To paraphrase Mark Twain the rumors of the impending death of the Democratic Party are highly exaggerated.  I’m not going to show off the amazing powers of foretelling the future that many others here like to exercise and predict what will happen between now and the convention but I will share a couple of thoughts.

I once felt hope.  It was 1968 and I was a young person who was sure RFK would end an unpopular war, return the good name of our country and save the planet.  It wasn’t meant to be.  I don’t think the analogy extends to an anticipated assassination but should Obama lose the primaries I can easily see the "movement" voters failing to turn out in the numbers needed to win this election.

Unfortunately this diary will be a waste of effort as many people here seem genuinely unwilling to look at facts before opening their mouths.  However, I will try.  Of the 29 Democrats who voted for what is often called in error The Iraq War Resolution the only one who may have actually voted for war is Joe Lieberman.

Many posters here are accomplishing what O’Reilly and others have failed to do.  You have begun the marginalization and potential downfall of what was once a beacon of sensibility in a troubled land.  We can buy hate, ignorance, poison and provocation by the ton here these days at bargain basement prices.

If you don’t understand that your "if x is the candidate I won’t vote" is a vote for the Republicans then you’re probably too far gone to understand what the rest of us have to say so here is what I propose.

Presidential candidate Hilary Clinton was the keynote speaker at last nights White Supremacy Convention and Clambake.  Well coifed and wearing a stylish nouveau rendition of an SS Obersturmfuhrer pants suit the junior senator from New York paraded between legions of adoring fans to the dais as strains of Das Horst Wessel blasted from the Aryan correct Blaupunkt stereo installed for the occasion.

My hats off to all of you who have the God given gift of hating without compassion all of the politicians you have never even met.  Daily you chant your desires to have them publicly humiliated, incarcerated, cast into eternal damnation, sodomized and worse.

Any voter, of either party, who stays at home because their candidate wasn’t selected in the primaries and can’t determine whether there is at least a 1% difference between the candidates in the election should have to take an exam to get their voter ID.  At the very least they should be prohibited from calling into liberal or conservative radio shows and complaining for the next 4 years.

I guess we hear this most about Senator Clinton.  In one sentence we will often hear she is no different than the Republicans and then how she is such a danger as she is the one sure to motivate the Republican base.  If she is so like them why are they so afraid of having her as president?

Senator Obama has too little expeience, John Edwards is too angry.  Well I guess none of them are perfect but if you can’t see the difference between any of them and Huckabee or Romney then make room in the gene pool for someone else please.

What it boils down to is that while Democrats are famous for eating their own they too often are just talk.  We have the numbers to win any presidential election but sadly many seem only happy when they’re complaining.  

I just felt something very creepy was happening when FBI Director Mueller was testifying before the House Judiciary Committee.  His answers were just too nuanced for me.  Remarks like, "an N.S.A. program that has been much discussed." were intriguing but he never would say that the Terrorist Surveillance Program was the topic at the hospital.  He danced and dined with it but didn’t say it.

I haven't seen anyone use it yet but we are getting a lot of ammo from the people calling for everything from no jail time to an immediate pardon for Scooter Libby.  Let's start prefacing all remarks about these people with "Soft On Crime Conservatives".  You know they would do the same to us.  I think we can work this for a while and then segue into questions about hypocrisy once they begin asking for the maximum penalties for Congressman Jefferson.  All together now SOFT ON CRIME CONSERVATIVES!

BUSH APPOINTS NEW SURGEON GENERAL

(AP - Washington D.C.)
A brief ceremony in the Oval Office this morning concluded the appointment of Dr. Ira Levin as the new Surgeon General of the United States.  Dr. Levin has for the last 30 years been the director and chief physician of the Stepford Institute for Human Behavior in Stepford Connecticut.

Dr. Levin was all smiles as he accepted the appointment and was accompanied by his very charming wife.  The current Mrs. Stepford is the doctor's third wife and is considerably younger than her husband.  She was seen to smile graciously at all in attendance but spoke to no one other than her husband for whom she seemed quite adoring.

Several days after the reported shooting of a 78 year old GOP mainstay on the sprawling Armstrong Ranch local authorities were able to put highly trained CSI investigators to work on the cold crime scene.

Senior party officials and DNC officers chose Howard Dean to make the official Democratic response to yesterday's offering from VP Dick Cheney on the events of the weekend past.  Included are snippets from this interview given to unbiased staff members of MoveOn.org

"First let me announce that at 9:37 this morning using a 27 gauge shotgun I shot and wounded a septuagenarian Republican.  My choice was a drive-by shooting of Rupert Murdoch.  While a few years younger than the victim of Mr. Cheney it was my opinion that his higher profile made up for the age discrepancy."

Lawyers for Ohio trucker David Smith are preparing a motion challenging NSA spying against their client.

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- A lawyer for an Ohio trucker who pleaded guilty to plotting to destroy the Brooklyn Bridge has prepared a motion asking a federal judge to throw out the case on the grounds that the government illegally spied on him.

At his sentencing, prosecutors acknowledged that federal agents were led to Faris by a telephone call intercepted in another investigation.

Government officials have reportedly credited the practice with uncovering Faris' terrorist plot and several others.

On the 5th SOTU the Lord Bush gave us conservation and saw that it was good.  He also had scorn for those who have changed their views on the war in Iraq and says their new views echo defeatism and harm our efforts to achieve victory.

Strange that this administration which has always been skeptical of the value of gas conservation;

Budget conscious NASA administrators admitted yesterday that the decision to fund the current mission to Pluto came at the strong urging of President Bush.  "The president was very keen to send a ship to get a better view of Mickey Mouse's dog." we were informed by stony faced project managers who requested anonymity to protect their reputations.

Other reports have circulated among Whitehouse staffers that for some time the President has been asking for a custom chair in the Oval Office resembling the command chair used by Captain James Kirk in Star Trek.  There are scores of anecdotes of the President buzzing his press secretary and requesting, "I need more power Scottie, heh, heh, heh"and "Beam this up Scottie." Then smirking for any cabinet members present to show the unquestioned power and loyalty he demands.

There is a disconcerting new trend for liberals to call themselves progressives in order to avoid persecution from the bonehead right. I can see the danger of having true liberals like Jesus or Gandhi as role models but surely responsible parents can teach their children not to emulate such dangerous individuals.

Now I'm going to say something that will surely anger my liberal friends. Liberals can at times be a real pain in the ass. Imagine a crisp autumn day and your planned trip through the neighboring old growth woods with chain saw in hand is interrupted by do-gooder liberals who have chained themselves to trees in an effort to prevent you from fulfilling your lumberjack fantasy. Haven't we all had a day at sea ruined when other liberals have put their fragile rubber rafts between a pod of our cetacean brothers and our primed harpoon? Let's face it liberals can be quite irritating.

It was when reading published studies that link ship sonar's to confusion and possible brain damage in whales that I realized what is likely causing the bizarre political machinations of this latest crop of Republicans.

The connection between Republicans and erratic whales had been staring me in the face for sometime but it just never clicked before. Consider that elephants (Republicanus skulduggerous) are the largest land mammals and whales the largest sea mammals, but that is just the first degree of similarity. The largest toothed whales are sperm whales (Physeter macrocephalus). Republicans because of their insistence on celibacy as well as their fear and loathing of blowjobs are apparently ready to burst from pent up sperm. This sperm must cause erratic thinking when combined with sonar bursts.