Long time lurker, first time diarist...so be kind.  I have for as long as I can remember been a part of the throngs that attend public fireworks shows on the 4th of July.  My childhood memories bring back thoughts of sitting on football field bleachers or on the field on a blanket gazing up at the sky. If we were lucky my Mom would keep my sister and me sufficiently occupied until the show began with some soda and candy (yes, a product of the 70's). I remember everyone in my small hometown being there and watching the local booming light show.  I remember the vibrant colors and sounds and just having a great time on a warm summer evening with those I know and love all around. What I don't recall about these wonderful childhood memories is that these celebrations evoked feelings other than some lighthearted patriotism and a fun night out. Over the last couple of years that changed for me...follow below: