The following parody news story appeared seven years ago today. It was published and distributed by Yossarian Universal News Service (YU), the world’s first satiric news syndicate founded in 1980.

YU News Dispatch 037
Yossarian Universal News Service 081801
3:01:30:05 PM PST
START

WORLDWIDE POLL SHOWS MANY BELIEVE BUSH TO BE MISSING GREY MATTER
Pretend President Disputes Data And Tries To Cut Down Giant Sequoia With Plastic Spoon

Paris (YU) --A new joint survey released today, conducted by the International Herald Tribune and Yossarian Universal News Service, found that a majority of the world's citizens who were polled earlier
this month regarding their opinion of Presidential Pretender George W. Bush, overwhelmingly chose the word "lunkhead" when asked to pick a word that best described him.
        The survey of about 1,000 people in each country is the first of its kind to measure the attitudes of the international community toward an American leader.

Note: Links to news accounts of Bush’s 2006 South American land grab follow this story.

Ok, we all know the story: for obscure reasons, George W. Bush buys nearly 100,000 acres of land in Paraguay. But, is it true? And, if it is, does the soon-to-be former POTUS plan to retire in the impoverished but natural resource-rich, South American country?

Whether it’s true or not, there are some upsides for Bush in moving to Paraguay.

• I hear the weather’s pretty good.
• Comparably, land is much cheaper in South America.
• Paraguay has no extradition treaty with the United States, definitely an incentive for someone trying to run away from accountability. (which we all know is our frat-boy-in-chief’s modus operandi)
• Bush does speak at least enough Spanish to effectively fake it south of the border.

But, is it indeed true?

Well, if the following news story is any indication -- when Bush finally does say adios to the American people -- he’ll indeed be saying saludo to the Paraguayans.

Just to give you an idea of what the rest of the world is thinking:

The International Herald Tribune today endorsed Senator Hillary Clinton as the Democratic Party candidate for President. Printed at 33 sites across the world, and sold in more than 180 countries, the International Herald Tribune has over 240,000 readers.  

Here are some of the reasons they backed Clinton:

(Update at bottom)

As a writer and avid reader, this really hits home with me. As if our daily lives haven’t been oppressed enough lately, the Bush regime has tried to do the unthinkable; [how many times we'll probably never know, exactly] what they said they would never do – except perhaps in the most extreme of exigent circumstances – subpoenaing libraries for the books we read.

Shades of Hitler's Germany -- circa 1939?

Newly unsealed court documents reveal that United States prosecutors have decided to withdraw a subpoena that sought the identities of thousands of Amazon.com Inc. customers. The abrupt withdrawal came soon after a judge ruled that customers indeed have a right to keep their reading habits from the government.

There’s been a whole slew of stories coming out of Iraq in the past four-years about American troops conducting armed raids and unprovoked attacks on various independent media outlets. If even half of them are true -- from television stations to satellite radio stations to internet websites -- reporters seem to be faced with the threat of violence from all sides.

The latest story comes from Baghdad; an armed raid purportedly conducted by American soldiers on the Baghdad offices of the Iraqi Syndicate of Journalists The unprovoked raid was condemned as "... outrageous and inexcusable" by the International Federation of Journalists.

More below: