There are SO MANY burning questions on our minds as we prepare to settle down with a bowl of hardened, crispy fat-bearing chips and a whole bunch of cranky old white men who want to be our dictator.

Will the remote operators of the MittWig (TM) be able to provoke a silky and lifelike semblance of motion from that lovely but immovable mane?

Will Huckabee's wife reveal herself as the weird-looking Woman Exploding Disguise Mask that Arnold Schwarzenegger's character wore to try to get past the checkpoint in "Total Recall?"  ("Two weeks.  Twwwoooo weeeeeeks.")

Will Judi Nathan call up in the middle of everything to report that she is in the love nest overlooking Ground Zero and is pinin' for some hot talk from Daddy?

Will John McCain whip out that awful New Hampshire speech and hold everyone hostage with a desperate threat to READ IT AGAIN UNLESS THEY ALL SHUT UP???