I am tired. Like everyone else there is a million other places I now want to be. I've been here before. It helps to try and trick your mind into convincing yourself that here is where you want to be and its really not that "bad." The human mind and body can adapt to anything. I can tolerate anything for one year. I am tired of looking at these faces. The same faces day after day. There are sides to just about everyone that really ought to be kept in a "closet." Somethings about a person you really don't want to know, or need to know. I have a one year old son. I should try and be more positive.
I walked home after working four hours extra. I think "they" were just trying to teach me a lesson. I truly just wanted to soak in all of the dust and the mighty fine gravel stones on my 3.6 mile trek back to the crib. To amuse myself I wore my body armor. I feel like I went swimming with my clothes on and it is a great feeling. No, I didn't want a ride. A ride would have prohibited me from enjoying the wonderful dust, dirt, and gravel stones. They truly are some of the most magnificent things you could see in all of your life.
Gossiping Chaplains-
A while back I sat at the lunch table next to some chaplains and I eavesdropped in on their conversations. Phrases like "2 suicides in 8 days" drifted out into the open. Contemptous replies like "Poor young people just didn't understand about the temporary nature of this problem" sounded back. One chaplain remarked to another: "I feel like I've lost a year of my life and I won't get it back." The chaplain was about 30 years old. I am sitting and eating my lunch in silence. I am not supposed to be listening. I am Thinking. I am always thinking. Totality. In order to kill yourself you truly must think that there is no other possible way out of a mess. The Army embraces Totality. Total control. Can I see someone thinking this? So now I feel like I've lost a year of my life. I suppose it could be worse. I could be dead. I wonder how many people these chaplains counseled who later ended up as a part of a permanent solution? I am suddenly no longer hungry. The chaplains struck me as well...to put it in a single word: "Helpless." Helpless to actually help the situation. There there now, everything will be alright.
The Funny Farm-
Is not very funny and makes me sick looking at these fellows who attend its wonderful meetings. I know a Joe who once tried to bail and jump ship. Suicide, the whole works. He seemed to say just the right words with a measured purpose. He is still here. He seems to be a bit like the teflon Joe. He wrote his congress man. He is still here. He allegedly tried all the tricks. He is still here. There is no escape. One year and no way out but waking up 365 days later. I have remarked in private to my brother John that it would be beneficial to reduce the tour length to six or seven months. You can look at his website at http://www.john06.com He is the guy running against Denny Hastert. The Army has gotten back on that issue and the answer is a resounding we don't have the bodies.
No Chaplain
No Funny Farm
No Congressman
...So where does a Joe over here go? A friend of mine declared the situation to be a bit like Catch 22. I finally watched the film and I agree.
Captured from the funny farm-
The misuse of the word "puppy." I am not referring to dogs. It is a lexicon that is derived from the work of Dave Grossman. His website can be found here: http://www.killology.com
I don't know the depth of this man's work, but I do believe there is smoke and fire in it. It conjures up past statements from people that declared Fallujah to be "just like Halo." So who makes this game? Why is it marketed in the Army so widely? What will be the end game?
Nightwatch-
Falls like a tranquil dream. Every night I am next to these reeds. I remember seeing reeds like this on television back in 2003 when I was in the states. Iraqi's dragged reporters out to an area near baghdad and shot up these reeds. These reeds grow everywhere near the rivers and canals.
The Mortars-
Have stopped falling for now. I saw a notice in the paper that we killed a mortar cell. No more mortars, no more mortar cell, I think you can put two and two together.
The sound of gunfire-
seems to be an essential component to Iraqi democracy. I sorely missed shooting an automatic weapon at my own wedding. But then again my mother-in-law with her shotgun probably would have fired back.
The insurgents-
Someday soon they will ummm....quit surging and go get some real jobs. Perhaps the Mormons have some work they could do?
Insomnia-
Is everywhere. Every post I go to I see people having trouble sleeping. I am told that the five hours I average is normal and it will have no ill effects.
Until then its time for bed