The following parody news story appeared seven years ago today. It was published and distributed by Yossarian Universal News Service (YU), the world’s first satiric news syndicate founded in 1980.

YU News Dispatch 030
Yossarian Universal News Service 062901
3:04:16:02 PM PST
START

KATHERINE HARRIS HOPES TO BE FIRST WOMAN TOON ELECTED TO CONGRESS
Awound The Wough And Wugged Wocks The Wagged Wascal Wudely Wan

Miami (YU) -- Katherine Harris, Florida's comic Secretary of State who was recently listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for being named in the punch line to more jokes over a six-month period than any other person in the history of the world, announced her intention today to run for Congress.

Bruisedmuse on the HBO film, "Recount" and some thoughts on Doublethink

We know you can't wait for the upcoming HBO film on the 2000 Bush-Gore finish, aptly titled Recount, but here's a preview - coming in The New York Times Magazine this Sunday.

Director Jay Roach (previously known for Meet the Parents and Austin Powers films) says Democrats who hear about the film "always" ask him, "Can't you change the ending?"

Despite his prankish film background,  he says Recount is "not a comedy at all" and does not feature any new catch-phrases such as "yeah, baby, yeah."

Dear fellow progressives:
May I please have a moment of your time to tell you about an exciting Congressional race in Florida?

I'm Faye Armitage in Fruit Cove, FL, and I'm running to represent Florida's 7th Congressional District, which stretches in six counties, from the Jacksonville/Duval County line to Orlando. I've already driven some 18,000 miles and worn out two pairs of shoes getting nearly 6,000 petitions signed, meeting voters who tell me they're ready for change, from City Hall to the White House to Congress.

Republicans thought they had successfully  gerrymandered Florida's Seventh Congrssional District, but Charlie Cook's rating and other campaign polls show a Democrat can win here, which would also help the entire Democratic ticket in Northeast Florida.

NEAR EARTH NEWSWIRE - LANSING - Citing what state officials view as disenfranchisement executed by the presidential campaign of Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., the states of Michigan and Florida seceded from the union Thursday, declaring themselves part the independent nation "Clintonia."

In a stunning political development this evening according to the Associated Press, the Florida Supreme Court has intervened in the Florida Republican Primary and declared George W. Bush the winner over Mitt Romney, John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, and Mike Huckabee.

Senator John McCain, ever the patriot and loyal soldier, had this response

I knew in my heart of hearts that I'd never be able to win in a state full of geezers.  Even so, I'm delighted that the prize deservedly went to President Bush.  In anticipation of this development, I hopped on a plane to Washington, DC and personally congratulated the President. The voters of Florida have chosen wisely.

The desperation at tonight's Fox News Republican Presidential Debate was palpable - and pathetic.

One might think that a candidate for President would, at the very least, occasionally mention the current officeholder, especially when he hails from the same party. Not tonight.

Why Draft Kitty?

Are you unsatisfied with the current field of Republican candidates?

Are you frustrated because they just don’t have what it takes to be a REAL Republican?

Are you frightened that the Democrats will take back the White House?

Are you worried that caring about children, promoting education, lowering insurance rates, tax cuts for the middle class and bringing our troops home from Iraq might actually become White House priorities?

Then the only candidate for you is Katherine Harris.

Seems some Dems in Florida decided to have a little fun with Kitty H.  

Decided to see the Mad Kat Woman of Florida had the props to make a bid for the Big Job.

See this link.

I've always wondered when this flake was going to through her sunhat into the ring.  She's got the Repub fanatic frozen stare and grin just so down!

Enjoy!

BTW, the site has some great info on the rest of the republican front runners, disputing their wild claims and such, as well as some great pics.

Bob Herbert had a column in the New York Times September 25 that by all rights deserved strong mainstream media attention based on the importance of its subject matter.

The Don Imus and Bill O’Reilly controversies paled into comparative insignificance next to what Republicans are doing to African Americans seeking the basic right of congressional representation in the seat of the nation’s federal government, Washington, D.C.

Despite all the bold talk by leading Republican Party operatives that the party seeks to reach out to everyone including minorities, this claim has once more been reduced to hypocritical posturing due to the point Herbert made that is receiving so little comment within the mainstream media.  

For approximately a year prior to his brother's 2000 Presidential Election, Florida Governor Jeb Bush and Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris spent five-million Florida taxpayer dollars to purchase a phoney felons voter purge list from DBT Technologies/Choicepoint Software.

SFGate sends off the Turdblossom in style:

You lift your head from the hardscrabble tumult of your cosmic computations and look around, maybe read the papers and take in the recent headlines and suddenly it hits you like a dominatrix spanks her evangelical preacher in the hot fetish dungeon of cosmic irony: The stuff you've done? That horrible little army of things you think are so dire and awful and mean? Child's play. Trifles[...]

Because now perhaps you are reading up on the rise and fall and much-desirable end of this one particular man, this dank, sweaty, adipose embodiment of a sad political caricature, this shockingly powerful force of darkness and cruelty and pure, unfiltered iniquity known to the world as Karl Rove.

And somehow, looking at him, seeing the glistening, pallid face of true contempt as he finally, blessedly exits the main political stage, you feel better. Much, much better. In fact, somehow you feel like falling to your knees and offering sincere thanks, hot heaps of glorious gratitude to the gods of fate and time and love that you are not Karl Rove.

Cheers and Jeers, etc.,etc...(Swooosh!) (gong!)

She's back!

Our favorite enabler of emergent fascism in America, world traveler and clueless millionaire Kathy Harris has decided the time is right for her triumphal return to the politcal scene, following a humiliating run for the Florida Senate in 2006 that saw her own party refusing to support her. And after all she did for them too.

Katherine Harris Still Sucks or Why I Couldn't Eat My Lunch

Just so we’re all on the same page, y’all remember Kate, right?

Refresher:
Secretary of State of Florida during the 2000 (s)election
Congresswoman of Florida's 13th District
Boobies
Practically laughed out of the 2006 Florida Senate race
Shares make up tips with Tammy Faye
This quote "...if you’re not electing Christians then in essence you are going to legislate sin".

It’s all coming back to you now, hu?

Great.

Well, beautiful, talented, opossum loving Katherine Harris ruined my lunch today.  My $7 Thai chicken salad with peanut sauce lunch no less.

Keep your lunch down as we venture over the flip...  

I am posting images that can be used by anyone to illustrate blog entries about the people depicted. This is an ongoing project. You can find all the images at my Photobucket site. It is my hope that people will use them to illustrate blog posts and comments.

I will be glad to consider any requests.

The Sam Seder Show is re-emerging on Air America on May 20. Check out the blog. Sam promises to continue to have Sen. Katherine Harris as a guest on the show.

Paul Wolfowitz & Ann Coulter below the fold:

Let me take you back for to 2001.  There was an election controversy.  On August 8, 2001 the NYTimes ran this headline:

Data Permanently Erased From Florida Computers

Yes, that's 2001 not 2007, and it says "Permanently Erased."  If the RNC did it again, there are several ways to do it.  First, let's reminisce about the old times, and the deletion of data from the computers under the control of a RNC operative by the name of Katherine Harris.

Get ready to stretch your imaginations, but not beyond the bounds of the plausible.  Just what was going on in 2004 that had Rove at the vortex AND has connections to the Department of Justice firings?

A scandalicious love-of-money-and-power quadrilateral polygon that bears the stamps of stolen elections, money laudering, influence peddling, and good old-fashioned bribery involving people you love to hate.  Some (Jack Abramoff, Brent Wilkes, and Kyle Foggo) have to be left out, otherwise this diary would be a saga a la Thomas Mann's Buddenbrooks, The Decline of a Family.

It all begins when. . .

Remember the 2000 election in Florida, where Bush supposedly won by a few hundred votes in an extremely close election?

Well, it may not have been so close if Katherine Harris hadn't taken the precaution of purging thousands or predominantly minority voters in 67 counties under the guise or purging 'felons' from the voter rolls.

As it turned out, this purge was highly inaccurate, taking many who were perfectly eligible to vote off of the rolls.

And, as such was seen as a grave violation of these voters' civil rights by the United States Commission on Civil Rights who issued a series of remedies to the problem.

How does this connect with USAGate?  Well, let's read the recommendations: