called Holy War: Should Americans Fear Agnostics and Atheists? because, let's face it---questioners and non-believers are just cuddly fuzzy-wuzzies.
Face the Nation: Last week Bob Schieffer had a Republican-only show. Now it's the Democrats' turn: Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, and Senator Bernie Sanders of the Pantheon of the Gods.
The McLaughlin Group: I have stopped supporting this program. I fail to see the value in watching four conservatives gang up on one 70 year-old liberal (Eleanor Clift) every week, no matter how efficiently she cuts 'em to ribbons.
Washington Week: Gwen Ifill talks about the political climate in America with Jeff Zeleny of The New York Times, CNN's Gloria Borger, Susan Davis of National Journal, and Christi Parsons of the Chicago Tribune. (Hint: it's a bit chilly.)
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: It's not often you get to see a Democrat wipe the floor with a Republican's face on Fox, but that's what's gonna happen Sunday when steel-jawed crime fighter Jack Conway faces glass-jawed fringe-dweller Rand Paul in a Kentucky Senate-race showdown. The drinking game: take a swig of mimosa every time Rand Paul claims he was taken out of context.
Happy viewing!
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Five years ago in C&J: October 1, 2005
JEERS to takebacks. General George Casey then: U.S. troop withdrawal from Iraq in 2006 will be "fairly substantial." General George Casey now: "I think right now we're in a period of a little greater uncertainty than when I was asked that question back in July and March." Translation: We ain't goin' nowhere. Memo to World War II vets: start patchin' up those holes in your old uniforms---we may need ya again.
CHEERS and JEERS to Round 2. A federal judge has ordered the release of 87 more photos and 4 videotapes of prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib. Says Judge Alvin Hellerstein: "My task is not to defer to our worst fears, but to interpret and apply the law, in this case, the Freedom of Information Act, which advances values important to our society, transparency and accountability in government." True...but we're not looking forward to seeing more of what's been done behind the prison walls in our name. (Hint: it ain't hopscotch.)
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And just one more...
CHEERS to curbside snark. Gerald Weinand at Dirigo Blue ("Spud1" here at DKos, who got some well-deserved national press this week for posting Maine Republican gooberernatorial candidate Paul LePage's little "Obama can go to hell" outburst), alerted us to "The I-75 Project." It's a series of "unauthorized" roadside historical markers by Norm Magnusson that make some strong societal statements, like...
ON THIS SITE STOOD
Jane King, Whose White
Male Coworkers Earn
33% More Than She Does
For Doing The Same Job
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ON THIS SITE STOOD
Matt Lucash, A Christian
For Whom Preventing Gay
Marriage Is More Important
Than Feeding The Poor
Ouch. And good! See more here. I'm hoping to put one up in my yard on November 3rd that says, "On This Site Whooped BiPM When Republicans Failed to Take the House." It'll blink!
Have a lovely October weekend. But for everyone's sake please try to avoid drunk photoshopping. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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