Posting History for real satire
|Strip the Part-Time Congress of Employer Provided Health Insurance [Petition]
Click here to sign: Strip the Part-Time Congress of Employer Provided Health Insurance (Petition) The following letter to Congress is attached to the petition: To: The U.S. House of ...
|Iran Sends Delegation to Assist Florida Election Officials
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today announced that he has dispatched a team of election officials to Florida to assist officials there in tabulating the results of Tuesday’s Presidential ...
|BREAKING: ROMNEY WINS OHIO
Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted announced early this afternoon that he has certified the final vote tally from tomorrow’s Presidential election and that former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney is ...
|BREAKING: Rising GOP Star Commits Political Suicide
from The Desperate Blogger House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R-WI) has sadly taken his own very promising political life by agreeing to accept former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney’s ...
|Romney Campaign Vetting Chase for VP Slot
Sources familiar with the vice presidential vetting process for former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney’s ill-fated 2012 presidential campaign have confirmed that long-time Romney associate J.P ...
|Romney in Israel: “Governments Should Spend Like Jews”
A mere 48 hours after impressing London residents in a manner unmatched by a foreign dignitary since renowned German aerospace engineer Wernher von Braun shared with them his love of rocketry some ...
|BREAKING: Romney Selects Florida’s West as Running Mate
Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney stunned the political establishment and left pundits scrambling for their notes this morning when he announced his choice of ...
|Romney Signs Lucrative Endorsement Deal
Spectrum Brands, makers of the George Foreman Grill®, announced yesterday that they have reached an agreement in principle with former Massachusetts governor and current GOP Presidential front-...
|Jesus Arrested after Capitol Melee
What started out as an historic address by the most prominent religious leader ever to stand before a joint session of Congress descended into chaos yesterday as a visibly irate Jesus Christ, ...
|Jesus to Address Joint Session of Congress
Jesus Christ, the renowned Jewish philosopher and religious scholar viewed by many as their Lord and Savior, will address a nationally televised joint session of the United States Congress this ...
|GOP Voting Measures Anger Women's Groups
Bills currently being considered in 13 state legislatures have several women’s rights groups and prominent civil rights advocates accusing Republicans of attempting to disenfranchise the nation’...
|EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Rush Limbaugh's Radical Roots
In a Desperate Blogger exclusive, we reveal the video that by their very own admission, friends of Rush Limbaugh have been keeping under lock and key. The existence of this footage has been the ...
|Goldman Sachs Chairman Honors Smith, Introduces New Investment Vehicle
Responding to fallout from a New York Times op-ed piece in which outgoing director Greg Smith described the firm’s environment as “toxic and destructive,” Goldman Sachs chairman Lloyd ...
|RNC to Suspend Presidential Primaries, Introduce New Logo
A visibly haggard Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus emerged from a closed-door emergency meeting of the RNC’s Executive Council this afternoon and announced to the crowd ...
|Romney Campaign Pivots to 'National Home State' Strategy
In a major shift which may come too late to impact next week’s ‘Super Tuesday’ primaries, Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney’s campaign today unveiled the latest strategy which they ...
|Romney Calls for Deportation of Gays, Women Who Use Contraception
In a move described by Republican strategists as “going all in” in his effort to grab the conservative mantle from his opponents, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney today took a hard-line ...
|Syria’s Assad to Step Down, Launch Belated GOP Bid
In a stunning move that rocked the political world from Nome to Homs, Bashar al-Assad announced earlier today that he will be stepping down as President of Syria and will immediately focus his full ...
|GOP Hopefuls Release Partial Campaign Playlists
February 11th, 2012 http://www.TheDesperateBlogger.com Scrambling to avoid being outflanked by the Obama campaign — which on Friday released a list of 29 songs to be played at the incumbent ...
|EXCLUSIVE: Bain Capital to Acquire Restore Our Future
January 24th, 2012 According to papers filed late Monday with the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Federal Election Commission, Bain Capital, the Wall Street investment firm once headed ...
|New Facebook Page: Write-in Your Vote for 'Cheetah' in GOP Primaries
Pay tribute to Cheetah, who passed away on Dec. 24, 2011 without ever receiving his well-deserved Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and let the GOP know our country deserves a candidate who would ...
|BREAKING: Boehner, Cantor in Standoff with Capitol Police
Unconfirmed reports indicate that Capitol police have called for a hostage negotiator to respond to an ongoing situation in the Capitol building in which House Speaker John Boehner and Majority ...
|Gingrich Introduces Jury Reform Plan
GOP presidential front-runner Newt Gingrich today unveiled his plan to reform the nation’s juries, the second — and what he describes as “most crucial” — step to rein in what he views as ...
|1%er Talking Points: Holiday & Pre-Primary Edition
Happy Holidays – just kidding… Merry Christmas to all of our subscribers! We at 1%er Talking Points hope you spend your end-of-year bonuses in good health as we all look forward to another year ...
|Scores of Protestors Sickened by Godfather’s Pizza
New York (DBI) – As if their depiction by GOP Presidential hopeful Herman Cain wasn’t already hard enough to swallow, scores of ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors were rushed to area hospitals ...
|Qadafi Wins Nobel Peace Prize
The most wanted man in Libya is now wanted in Stockholm, but for a very different reason. Moammar Qadafi has won the 2011Nobel Peace Prize. Citing his official renunciation of terrorism beyond his ...
|Florida Fallout: Perry, Romney Withdraw from GOP Race
With just 406 days remaining until the 2012 Presidential election, the Republican nominating process moved inexorably toward its conclusion today as former front-runners Rick Perry and Mitt Romney ...
|Ahmadinejad Resigns Iranian Presidency, Launches GOP Bid
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today continued his tradition of stunning the international community during his annual appearances before the United Nations General Assembly – and most ...
|Trump Tea-Party Dinner Series Continues with Bachmanns
Following his much ballyhooed dinner date with GOP front runner Rick Perry, Donald Trump wasted no time before his next high level tea party dinner powwow. But when The Donald dined with tea party ...
|Giuliani Filing May Signal 2012 Presidential Bid
Former New York City Mayor and 2008 Republican presidential hopeful Rudolph W. Giuliani’s announcement that he has filed the necessary papers to officially change his name represents a clear sign ...
|GOP Debates Losing Relevance as Draft Andwich Movement Grows
While eight 2012 Republican Presidential hopefuls prepare to take the stage Wednesday night at the Ronald Reagan Library in Simi Valley, California and an anxious 24/7 cable and Internet news ...
|EXCLUSIVE: Palin Endorses Rick Perry
Under the most bizarre of circumstances, Sarah Palin announced this morning that she has decided to endorse Texas Governor Rick Perry for President in the 2012 elections. In a moment described by a ...
|Romney: SHARIA Will Create ‘Jobs Mecca’ in U.S.
Speaking at a press conference on the grounds of his La Jolla, California vacation compound, former 2012 GOP presidential front-runner Mitt Romney today ‘broke ground’ on his proposed jobs ...
|Cantor Strikes Deal on Cuts to Allow Emergency Spending
No Virginia, there is no Santa Claus. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor prides himself on being consistent. Before all of the missing had been found earlier this year after a category five tornado ...
|BREAKING: Markets Rally as Earthquake Rocks DC Area
A morning rally on Wall Street appeared to gain momentum after a 5.9 magnitude earthquake centered outside Washington shook buildings and frayed nerves up and down the Northeast Corridor. At 2:45 ...
|Meet The Lone Danger: An Exclusive Q & A with Rick Perry
Editors Note: While a request to the Perry campaign for an interview was denied citing scheduling conflicts, Gov. Perry was gracious enough to consent to the brief ‘get acquainted’ written Q &
|Country Divided Over Congressional Recess
Should Congress continue as normal with its summer recess, or return to Washington to work on the myriad of crises facing the country? It appears that the people are as divided on this issue as ...
|Wall Street Analysts Initiate Coverage of Tea Party
In the wake of last Friday’s Standard & Poor’s downgrade of the United States’ long-term debt — which focused in large part on the effect that the nation’s political climate may have on ...
|An Open Letter to Our Valued Clients
July 28, 2011 From: Sales/Customer Service Depts. Main Office Building East Capitol Street, NE and 1st Street, NE Washington, DC 20002 To: Our Valued Clients (Various Locations) Re: ...
| Desperate Blogger Surprise Winner of Prestigious ‘Bippy’ Award
London, England (DBI) – The British International Press Association (BIPA) announced today that its Executive Board has chosen obscure upstart The Desperate Blogger as this year’s recipient of ...
|Seeking Compromise, Boehner Proposes Gay Tax
Calling it “an effort to find middle ground” with Democrats and the President, House Speaker John Boehner today broke with the majority of his party and stated his willingness to support one ...
|Congressional Panel to Study Proposed ‘News Corp/NSA Merger’
Beltway insiders expect the heat level in the lingering debate over privatization of government programs to reach unprecedented heights later this week when the Oversight Subcommittee of the House ...
|Yankees Give Loyal Fan Huge Tax Problem
Christian Lopez was one of over 48,000 fans who entered Yankee Stadium yesterday hoping to witness history in the making. Several hours later, the young cell phone salesman who many were hailing as ...
|CNN Set to Compromise Reputation for Ratings
Less than 24 hours after canceling former New York governor Eliot Spitzer’s prime time talk show, ‘In the Arena’, CNN today announced the latest addition to its lineup – and at the same time ...
|Bungled Burglary May Signal Shift in GOP Tax Policy
SATIRE from & working links @ http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/07/bungled-burglary... / Two weeks ago, it seemed like a routine crime. On the evening of June 17, an alert security guard ...
|Pawlenty Hospitalized After Accidental Burial
Republican 2012 Presidential hopeful Tim Pawlenty remains hospitalized after accidentally being buried alive following a graveside memorial service he attended this morning. According to Newton ...
|McCain: “O’Leary’s Cow Entered Chicago Illegally”
http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/06/mccain-%E2%80%9Co%E2%80%99leary%E2%80%99s-cow-entered-chicago-illegally%E2%80%9D/ Just one day after suggesting that illegal immigrants were responsible for ...
|Fraud Allegations Taint al-Zawahiri Victory
from http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/06/fraud-allegations-taint-al-zawahiri-victory/ ABBOTABAD, PAKISTAN (DBI) – Ayman al-Zawahiri is drawing fire, but not from U.S. Navy SEALS. Shortly ...
|Palin Lashes Out Against ‘Grammatical Elites’
Satire from: http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/06/palin-lashes-out-against-grammatical-elites/ ...
|AN OPEN LETTER TO MY CREDITORS
http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/06/an-open-letter-to-my-creditors/ Dear Creditors: This is to inform you that as of August 2, 2011, I will be temporarily suspending all payments on my current ...
|Strauss-Kahn Calls New Townhouse ‘A Total Babe Magnet’
From The Desperate Blogger It isn’t exactly a jail away from jail… ...
|GOP Proposal Would Repeal Drunk Driving Laws
from http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/05/gop-proposal-wou... / Claiming the mantle of 'The Party of Personal Responsibility' and in an effort to correct what they characterize as 'senseless ...
|Jesus Confirms World Ended Saturday
From The Desperate Blogger Appearing at a poolside press conference at the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel and ...
|Pawlenty Announcement to Kick-Off TheTribulation
from http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/05/paw... / So much for ‘boring’. Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty may make the biggest splash of any of the 2012 GOP candidates when he jumps ...
|Santorum Campaign Braces for ‘Enhanced Backlash’
By DB, on May 18th, 2011 Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum’s bid to become the first anally conceived Presidential candidate on a major party ticket hit its 47th major roadblock yesterday ...
|BREAKING: Trump Calls on Obama to Produce Bin Laden's Long Form Death Certificate
from The Desperate Blogger Speaking at a hastily called press ...
|Boehner Proposes Human-Backed Currency
The Desperate Blogger Arguing that the impending Congressional battle over the national debt ceiling ...
|Study: Current GOP Base Closely Resembles Nation’s Forefathers
A recent study conducted by a blue-ribbon panel comprised of the country’s top historians, sociologists, anthropologists, psychologists, numismatists, philatelists, clergy, astrologers, and pole-...
|Satan Calls for Nuclear Power Ban
From The Desperate Blogger Topeka, Kansas (TDB) — Addressing reporters at a hastily called press ...
|Wisconsin Senate Votes to Reinstitute Slavery
From The Desperate Blogger Republican lawmakers in Wisconsin, emboldened with the sudden ...
|Proposed Texas Abortion Bill Fuels Immigration Controversy
From The Desperate Blogger A bill recently introduced in the Texas state legislature ...
|Wisconsin Governor Offers Qaddafi Asylum, Job
From The Desperate Blogger In what is seen as a strong indication he is contemplating a ...
|Mubarak to Succeed Gates as Defense Secretary
In a move that came as a surprise to virtually every Washington insider, President Obama tabbed newly deposed Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak to succeed Robert Gates when he steps down later this year ...
|US Snubs Possible Al Qaeda 'Olive Branch'
In recent weeks, officials from the FBI/NYPD Joint Terrorism Task Force have briefed security officials of top Wall Street firms about the existence of a Yemen-based Al Qaeda plot to attack major ...
|‘Taco Wars’ May Indicate Widening Crack in GOP
From The Desperate Blogger The recent controversy sparked by a class-action lawsuit filed in a federal court in California against Taco Bell ...
|Dems and GOP to Also Mix at SOTU After-Party
From The Desperate Blogger After a week which has seen a flurry of activity on Capitol Hill in which members of Congress have scrambled to ...
|Ahmadinejad Forms 2012 Exploratory Committee
From The Desperate Blogger Supporters of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad filed papers this week with the Federal Election Commission to form an ...
|Dear Governor Palin,
Dear Governor Palin, I am writing in the hopes of bringing to your attention a perspective regarding political rhetoric and the use of hyperbole which I have found shockingly absent in the views ...
|Defiant Palin Sticks to Guns, Bludgeons Critics
In an exclusive interview with fellow Fox News personality Sean Hannity scheduled to air this evening, former half-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is certain to stir up even more controversy with a ...
|BREAKING: Birthers Question Legitimacy of New GOP Chair
Shortly after Reince Priebus was elected to replace Michael Steele as Chairman of the Republican National Committee, Birther Movement founder Orly Taitz told reporters that she has already been in ...
|Media Boycott of Westboro Baptist Church Spurs Controversy
The planned media boycott that would effectively eliminate widespread coverage of members of the Westboro Baptist Church picketing funerals in order to promulgate their anti-gay agenda has ...
|Ahmadinejad to Honor Fred Phelps, Westboro Baptist Church
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today announced plans to officially honor Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church in a State ceremony to be held in Tehran sometime next month. The occasion ...
|GOP in Turmoil Over Reading of Constitution
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The scheduled reading of the entire United States Constitution on the floor of the House of Representatives during tomorrow’s opening session as well as a vote on a ...
|Congress to be Outsourced to India
In what the White House described as “the first of many bipartisan initiatives we expect to conduct in cooperation with the special interests who scored such a historic victory in last week&...
|An Open Letter to Rev. Terry Jones
September 8, 2010 Dear Rev. Jones, While we have never met, and it is unlikely that we ever shall, I have been following your recent activities with great interest. I write to you today because I ...
|“God’s Wrath Must Be Upon Jesus” Puzzled Robertson Concludes
Noted television evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson, who never misses an opportunity to combine his two great passions, admits he was caught totally off guard by today’...
|Gingrich: ‘U.S. Can Be As Great As Mexico, Saudi Arabia’
Former House Speaker and likely 2012 Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich yesterday expressed his optimism that the United States, “... can not only overcome the serious challenges we ...
|Former VPs Flock to Arizona as 'Quayle Season' Opens
Less than 24 hours after Ben Quayle raked in a staggering 22.7% of the vote en route to a resounding victory in Arizona’s Third District Republican Congressional primary, former United States ...
|Limbaugh: Conservatives ‘Far More Likely’ to Be Ignorant
Following a Pew Research Center poll in which only 34% of Americans identified President Obama as being Christian, conservative radio host ...
|Al Qaeda Secretly Funding US Anti-Islam Protests
(satire from: http://thedesperateblogger.com/2010/08/al-qaeda-secretly-funding-us-anti-islam-protests/) United States intelligence officials this afternoon announced the revelation that many, if ...
|GOP Blocks Shelter Funding - Cites 'Undocumented Animals'
http://thedesperateblogger.com/2010/08/gop-blocks-shelter-funding-cites-undocumented-animals/ Senate Republicans last Friday blocked a vote on legislation that would have provided hundreds of ...
|Breitbart Releases Bill Cosby Death Tape
Is he or isn’t he? We now have our answer. And once again, “virtual news” has scooped traditional news outlets. Andrew Breitbart’s Breitbart.com has published an exclusive ...
|Fox News Fires Beck over Simpsons Flap
News Corp. chairman Roger Ailes announced this afternoon that Fox News Channel has severed its relationship with controversial on-air personality Glenn Beck after disparaging remarks Beck made about ...
|BP Turns to Euro to Save Gulf
The Euro, which has been in free-fall in recent weeks on global currency markets, will soon find itself in a very different type of free-fall if British Petroleum receives clearance from the U.S. ...
|Capitol Rocked By Mass Suicide Attempt
http://thedesperateblogger.com/2010/03/capitol-rocked-by-mass-suicide-attempt/ In Major Shift, Congressional Failure Shocks Many, Leaves Some Skeptical WASHINGTON, D.C.
|Bunning Amendment Nixes White House Easter Egg Roll
http://thedesperateblogger.com/2010/03/bunning-amendment-nixes-white-house-easter-egg-roll/ Republican leaders hailed Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning this morning for breaking his own logjam on ...
|BREAKING: Robertson Claims “God Even Angrier with Chile than Haiti”
http://thedesperateblogger.com/2010/02/breaking-robertson-claims-%E2%80%9Cgod-even-angrier-with-chile-than-haiti%E2%80%9D/ Citing what he described as the “the persecution of a great hero who ...
|An Open Letter to the United States Congress
Dear Senators and Representatives: There seems to be a growing misconception within your ranks as to your job descriptions. To put it in the simplest terms possible, you have all been elected to ...
|Study: Tax Cuts Cure Erectile Dysfunction
According to a report to be published in next week’s edition of the New England Journal of Medicine , tax cuts, long touted by conservatives as a cure for every problem the country ...
|Fox News’ Doocy Blasts Carlin Senate Bid
Calls Late Comic “Too Liberal for America” ‘Fox and Friends’ host Steve Doocy, who earlier in the day warned viewers that singer/songwriter John ...
|Obscure Blogger Calls Palin ‘A Retard’
Experts View Headline as Desperate Plea for Free Publicity Gambling that a mountain of circumstantial evidence correctly leads to the conclusion that Sarah Palin’s ...
|Supreme Court Affirms Corporate Suffrage
In a controversial but predictable 5-4 ruling, the United States Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling that as recognized legal entities, corporations may cast ballots in local, state, and ...
|Spanish Inquiry of Alleged Bush-Era War Crimes Begins Monday
Exclusive from The Desperate Blogger On Monday February 15 in Madrid, ...
|Palin Seeks First ‘Seven Figure’ Candidacy
According to sources close to the negotiations, former Alaska Governor and unlikely best-selling author Sarah Palin is close to reaching a deal that would make her the nation’s first-ever ...
|Homeland Security Adds Senator Shelby to ‘No-Fly’ List
DOJ to Investigate ‘Domestic Terror’ Allegations Washington, D.C. – Senator Richard Shelby (R-AL) has been placed on international ‘no-fly’ ...
|Security Tight as Loners Mourn Passing of Literary Giant
Law enforcement officials are tightening security in and around the nation’s prisons, high schools and colleges, and have issued special advisory warnings to celebrities and politicians as ...
|James O’Keefe Sued by ‘70s Preservation Society’
James O’Keefe, the ‘videographer’ in recent news who did not mother a child of former Senator John Edwards, today was named as the defendant in an intellectual property and ...
|CBN to Honor “Christian of the Year” Andre Bauer
The Christian Broadcasting Network today announced that it will honor South Carolina Lieutenant Governor and 2010 gubernatorial candidate Andre Bauer as the network’s ‘Christian of the ...
|Edwards, Sanford Regain Media Spotlight
Realizing, almost simultaneously, how much time had elapsed since they were featured in any national news stories, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and former North Carolina Senator John Edwards ...
|Senator-Elect Brown to Pose Nude for ‘National Review’
He’s the country’s newest Senator, and he’s about to rock a lot more than just the political world. Massachusetts Senator-elect Scott Brown, who just defeated State Attorney ...
|Geithner to NBC, Leno to Treasury
Blockbuster Deal Averts Late-Night, Treasury Showdowns From The Desperate ...
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