ARLINGTON, VA (AP) - Speaking at Arlington Cemetery today at a Veteran's Day ceremony, President Bush vowed to "end the drought of war veterans on our shores."

"For too long, America has lived with the fear its veterans would go the way of the dodo bird." Bush said, flanked by a battalion of returning soldiers of the 101st Airborne. "America's children have feared that there would be no more shell-shocked men in biker jackets, who wake up every night, screaming to find themselves choking their wives. Well I tell you today, that the madness ends!"

The President was applauded for his promise by a trembling contingent of triple-amputees and quadriplegics. "This is great!" said Frankie Snodgrass of Carrolton, Indiana, a veteran of Korea. "I'd thought we were a dying breed. I was starting to think my future ancestors would never know the joys of seeing a man with a 'Death From Above' tattoo threatening a street lamp with a knife, or a whole crowd of vets in a July 4th parade simultaneously diving to the ground, because a car backfired!"

"As a New Yorker, I am pretty goddamn angry that the Republicans are basically celebrating the fact that the mastermind of 9/11 has once again threatened America.  Shame on the media for pushing this story of "Great news for Bush!" that is leading half of our polarized nation to celebrate the fact America has been threatened.

These people have no sense of shame or decency.

Today, I got a response from Moonie employee, Peter Roff.  It was rather humorous.  It read:

"the only people i see celebrating anything are the people like you who are trying to create the impression the republicans are happy there is a knew bin laden tape - this campaign is the lowest thing i have seen this year."

(All spelling and capitlization errors are his)

"In closing, I would like to reiterate my desire to see an orangutan-driven demolition derby.  Thank you, and God Bless Canada!"

Get Will Ferrall to play Bush, and someone else to play Cheney.  Have silly melodramatic music as you cut between the two of them talking.

Have Cheney saying things like: "If you vote for John Kerry, your feet will fall off, and your grandmother will contract herpes!"

Cut to Bush saying, "Cleveland will be destroyed, if Ohio votes for Kerry.  I can guaruntee that in a Kerry presidency, your daughter will elope with Snoop Dogg."

You could even have a parody of that Deep-Voiced Narrator, saying things like "Would John Kerry steal your pie as it was cooling on your window-sill?"

Fear-mongering on a campaign is one thing.  Both sides do it.  But promising death to anyone who votes for Kerry, that's just plain nuts.  Let's point it out!

And funny ads WORK!

You TOO can get rich, if you merely follow my simple rules to financial excellence.  It only requires 3 steps!

STEP 1: Find a compulsive gambler, who happens to be a Republican. (Don't worry!  There are HUNDREDS of them!)

STEP 2: Brag like a mad bastard about the poor re-election prospects of Bush.  Raise your voice, and proclaim that ONLY A GODDAMN FOOL would think Bush has a chance in Hades of escaping humiliation on Nov. 2.

STEP #3: Once this Republican is good and lathered up, say: "Oh YEAH?  Well I bet you THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS that Bush will not win even his home state!"

And that's it.  You will become rich.  I have made this bet with close to 70 Republicans.  On November 3rd, they will have no choice but to pay up, once it is clear that Bush has failed to win the state of Connecticut.

One of the people with whom I have made this wager figured out the trick. (We shall call him SATCHEL).  Satchel looked up Bush's place of birth on Google, and was quite shocked to see that Bush is a New Englander  - born in that small Texas town of New Haven, Connecticut.  But Satchel is a gambler of Good Faith.  He admitted he made the Wrong Bet, and has paid me the $3000 wager in advance.

I have used that $3000 to hire an Enormous Goon w/ Hairy Knuckles.  He will accompany me on my November 3rd rounds, when I will collect my winnings from these SUCKERS and FOOLS.  If they don't pay up, this Goon will hold them down while I cut off their big toes.  Have you ever seen someone with no big toes try to walk?  It is near impossible.  They look like a penguin on Quaaludes.

Yes, they will have no choice but to pay up.

In summation: You too can get rich off my scheme!  We shall march on a road of bones!

I haven't read much about these ads on dKos, but they concern me greatly.  The ad buy is $14 million.  To put that into context, the Media Fund and Move On have combined only spent $3 million since Labor Day.

The ad is also effective in that "I'm a moron who goes with my easily-tugged heart" kind of way.

Most of the ad buy was funded by 2 millionaires who gave $5 million each.  Isn't there anyway some Dem millionaires could get $10 mil or so to MoveOn or the Media Fund?

It contained a list of some significant flip-flops by Bush, most of which I had heard before (DOHS, 9/11 commission, WMD).  But there was one I wasn't aware of.  When George W. Bush first ran for office, in his failed 1978 Congressional race, he ran as pro-CHOICE.

Could there be a good retort for Kerry about this?